My father who is 84 called me in December and said he could not live alone anymore. My sister did not have time to go to Florida and get him so I went and drove him back. The plan was for him to live with my sister but they had a falling out and are not speaking to each other since December. He moved in with my husband and I (my husband has health issues -- kidney transplant, heart condition, limited mobility) and I work full time. I have been taking my father to all of his appointments because he forgets things (has not been diagnosed with dementia or alzheimer's) just forgetful at times. We live in the city so I have not wanted him to drive because he is not sure of where he is. He says he has lost everything (my mother died in a car accident 6 years ago in Florida). He still owns a double wide in a community in Florida and wants to go back. I have helped him with all his doctor's appointments and his diabetes (undiagnosed until he came to New Hampshire in December) is now under control but he needs assistance with his meds as the instructions get confusing when the doctor changes doses, etc. so he is unable to go to his appointments himself. He and my husband clash during the day when I am not there and he just sits and waits for me to get home. I feel like I am burning out taking care of both of them. My father refuses to go to assisted living -- hates the weather in New Hampshire and won't spend the money. My weekends are spent taking him shopping, getting medications, etc. and I don't know how much time my husband has so I want to be able to spend time with him. My question is how do I let my father return to Florida without feeling like I am deserting him and leaving him to die alone?
I would see if you can get a health care worker for your dad either at your place or if he has money enough for an apartment, perhaps he gets a nearby apartment. This may reduce some stress but he is likely to want to see you frequently and with NH winters perhaps keeping him with you might be better.
If your husband is improving at all that would be helpful but if he continues to need lots of assistance, I think caring for both of them may take your health down. If you are working full time, I realize you may need to continue to work to keep things going. So you need to safeguard your health. If you go down, your husband and father will be hanging out there. Be careful.
Good luck.
Elizabeth
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