I'm 68. I am a recent widow after 30 years of marriage. My hubby died 11/1/23. He had COPD and was a disabled veteran (USA RET/Desert Storm vet). He didn't require the full level of care that some do, but I provided all his care. He was my life and I was happy to do it.
Now I've been alone for a few months and I'm very lonely. I have a BIL and SIL who I see maybe once a month; they're involved with their DTR/SIL/grandkids in another town. My hubby and I did not have friends here; we had only moved here a couple of years before.
Things around the house have started to become very difficult for me, such as laundry, groceries, keeping up with the house, etc. I don't think I need an AL level of care just yet. Simplifying my life and living in an apartment vs. the huge house I'm in would probably help me deal with everything. I'm not sure, though, if that would be enough.
I'm trying to decide if I should sell my house and move into an IL facility or just rent an apartment. I have severe arthritis and I'll be having knee replacement surgery in 3 weeks, with another surgery probably a few months later. My hips may be next; we'll see. But I still have a car and can get out whenever I want. I'm very active in my sewing. But those things still leave me lonely. I'm wondering if I would be able to make friends more easily if I move into IL. I'm rather shy when it comes to making new friends.
Any thoughts on my situation? What would you recommend?
Living there is like being on a cruise ship, but better. There’s a warm water pool, there are fantastic gardens, and there is always something to do.
Start slow. For instance, in my town good public transit and there are library "movie days", getting to know tech days, knitting classes. Look at nearby senior centers that may serve lunch. Consider joining a faith based community. I am an atheist but there are Unitarians and such I could quite come to love for companionship, a few games, and etc.
Meanwhile explore online the costs of ALF in Illinois (if that's one choice) and where you are (if that's another).
Consider taking in a boarder but BE CAREFUL and have them fully vetted with great recommendations; can be difficult to dislodge if a poor fit.
I would continue on this year until the anniversary of the loss of your dear hubby. I myself and and would be quite content alone. Am by nature a bit of a loner. Not everyone is. Get interested in something. Collage, sketching, photography, classes offered by your doctors group or hospital, Thai Chi great for balance. Write your memoirs. Take up PODCASTS. (Start with Hysterical and Noble!). Read a lot more. Branch out into the world a bit, keep the joints oiled with walks. Consider fostering. Kittens? a dog through a rescue? We at 82 and 84 are still fostering.
Good luck. My condolences on your loss. I am sure you speak with him often. Problem is that they won't answer us back when they go ahead of us.
People around, activities, yet the freedom to drive my wheels, shop and enjoy life.
Best of luck with your upcoming surgeries. And my condolences on the loss of your dear husband.