Only reason I’m Co-Executor is because none of my other sisters wanted the burden. (note: eldest sister n I are 14 yrs apart.) My sister who is also co-executor basically has her name but I did majority of work. I normally would never take money from my mom - as the baby of the family I figured I’m doing this for my mom. My mom passed away November 2019 and we are finally closing escrow on her million dollar house. Her will stated to divide shares equally amongst her 7 daughters. I’ve tried my best to be fair but I’ve come across so many obstacles. (1) my nephew wanted to purchase the house cheap (less then $200k of what we got) - I along w/ some sisters said no - thinking my mom has 14 grandkids and why should only one benefit besides the Will said to split amongst 7 sisters. So now my sister and nephew will probably never speak to me again. (2) my other sister wanted her husband to be our realtor so he could get commission- I didn’t want to involve family but the sister who was son didn’t get the house already told my brother in law to be realtor - so he was but there was no progress for 70 days - my BIL sucked at his job - and my mom has reverse mortgage and we only have one year to sell before house goes to foreclosure. So I felt like we had to do something - so we hired a new realtor we got the house sold above asking price at $1.1M. Meanwhile my sister who is married to realtor has made my life a living hell. She has said such horrible things to me saying I broke our family, cussing me out via group text msgs and she has threatened to sue me. She called my realtor and told him she will file a lawsuit if we sell house w/o her permission. She thinks she has to sign paperwork to sell house because my mom left house to all 7 of us. She’s so stupid not realizing that is why my mom appointed her successor trustees (my sister and I as Co-Executors). So I tried my best to bite my tongue and just go forward with the sale of the house. Every one of us will be receiving $20k more then we would have if we sold it to my nephew and I know the house would still be for sale if my BIL sold it (note his realtor ID online shows last real estate Transaction was 2014). I even asked my sister if the reason she is suing because she and her husband are not getting extra money from his commission- she said yes.
And the worst part is out of 7 daughters these two hardly ever saw my mom - one lived 5 minutes away and the other greedy one would only visit if she used my mom's money to rent a car.
Note I live the farthest from all my sisters (over an hour away), but I had to see my mom every week no matter what - I would take the ferry, subway, Uber rain or shine.
I just don’t know what to do about the Executor fee compensation. It was a lot of work plus we had to remodel home and I’ve spent so many hours dealing w/ sale of house and taking care of finances etc. The other sister who is co executor barely did anything. And honestly money to me is the root of all evil - but our accountant said the the fees total up to $20k. I feel like that’s too much, but I just don’t think my 2 sisters deserve any more then they deserve. However I know this would cause more chaos amongst us girls. Honestly the those two have said such mean horrible things to me that I really don’t want to see or speak to them again. My mom just died - and all they care about is the house and money. But I feel guilty getting compensated and splitting it w/ sister who really didn’t do much. Any advice?
First of all, Sisters who act in this manner will have ZERO respect for you if you do NOT. You can bet they WOULD. They will think you are only stupid not to take it. So don't expect a thanks from them, or anything else.
Take the fee and don't act for a single second that you ever thought to do anything else, and take as much of a fee as you are able to.
Sorry, but it infuriates me. I just am almost finished with a year acting as POA and Trustee for my Bro and now settling out the simplest estate and Trust every created. And even at THAT it is work.
TAKE THE FEE.
And 20k? Yes every dime. Sit down, figure out how many hours you have spent on the task. Then take those hours an multiply by $300.00/hour. If you had not been able to stand up to sisters an attorney would have been needed. Think of the difference between the 20k and what an attorney would have made as a bonus to your sisters. A gift. And make sure you tell them thanks for nothing.
And when it comes right down to it, that is only an additional 3k for each of you.
It seems to me that the family have $$$ in their eyes, and whatever you do, someone's going to be offended. But remember that you're acting on behalf of your mother. And you have to find the best transactions and deals, and that doesn't include giving a nephew a discount, or hiring a realtor with a poor track record.
As to splitting it with your sister, if she's been helping, she should have documented her actions and time, just like attorneys do. That's what I did for the first Trust I administered, and what I do now. It can be a burden as it requires a lot of timekeeping, but it's necessary.
I hope you've done that, but if not, try to recap as best you can, especially as to expenses incurred.
From what you've written, there's already friction in the family with people looking to see what they can get. If you give in, they'll know they can win, and this may not be the last time they try to get their own way.
Just make sure you've got all the expenses documented.
As for the amount, $20k seems awfully high. Sale of the home was $1.1m, but you said there was a reverse mortgage AND you stated that the 7 of you would be netting about $20k. That only amounts to about $140k. You should find out what your state allows for "reasonable" compensation. Each state has it's own rules. It could be a %age of the estate, it could be based on how complex the estate was and/or how much effort went into it. Years ago I had to take over the mess left when the sister of my mother's deceased cousin passed away - she was the executor for her sister who passed first and I found out after the fact that I was named as the alternate. WHAT a mess!! Between the negligent atty they had and her taking a HUGE chunk of the money back to FL (we're in NE) for fear the atty was going to steal it... Thankfully the CD instructions were processed after the estate account was set up, and it went into the original account! The estate account had been wiped clean and the sister's son was taking dad, with dementia, to the bank and withdrawing LOTS of money! The CD amount saved the day - there was enough to cover all the distributions that were stipulated in the will. The atty I hired gave me a dollar amount and I went with that. Even though some of the work had been done, it still took about 2 years to complete the process so that I could send checks to those named in the will.
Now, given the sale price of the home and possible complexity of dealing with the reverse mtg and disposing of/selling personal property, repair management, etc, the accountant may be correct. Is there an atty involved? I would consult with him/her as well.
Something else to consider - the executor fee IS taxable income. The inheritance is not. Your income tax bracket may be a factor as well - would this extra $20k push you into a higher bracket, both state and federal, thereby negating any big benefit, or would it be better to take a smaller fee and get more inheritance tax free? Hopefully if you have an atty s/he is well versed in both executor fees for your state AND federal tax implications.
Brief discussion here:
https://www.legalzoom.com/articles/what-does-the-executor-of-a-will-get-paid
Take the fee. Divide the money as your mom wished, and don't worry about the in-law realtor. I am a believer that in-laws should stay out of family business. It is sad your family can't put these things aside to grieve your mothers death and be supportive during this most difficult time. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Sorry for your loss of your dear mother and wishing you peace and strength.
Outlaws are wanted!
You were right in not allowing family to be involved in buying or selling of the home. Its kind of a catch 22. Damned if u do, damned if u don't. Did u have a contract with BIL? If not then he doesn't have a leg to stand on. He didn't sell the home he doesn't deserve the commission. There will be an accounting that all the beneficaries will need to sign before Probate can be closed. They can contest but it will hold up the money.
The proof is in the actual facts of what happened.
I would tell them that I would see them in court and counter sue for the threats and intimidation as well as non performance for personal gain. Counter suits usually stop frivolous actions by others using the legal system to bully.
So do that, and take the fee as correctly calculated, and split it with your sister as also directed. To do anything else would be wrong - wrong, as in, not what your mother wanted to happen AND put her name to.
You've done the job you were assigned to do, to the very best of your ability. You've earned the compensation. That's why a fee for the executor exists: it's hard work and the person who does it should be paid.
Best of luck; you are dealing with a lot, but family members personal issues shouldn't be one of the things you have to "fix" along with everything else you're handling.
My condolences on the loss of your mother.
Would the "family realtor" have not taken commission if he had sold the house? I bet the answer to that is a big NO.
If you truly do not want to take the entire fee and there is a "co-executor" figure out how much work she has put in and give a % to her. If she did 1/3 of the work give her 1/3 of the fee.
But you are entitled to compensation for the work you have done. Do not feel guilty about it you know what you are worth.
My advice- write off the twosistersinbloodandmoneyonly, take the executor’s fee THAT YOU DESERVE, and take some time for yourself to deal with the genuine grief you felt for your mom.
The guilt- don’t waste your time on it. Not. At. All.
Money can be a good servant but a very poor master. The cheap, nasty sisters may wind up learning that the hard way.
Dh did all the legwork and EOL stuff. I cleaned and painted and flipped the condo to get the best price possible ( and we did) but BIL wouldn't allow me to take an hourly fee for the work I did. It angered me to no end that DH basically caved to BIL and did all he could to make BIL's 'cut' be larger than anyone else's.
My son was in law school at the time and beyond livid at his father for being such a patsy. BUT--this was DH's family and his problem. I was very, very angry at being used to prepare the properties for sale but I talked about it once with DH and promised him I'd stay calm. BIL DEMANDED I keep and show him all the receits. I did. To the literal DIME.
It created some really bad feelings between me and BIL (who is the world's laziest man).....but it's been 16 years and I tried to let it go.
Our OWN will/trust specifically names our executors and specifies and AMOUNT they are to receive in the disposition of the estate. And we will amend that, if needs be. I have talked to all the kids and they know that if they mess with the decisions their dad and I have made, they will inherit NOTHING.
My BIL (DH'd brother) who was never around or involved in any care, any anything--stood to inherit the same amt as the other 2 kids. That was another whole issue.)
The will was very specific and divided her estate among 7 daughters. The house is sold so divide it that way and be done with it. Just so they know you were being fair, record what the accountant said about payment for your services and mark that document as 'I am declining payment for my executor services'. It will be clear to them that you tried to do the right thing. Highlight on the will mom's decision to divide equally with all the siblings. Attach a document that proves what house sold for, what had to be paid out of that amount, final balance and divide by 7.
You are correct that grandson should not have benefited in a way that other grandchildren would not. It's also an indicator of that sister wanting more than her fair share. Realtor sister should not benefit from sale of your mom's house either.
As long as they can see, in black and white, what the will said and what the distribute-able proceeds are - no one should have a complaint. And if they do, it won't matter at that point anyway. If someone wants to be mad because you followed your mom's wishes without being paid to do so - let 'em be mad. You won't have a guilty conscience.
Just make sure that you keep track of everything you are doing in a log. I have seen all different types of Families lose their way after a death of a loved one. Wills can create great upheaval in a Family. The worst side of some people comes out when death happens in a Family. Whether that Family is close or not, it just does.
You’re the executor, performing Executor Duties. You’re legally entitled to compensation. You’re also obviously suffering anxiety and dread that comes from herding six cats. All of which makes you additionally morally entitled to compensation.
Repeat the following when you start feeling sibling pressure:
“I can’t please everyone. I’m exercising Mom’s wishes. My sisters will be angry no matter what I do or don’t do”.
My mother passed a few years ago. I still find it comforting speakIng to her. Especially on matters she would of had a strong opinion.
Best Wishes
RobertCasey