Only reason I’m Co-Executor is because none of my other sisters wanted the burden. (note: eldest sister n I are 14 yrs apart.) My sister who is also co-executor basically has her name but I did majority of work. I normally would never take money from my mom - as the baby of the family I figured I’m doing this for my mom. My mom passed away November 2019 and we are finally closing escrow on her million dollar house. Her will stated to divide shares equally amongst her 7 daughters. I’ve tried my best to be fair but I’ve come across so many obstacles. (1) my nephew wanted to purchase the house cheap (less then $200k of what we got) - I along w/ some sisters said no - thinking my mom has 14 grandkids and why should only one benefit besides the Will said to split amongst 7 sisters. So now my sister and nephew will probably never speak to me again. (2) my other sister wanted her husband to be our realtor so he could get commission- I didn’t want to involve family but the sister who was son didn’t get the house already told my brother in law to be realtor - so he was but there was no progress for 70 days - my BIL sucked at his job - and my mom has reverse mortgage and we only have one year to sell before house goes to foreclosure. So I felt like we had to do something - so we hired a new realtor we got the house sold above asking price at $1.1M. Meanwhile my sister who is married to realtor has made my life a living hell. She has said such horrible things to me saying I broke our family, cussing me out via group text msgs and she has threatened to sue me. She called my realtor and told him she will file a lawsuit if we sell house w/o her permission. She thinks she has to sign paperwork to sell house because my mom left house to all 7 of us. She’s so stupid not realizing that is why my mom appointed her successor trustees (my sister and I as Co-Executors). So I tried my best to bite my tongue and just go forward with the sale of the house. Every one of us will be receiving $20k more then we would have if we sold it to my nephew and I know the house would still be for sale if my BIL sold it (note his realtor ID online shows last real estate Transaction was 2014). I even asked my sister if the reason she is suing because she and her husband are not getting extra money from his commission- she said yes.
And the worst part is out of 7 daughters these two hardly ever saw my mom - one lived 5 minutes away and the other greedy one would only visit if she used my mom's money to rent a car.
Note I live the farthest from all my sisters (over an hour away), but I had to see my mom every week no matter what - I would take the ferry, subway, Uber rain or shine.
I just don’t know what to do about the Executor fee compensation. It was a lot of work plus we had to remodel home and I’ve spent so many hours dealing w/ sale of house and taking care of finances etc. The other sister who is co executor barely did anything. And honestly money to me is the root of all evil - but our accountant said the the fees total up to $20k. I feel like that’s too much, but I just don’t think my 2 sisters deserve any more then they deserve. However I know this would cause more chaos amongst us girls. Honestly the those two have said such mean horrible things to me that I really don’t want to see or speak to them again. My mom just died - and all they care about is the house and money. But I feel guilty getting compensated and splitting it w/ sister who really didn’t do much. Any advice?
When the hen asked for help making the bread, all the farm animals said, "Not me." So, the hen did all the work herself. After all the work, when the bread was baked, the farm animals wanted to eat the bread.
The hen said, "No. I did the work. I eat the bread." That the other animals might be hungry wasn't her problem.
Please know that it's OK to tell your sisters that you and the co-executor sis are going to take the fee. You earned it. The greedy sisters didn't.
I dont see how things could get that much worse than they are. I would take the money. It sounds like you are doing your best to make it equitable for all. Selling house to son for 200K less would be basically stealing from other heirs, unless that was made up for in some way.
Almost all families have arguments over estates. Even when it is laid out so fairly with each sister getting the same 1/7th of the estate.
Do the best you can. Provide short and factual statements to answer any naysayers and simply say that everything was carried out exactly as your parents provided and the court approved. Don’t try to argue or prove your point further - their perspectives don’t sound reasonable, so arguing won’t help. If you have given them the information, just refer back to it for them to review and then get off the phone. Please just don’t engage. It just makes it worse.
Time will heal this. Please do not beat yourself up after you have done all the work. Do not sacrifice all of the fees thinking it will “fix” all the raw feelings - it won’t. Just execute it according to the will with your co-executor. The two of you need to be aligned. Let the others fuss among themselves.
Good luck from the bottom of my heart.
If it would make you feel better, you can donate the fee (or a portion thereof) to your favorite charity. Or your mother's favorite charity.
I doubt your sisters will treat you any better if you don't take the fee.