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Only reason I’m Co-Executor is because none of my other sisters wanted the burden. (note: eldest sister n I are 14 yrs apart.) My sister who is also co-executor basically has her name but I did majority of work. I normally would never take money from my mom - as the baby of the family I figured I’m doing this for my mom. My mom passed away November 2019 and we are finally closing escrow on her million dollar house. Her will stated to divide shares equally amongst her 7 daughters. I’ve tried my best to be fair but I’ve come across so many obstacles. (1) my nephew wanted to purchase the house cheap (less then $200k of what we got) - I along w/ some sisters said no - thinking my mom has 14 grandkids and why should only one benefit besides the Will said to split amongst 7 sisters. So now my sister and nephew will probably never speak to me again. (2) my other sister wanted her husband to be our realtor so he could get commission- I didn’t want to involve family but the sister who was son didn’t get the house already told my brother in law to be realtor - so he was but there was no progress for 70 days - my BIL sucked at his job - and my mom has reverse mortgage and we only have one year to sell before house goes to foreclosure. So I felt like we had to do something - so we hired a new realtor we got the house sold above asking price at $1.1M. Meanwhile my sister who is married to realtor has made my life a living hell. She has said such horrible things to me saying I broke our family, cussing me out via group text msgs and she has threatened to sue me. She called my realtor and told him she will file a lawsuit if we sell house w/o her permission. She thinks she has to sign paperwork to sell house because my mom left house to all 7 of us. She’s so stupid not realizing that is why my mom appointed her successor trustees (my sister and I as Co-Executors). So I tried my best to bite my tongue and just go forward with the sale of the house. Every one of us will be receiving $20k more then we would have if we sold it to my nephew and I know the house would still be for sale if my BIL sold it (note his realtor ID online shows last real estate Transaction was 2014). I even asked my sister if the reason she is suing because she and her husband are not getting extra money from his commission- she said yes.
And the worst part is out of 7 daughters these two hardly ever saw my mom - one lived 5 minutes away and the other greedy one would only visit if she used my mom's money to rent a car.
Note I live the farthest from all my sisters (over an hour away), but I had to see my mom every week no matter what - I would take the ferry, subway, Uber rain or shine.
I just don’t know what to do about the Executor fee compensation. It was a lot of work plus we had to remodel home and I’ve spent so many hours dealing w/ sale of house and taking care of finances etc. The other sister who is co executor barely did anything. And honestly money to me is the root of all evil - but our accountant said the the fees total up to $20k. I feel like that’s too much, but I just don’t think my 2 sisters deserve any more then they deserve. However I know this would cause more chaos amongst us girls. Honestly the those two have said such mean horrible things to me that I really don’t want to see or speak to them again. My mom just died - and all they care about is the house and money. But I feel guilty getting compensated and splitting it w/ sister who really didn’t do much. Any advice?

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I don’t think you should even question whether or not you should take a fee. Had everything been different and your sisters acted in a respectful way both to you and your Mom’s memory, then I could see foregoing the fee. BUT with circumstances being what they are why would you? Please take the fee because if you don’t I think you’ll be kicking yourself for a long time to come I know I would be. It’s not about the money with you, anyone reading this can see that. So don’t feel bad take what you’ve earned and let the others squabble with each other! Wishing you the best and an easy resolve with everything.
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You will have undoubtedly earned the fee.

If it would make you feel better, you can donate the fee (or a portion thereof) to your favorite charity. Or your mother's favorite charity.

I doubt your sisters will treat you any better if you don't take the fee.
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Rereading the post about realtor BIL, nephew who wanted to purchase home below market value, sister who is nephew's mother telling BIL to sell the house when she did not have the legal right to raised a couple of red flags for me. Did she sign the listing contract or did you? Sister of incompetent BIL threatening to sue because of lost commission money. Could it be that he did not do his job to force the sale of the family home to nephew to avoid foreclosure timeline? Why work at it if you know it's just a matter of time. This may be the reason your 2 sisters are angry, by proceeding with your job as executor and exercising due diligence in the process their plans to get what they wanted ie commission and house went up in smoke. Take your fee. Ignore toxic siblings, hopefully things will calm down and get better as time passed, if not it's their loss. It's always about what they can get, how much more they can squeeze out of the estate than other heirs.
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Imho, you are to follow your late mother's direction. Ergo, take the fee.
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Do you have an open communication line with your co-executor sister? Can you ask an open ended question to her about what she thinks should be done about the executor fee? Try to keep asking questions until she commits some opinion. Hopefully it is fair and she suggests that you take a larger percentage of the fee because you did more of the work. If she doesn’t feel that way, just let the more equitable split go. The time to raise that issue might have been while you were spending more hours. Maybe because you were available and maybe your sister just “let” you do the work. Nevertheless, she almost has to be the one to suggest the split. On the other note of the executor fee, you are entitled and if it is reviewed by the court, the judge will say that also - as long as it is a reasonable rate per hour and a reasonable rate per hours. In fact, in most jurisdictions, the judge can overrule the state’s amount. If you feel that taking the fee will cause further angst between your sisters, bring the subject up with your co-executor. Again, try to get an opinion and just listen without offering your thoughts until you learn where she stands. If you can afford to and your co-executor can afford and is willing to - take less than the stated executor amount. Whatever you both can agree to - if it was 2%, then maybe you take 1% or 1.5% or whatever. Taking anything less than the stated amount that you are entitled to may take a little bit of thunder out of the naysayers. Whatever you decide, have a simple summary of your hours and tasks available to all sisters. Include out of pocket costs including mileage, tolls, etc. And, of course the bigger expenses involved in getting the house ready for sale.

Almost all families have arguments over estates. Even when it is laid out so fairly with each sister getting the same 1/7th of the estate.

Do the best you can. Provide short and factual statements to answer any naysayers and simply say that everything was carried out exactly as your parents provided and the court approved. Don’t try to argue or prove your point further - their perspectives don’t sound reasonable, so arguing won’t help. If you have given them the information, just refer back to it for them to review and then get off the phone. Please just don’t engage. It just makes it worse.

Time will heal this. Please do not beat yourself up after you have done all the work. Do not sacrifice all of the fees thinking it will “fix” all the raw feelings - it won’t. Just execute it according to the will with your co-executor. The two of you need to be aligned. Let the others fuss among themselves.

Good luck from the bottom of my heart.
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Yes, you should. And I’m sorry you have such siblings. That’s such terrible behavior.
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Other sisters did not want to be executor as they thought it a burden. And they are right. That is why there are executor fees.

I dont see how things could get that much worse than they are. I would take the money. It sounds like you are doing your best to make it equitable for all. Selling house to son for 200K less would be basically stealing from other heirs, unless that was made up for in some way.
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Please take the fee, you have earned it and I doubt even if you didn’t take it those sisters would ever be the type of loving siblings you envision. You have seen their true character now. Once people show you who they are... believe them...whether family or not!
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My husband was elected as the personal representative by his parents, skipping over the eldest son which didn't set right at all with that particular sibling. My husband tried to appease his older brother who was obviously and outwardly angered by what his parents did, and relinquished his fee, thereby adding those funds to the estate so the siblings would realize a little more money, and it didn't change a thing. That was 4 years ago. The eldest brother and his wife, who up until the time of probate were our best friends, have not spoken to us since probate and the reading of the will. In my honest opinion, you've earned it. The fee is there for a reason.
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Yes, take the fee. You have earned it. Several years ago my husband was excecutor for a family member and planned to take no fee. However, he spent so much money out his own pocket and the other family members were so nasty he decided to repay his own expense. Yes, made the others angry, but they had already cut off all cordial conversation. What else could he lose? Unfortunately money always brings out the worst in people. Be sure to present everyone with a detailed report of your work and expense.
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Remember the book "The Little Red Hen" from childhood?

When the hen asked for help making the bread, all the farm animals said, "Not me." So, the hen did all the work herself. After all the work, when the bread was baked, the farm animals wanted to eat the bread.

The hen said, "No. I did the work. I eat the bread." That the other animals might be hungry wasn't her problem.

Please know that it's OK to tell your sisters that you and the co-executor sis are going to take the fee. You earned it. The greedy sisters didn't.
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Takincare avatar
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Takincare Aug 2020
Very well said and very true.
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YES. Accept the fee. Your mother wrote her Will with the advice of her attorney. I would be shocked if the attorney did not advise her that the Co-Executors would be allowed a fee. The attorney for the probate case will also be paid a fee. In my state the fees allowed for the attorney and the executor are the same. You may be allowed to request additional payment based on work that was in excess of what would would considered usual or normal. It sounds like you have performed a lot of work, some of it complicated, with no help from your siblings. Make sure you document the work you have done. And, accept the fee allowed. You have earned it. It's sad, but I've seen many families behave strangely when a parent dies and there is any amount of estate to be divided. Just do your job. Get paid. And do not feel guilty about it.
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And by the way, just because you are named as an executor or trustee doesn't mean you have to accept it. You can say you don't want to do it and walk away from it. Or hire an attorney to do it.
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Not only YES but Hell YES! My dad just died and my sister and I are co-trustees to his estate. When we visited with his trust attorney he told us we should charge a fee that we felt good about. If he were to settle the estate he would charge $280/hr! We are both charging $50/hr. So far the two of us have put in over 60 hours and we aren't finished yet. It is a lot of work and those not involved haven't a clue. However, if you do charge you should be keeping a detailed log of what, when and where and how much time involved in each task. I made up a simple log spreadsheet that we use to report our tasks and time spent. Luckily our other two sisters accepted this without any issues. Do not feel guilty getting compensated. You are doing a tremendous task and service. That is why you each should be tracking your tasks and do it by hours. No it shouldn't be equal. Who does the most gets the most. Too bad you both didn't meet with the trust attorney first to get all this ironed out. Maybe if you make an appointment with a trust attorney now with all sisters either there or on conference call a third party might get them to understand the enormity of this task.
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Yes as to the administrator fees. I am currently the administrator of a trust and it is a LOT of work. If you weren't the one to do it, SOMEONE would have to and they would charge more than the 1 percent to 4 percent (based on the value of the estate). You have personal and estate taxes to file, accounts and creditors to deal with, stuff to sell or dispose of, etc. Talk to an estate attorney. It will be well worth the consultation fee - and the estate should pay the fee for its own management. (I haven't read the other responses, just speaking from my own experience.)
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Maryjann Aug 2020
I mean the attorney fee in that last comment.
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Yes, Yes, absolutely YES!
You’re the executor, performing Executor Duties. You’re legally entitled to compensation. You’re also obviously suffering anxiety and dread that comes from herding six cats. All of which makes you additionally morally entitled to compensation.
Repeat the following when you start feeling sibling pressure:
“I can’t please everyone. I’m exercising Mom’s wishes. My sisters will be angry no matter what I do or don’t do”.
My mother passed a few years ago. I still find it comforting speakIng to her. Especially on matters she would of had a strong opinion.
Best Wishes
RobertCasey
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Because there is so much diversity in your family, hire the services of an "elder Care Attorney" as soon as possible. Don't hire an accident/bankruptcy/real estate/estate planning/etc. lawyer. Elder Care is first and foremost. Let them make the legal decisions and take the blame if a sister disagrees. You say two sisters disagree with you but keep in mind the other four are evidently on your side (you must be doing a good job if you have a ratio of two to one). Good luck!
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Harpcat avatar
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Harpcat Aug 2020
not an elder care attorney....hire an estate attorney. That is their bailiwick and speciality
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Would you have charged your mother for taking care of her business if she was alive? Probably not. Why add more salt to the wounds.

The will was very specific and divided her estate among 7 daughters. The house is sold so divide it that way and be done with it. Just so they know you were being fair, record what the accountant said about payment for your services and mark that document as 'I am declining payment for my executor services'. It will be clear to them that you tried to do the right thing. Highlight on the will mom's decision to divide equally with all the siblings. Attach a document that proves what house sold for, what had to be paid out of that amount, final balance and divide by 7.

You are correct that grandson should not have benefited in a way that other grandchildren would not. It's also an indicator of that sister wanting more than her fair share. Realtor sister should not benefit from sale of your mom's house either.

As long as they can see, in black and white, what the will said and what the distribute-able proceeds are - no one should have a complaint. And if they do, it won't matter at that point anyway. If someone wants to be mad because you followed your mom's wishes without being paid to do so - let 'em be mad. You won't have a guilty conscience.
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Mackert Aug 2020
I was the Executor of my Aunt’s estate and took half the fee that would be normal. I believe that whether I would charge her if she were alive, has no barring here. The work and emotional roller coaster ride that being an Executor, is totally different from helping that Family Member when they are alive.
Just make sure that you keep track of everything you are doing in a log. I have seen all different types of Families lose their way after a death of a loved one. Wills can create great upheaval in a Family. The worst side of some people comes out when death happens in a Family. Whether that Family is close or not, it just does.
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My DH was his dad's executor. Dad had a condo and a rental house. BIL sold both and took his cut.

Dh did all the legwork and EOL stuff. I cleaned and painted and flipped the condo to get the best price possible ( and we did) but BIL wouldn't allow me to take an hourly fee for the work I did. It angered me to no end that DH basically caved to BIL and did all he could to make BIL's 'cut' be larger than anyone else's.

My son was in law school at the time and beyond livid at his father for being such a patsy. BUT--this was DH's family and his problem. I was very, very angry at being used to prepare the properties for sale but I talked about it once with DH and promised him I'd stay calm. BIL DEMANDED I keep and show him all the receits. I did. To the literal DIME.

It created some really bad feelings between me and BIL (who is the world's laziest man).....but it's been 16 years and I tried to let it go.

Our OWN will/trust specifically names our executors and specifies and AMOUNT they are to receive in the disposition of the estate. And we will amend that, if needs be. I have talked to all the kids and they know that if they mess with the decisions their dad and I have made, they will inherit NOTHING.

My BIL (DH'd brother) who was never around or involved in any care, any anything--stood to inherit the same amt as the other 2 kids. That was another whole issue.)
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You've been a good steward of your Moms money! She picked correctly! This fee is for YOU. You are not being greedy, it was put in there for a reason and you certainly have earned it as your Mom so thoughtfully included in her will knowing this wasn't going to be easy. Stand strong your doing all the right things!
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I have lost a relative who was raised as my brother.

My advice- write off the twosistersinbloodandmoneyonly, take the executor’s fee THAT YOU DESERVE, and take some time for yourself to deal with the genuine grief you felt for your mom.

The guilt- don’t waste your time on it. Not. At. All.

Money can be a good servant but a very poor master. The cheap, nasty sisters may wind up learning that the hard way.
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They don't "want the burden"...then they should be ready and willing to let the estate pay someone who is willing to accept the burden. 'nuff said. At the very least compensation for actual time and expense is the least you (and your co executor) should claim. You have travel, time, appointments, gas, It isn't freeto you to do this job for them.
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Bet none of your sisters feel guilty about sticking you with it. Take the money, as much as possible. You will earn it.
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Take the fee..
Would the "family realtor" have not taken commission if he had sold the house? I bet the answer to that is a big NO.
If you truly do not want to take the entire fee and there is a "co-executor" figure out how much work she has put in and give a % to her. If she did 1/3 of the work give her 1/3 of the fee.

But you are entitled to compensation for the work you have done. Do not feel guilty about it you know what you are worth.
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Everyone has their hand out, but no one wants to do any of the work.  That is a very familiar cord with most of us.  Odds are those sisters are not going to be involved in your life much once the estate is settled anyways.  Take the fee and be done with it.  You have earned it.
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Take the fee. You have no control over the behavior of other family members; they are going to think whatever they think and do whatever they do. They are not your responsibility.
You've done the job you were assigned to do, to the very best of your ability. You've earned the compensation. That's why a fee for the executor exists: it's hard work and the person who does it should be paid.
Best of luck; you are dealing with a lot, but family members personal issues shouldn't be one of the things you have to "fix" along with everything else you're handling.
My condolences on the loss of your mother.
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Changing realtors was a smart move, sister already said her lawsuit would be because of lost commission money. Guess what he didn't do his job so he was fired. Not selling to a family member who wanted to buy below fair market value was also a good choice. Was he actually going to live there or flip it to make money from his aunt's inheritance? Take the fee, you have more than earned it. Split it with your other sister based on amount of work done concerning the estate. She will receive less than you but you have done the lions share of the work. It boils down to pure greed on your sisters threatening to sue, they want what they want regardless of ramifications to others. They could be threatening to sue as a bullying tactic to get you to cave into their demands. Tell sister complaining about loss of commission that IF BIL had done his job you would not have been forced to seek professional assistance elsewhere. She may have been counting on a windfall and already began spending funds she didn't have, not your problem, it's hers. The can of worms has been opened and can not be sealed again. They may or may not be able to get over it. Just went thru my MIL estate where husband was executor and a signer on his mom's accounts, his younger sister was also a signer on the accounts. I suggested he close the accounts and open an estate account, at first he was hesitant to do so until I informed him baby sister has every legal right to close the accounts and there wasn't a thing he would be able to do about it. Good thing he listened to advise because a week later she was screaming on the phone how all mom's accounts with her name on them were closed. She was planning on getting what she wanted and forget her other 2 siblings. No, the estate was not very large but she would've ended up with more than her mom wanted her to have. You have those who are fair and those who are out for themselves, at least 2 of your siblings fall into the latter category. Good luck, remember you can only make some people happy, don't let the toxic ones get to you.
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JoAnn29 avatar
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JoAnn29 Aug 2020
I think its recommended to get an Estate acct. Mom had nothing but a couple hundred left in her acct so I closed that longbbefore she passed. I kept the money foe anything she may need. When I Probated, my lawyer had me open an Estate account and put that money in it. Then when the house sold, the proceeds were put in there. An accounting was done and money distributed.
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Take the fee as the other posters have said. Once all the money has been distributed you will probably not hear from one or more of your family again.
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One of my close friends who is a CPA/MBA from a top school was executor of his mother's estate.  He said it was nothing but aggravation and would not do it again, he would pay someone
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Yes! Take the fee. While it is the root of all evil, your time, energy, gas, wear and tear are worth something. Would you work for an employer that paid you nothing? The thing I see is that the situation is already volatile, damage is done those who are willing are doing, those that don't care or are not willing are not. Check with a financial advisor, but last time I was checking. That income is not taxable in the US, but things change.
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FloridaDD Aug 2020
CPA here.  Executors fees have always been taxable.  Inheritances not subject to income tax.
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