I am a single woman caring for my 95 yr old mom. she has lived with me for 1.5 years. i also work full time and maintain a home. i love her dearly and am doing this willingly and will continue to do so unless it becomes medically impossible for me to care for her. but it has changed my life pretty dramatically. i am also beginning to think that maybe she should be contributing to household expenses. i would expect to do that if i were living with her. my mom is fine with the idea. my brother, who also lives in the area, is in charge of her finances. is it fair for me to approach him with this request. i think she should pay for half of the monthly grocery bill (she has a very healthy appetite) and also half of utilties and power. i would never charge her rent, nor would i expect to be paid for caring for her.
What I meant was legally every person has to pay their way if they can. If your Mom has money to pay you room and board this is nothing to feel guilty about. If her money is being spent or saved for her care and quality of life that's her money and is spent on her. If she needs full time care in the future in assisted living or another facility guaranteed there is a bill someones got to pay, no one gets it for free, unless they have absolutely no money for income. Whatever income she has goes directly to the facility if she qualifies for medicaid they pay the remainder of expenses for room and board allowing her a minimal amount for personal needs each month. To qualify, her past 5 years (depending on the state) of finances need to be proven to be spent on her needs, so really the best way to spend down, is for her care and room and board. You and your brother defiantly need to prove with a paper trail where money has been spent.
"in the benefit of" your mother. In fact it is frowned upon if your mothers daily needs suffer due to his neglect to provide for her with her funds. Think about it, if you were living with a room mate, should they pay for your rent, food, clothes, medication, daily needs, no.
My mother (92) has early stage dementia. We knew it was time she stopped living on her own but were having a hard time convincing her. In her mind she didn't need any help. My sister who recently retired offered to have her move in and at first Mother agreed but when it came time to turn in notice at her apartment she balked. Finally a clever younger sister took Mom aside and said, "Could you possibly rent Patty's lower level from her? Now that she is retired she is having a little trouble making her mortgage payment." Mom said of course she could help out in that way, and she immediately signed the notice paper.
Often older people, even older people with dementia, want to pay their own way. To live off a child is demeaning. Usually the child can use the extra income to help cover the extra expense. The parent is given dignity and pride by paying. Charging a parent is win-win, good for both sides.