July 2023 we moved my father, suffering from pulmonary fibrosis, and my mother, suffering from vascular dementia, to an AL facility. They assured us that unless my mother became a flight risk or abusive she would be able to age in place with them. My father passed away in November 2023. Mother has a 5 day a week personal caregiver and a family member is able to visit every day. Her short term memory is non-existent, but she recognized her familiars and seems content with her small room.
Problem: the manager is about to leave for another position and she has suggested to me that we should be looking at placing Mother in a memory care facility. She can barely walk, travels mostly in a wheelchair, so is not a flight risk. She has never complained or uttered a cuss word while there. Everyone, staff and residents, seem to care for her greatly. However, she is starting to have difficulty eating on her own and does require more individual attention.
Question: Should I just talk to the new manager about her continuing to reside there, maybe up her care level, or would a memory care facility be the better option? In researching, I don't see a whole lot of difference between AL & MC other than protection from flight risks. I've also read that the transition is extremely hard on dementia patients.
Nothing pressing at the moment but I will appreciate any feedback.
Blessings.
Memory care focuses on mentally stimulating activities, and the caregivers are much more hands-on in terms of relating with the residents.
AL is going to leave it up to the resident to decide if they want to participate in activities where as MC caregivers will bring the residence to an activity and engage them. No one is forced to participate in an activity, but they don’t let them just isolate themselves in their rooms.
I made the decision to move my mother to MC when I decided that the one health issue I wanted to focus on was her mental stimulation. We couldn’t cure her macular degeneration, her hearing loss, or her heart issues, but we could make those last years better for her by not allowing her to simply waste away in a room somewhere. She couldn’t participate in a lot of the activities because of her vision issues, but the caregiver would sit her at the table where the activities were going on, and still help her participate as much as she was able to.
They were able to care for her medical issues at MC with no problem, and were able to care for her all the way to the end. Moving her to MC was the best decision I made.
I am currently working with an organization called A Place For Mom which has put me in touch with a few MC facilities which I plan to tour in the near future. I'm just very concerned about what the move to a new facility will do to her fragile mental state.
Blessings
Please consider visiting some reputable and recommended MC facilities to learn their philosophy of care and what they have to offer. Please make sure if she goes somewhere else that they accept Medicaid. Maybe seek input locally from Nextdoor.com. Look for facilities that have been operating for a long time and have been able to retain their admin staff for a long time (this is a sign that it is well-run, well-supported and has a content staff).
Blessings
Here is what I would do - I would have an open discussion with BOTH the outgoing manager and also the new manager. Why the outgoing manager? Because they are leaving, they no longer have a business conflict of interest and hopefully will be totally honest with you.
The question is whether, with the combination of AL staff and your personal 5 days a week caregiver, can they continue to manage? Will there be any firm reasons that they say they cannot care for her, eg not eating, becoming incontinent?
You did not mention whether you have done research yet into MCs, but keep in mind many of the better/popular ones may be full and have waitlists (that is the case in my area, ML beds are harder to find than AL). So even if you are not moving yet, it is not a bad idea to start researching into ML availability for the future...