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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
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Is this her ONLY sign of a failing memory or is it part of a pattern of forgetting important things? If it is the only thing she can't seem to remember I would probably try to remind her that her mother is dead and then quickly get her an appointment to be screened for dementia. If it is a clear pattern of mixing lots of people up, getting upset when she is reminded of her mistake, etc I'd make some vague reference to seeing her "some other time." My mother had lots of memory loss and would forget her mother was dead and would mix me up (daughter) with my daughter (her granddaughter) Usually we'd just let it go but sometimes would give a gentle reminder of which of us was which (Oh, I'm Joy, K is at college right now. She'll be home in a few weeks." ) We tried to make it as natural as possible and never drew attention to her error and often just let it go by. I had an aunt who recognized that she had lost track of people and things and would ask multiple times during a conversation, "Now, what did you say your name was?" or "Whose child are you?" She was clearly interested in receiving corrections and they didn't upset her at all.
I agree, this is not normal age decline. Mom needs a good physical. Tests and labs to rule out anything physical. A good neurological exam to she if she has Dementia and if so, what kind.
Have you had your Mom diagnosed? She is only 78 (everything is relative; it is my age!), but asking to call or go see your mother is NOT "getting old stuff". Getting old stuff is forgetting everyone's name, forgetting to turn the gas off or be certain that the fridge door is closed. Forgetting whether you put your favorite TV show on record, or whether you paid the phone bill. It is not, definitely, believing your long dead mother is alive. That is getting more into the dementia area. If you do not now have DPOA made out to whomever she would like to act for her financially or health wise in future this is the time to do that, before anything progresses. Age wise it is the time to do it in any case. When you are POA for health you can pass this by her doctor and request an assessment. Meanwhile, yes, if your assessment that Mom is fine with just a few old age issues, then speak with her. Next time she does this ask her frankly and outright if she doesn't realize her mother passed away. Ask her if she remembers when and how her mother died. Then ask her if she will play some games with you, because you worry her memory is slipping quite badly. Do the word memory test where you ask her to remember three words. Then talk about 15 minutes on another subject and ask her for those three words again. Ask her to draw you a clock that is set for some time you give her, say 2:15. You can look up some simple tests online if you like. It is time to be frank. I would want my daughter to come to me and say "Mom, you told me you wanted to go to see your Mom the other day. Do you honestly forget sometmes that your Mom is gone now, and how and when she died". Often elders realize they are failing, and in early stages are willing to talk about it. My brother was glad he knew of his early Lewy's dementia diagnosis and he actually became happy to describe to me how his "failing mind" interpreted the world differently.
Therapeutic fibs are totally acceptable, or just humoring her. Yesterday my MIL called me from her LTC and told me she was moving home and needed our help. Her home was her childhood home in Chicago on Rasher Ave. and she is currently in MN. So I went through a series of questions with her and she came to a slow, gentle realization. At the end of the conversation I reminded her that she needs to be able to get out of bed by herself (which she can't do) and that once her doc gives her the green light to be able to live by herself, then she can leave and that her job is to keep working on this. She was mostly satisfied with this answer, as some confusion will always linger. The call ended on a positive note. She calls us many times and we have an almost identical conversation. That's the best we can do. May you have peace in your heart as you journey down this path with your mother.
My mom did the same thing. I made the mistake of trying to explain a couple of times. Each time was as if mom had heard of their passing for the first time. Even anger from mom that she hadn't been told.
Therapeutic white lies are much better. She is on vacation, we will call when she returns, etc.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Forgetting her Mom died is a sign of Dementia.
I recommend getting her in for a complete physical.
Meanwhile, yes, if your assessment that Mom is fine with just a few old age issues, then speak with her. Next time she does this ask her frankly and outright if she doesn't realize her mother passed away. Ask her if she remembers when and how her mother died. Then ask her if she will play some games with you, because you worry her memory is slipping quite badly. Do the word memory test where you ask her to remember three words. Then talk about 15 minutes on another subject and ask her for those three words again. Ask her to draw you a clock that is set for some time you give her, say 2:15. You can look up some simple tests online if you like. It is time to be frank. I would want my daughter to come to me and say "Mom, you told me you wanted to go to see your Mom the other day. Do you honestly forget sometmes that your Mom is gone now, and how and when she died". Often elders realize they are failing, and in early stages are willing to talk about it. My brother was glad he knew of his early Lewy's dementia diagnosis and he actually became happy to describe to me how his "failing mind" interpreted the world differently.
My mom did the same thing. I made the mistake of trying to explain a couple of times. Each time was as if mom had heard of their passing for the first time. Even anger from mom that she hadn't been told.
Therapeutic white lies are much better. She is on vacation, we will call when she returns, etc.