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Maybe write a letter to your mom.

Put it in a journal, or in an envelope, but have mercy on your Mom, and don’t subject her to grief. Most nursing homes do not resemble the institutions that she may have seen in her younger years.

Your mom won’t remember if you tell her or not. This is more about you and your grief.

If you have adult children, and they can handle it, maybe share the letter with them.

I, like so many of us, have had zero training in dementia and the accompanying decisions, until I was forced to by crisis circumstances.

I am sharing portions of my caregiving journey with my adult children. I don’t ever want them to have to go in blind, like I did.

Best wishes.
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Don't tell her. This is merciful. Often on this forum the question arises of whether a caregiving adult child should tell and re-tell their parent that their spouse is no longer alive, every time they ask. No, there is no point in having the experience the emotional distress over and over. So it is perfectly moral to do what is merciful, which is tell them a "therapeutic fib". Refer to her new residence as her apartment. The staff will be happy to play along and does this all the time for others. May you receive peace in your heart.
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No. I agree with you, and you know how your mother will react best. You know that the ability to reason and have insight is not there now. A gentle transition will be kinder. It's really hard to let go of 'don't lie to your parents', no matter the circumstances...
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