My 78 year old mother suffered a stroke in March followed by a broken hip in April and then entered a nursing home in which she has just laid down and given up on life. Her dementia is such that the doctor consider's her no longer able to conduct her own affiars. She refuses to get out of the bed or to do anything with PT. She's now sleeping more than usual, basically has to be helped to eat a meal, does not talk as much as usual and today I was not even sure she knew me and anyone else. I got the impression that she is withdrawing into herself.
And, yes, Hospice is the way to go. My Dad went yesterday and they are making a world of difference in this grievous time. I don't know how long daddy has, but I thank God for Hospice
i wont be callin hospices unless i know my dad is on his way out .
i do know they changes meds and control over everything , im not ready to do that .
its a diffrent story if theyre suffering and is in alot of pain yes maybe a hospices be a good thing , as long as dad is not sufferin in pain then imnot going to worry about it ...
I want to be awake when my time comes and not under drugs. When I had my heart attack I was in the hospital. I heard angels singing. Wouldn't want to miss that. My lungs were filling up with water. They rushed me to another hospital and put the stents in. I told God I didn't want to die right now that I had other things I wanted to finish. It sure was the Lord who keep me here.
When hospice came in they told us they will not let her go past 9:30am. That told me they drug them enough so they just die. Would I call them to help, I don't think so. I can give proof about this too.
Prayers up for all dealing with this - especially right now!
Best,
Hapfra
I have seen hospice at work, and my experiences were very positive. I know that is what I would want under the circumstances.
Carol
Doc told my husband just last week that his dad is "failing to thrive." He's losing tons of weight, falling (and hallucinating), sleeping a lot, and sometimes can barely keep his eyes open when we visit, try to wake him, or try to talk with him. He seems to be losing his hearing, as well. When he is ambulatory, his gait is much slower, and he seems to be so feeble. He taught his grandson to play chess last year, and was still beating him at chess not too many months ago. Now he doesn't even play. Last night, when I gave him a hug at supper, he yelled, "Don't take my out of this hospital; I like it here!" (He's been telling us for four years he wants to escape.) He's 90.
txmaggie, thanks for the Hospice suggestion. Doc said we can call Hospice if we want, but they won't do much more than he's getting already at the nursing home. Is that true? I thought about calling anyway, but is it selfish to wish for more support for us?
My dad is only 77, but is losing more communication skills, both verbal and auditory. He doesn't seem to understand what we say to him, and can't complete a recognizable sentence when speaking. He's sleeping more, and eating less, often refusing meals. He falls asleep wherever he can recline, or in a chair. Sometimes he lets us feed him, but only a bite or two. Advanced Stage Alzheimer's seems to be stealing him swiftly. Right now it's got his sparkle, with barely a twinge of spark now and then. There's still a smile, but only for brief seconds. I've asked for a med review, and he's had some labs done. They ruled out UTI, but have found nothing else, nor changed his meds. The Ativan they give him helps with aggitation, but makes him drowsy. I miss my contented dad. So discouraging! :(
Hospice is also, generally, very savvy about what signs are about the dying process and what notes a need to intervene with the process so the patient is more comfortable. Some people go on and off hopsice several times, as they actually improve under the care.
Carol
Sometimes letting go can be so difficult for us, the ones "left behind". I truly believe that we need to make an extraordinary effort to get around or past our own feelings and needs, and do what we can to help the dying person to let go. As caregivers during the aging process we've done so much to help our parents, and this is the last and best thing we can and should do for them. I lost mom just before Thanksgiving and the feelings are still raw, but I still firmly believe that allowing her to go in peace was the best gift I could have given her.
So think about hospice. They'll be able to help you understand the stages of dying, support you, and help your mom. May you find peace in this process. I will pray for you and your mom.
She has been through a great deal of trauma and could have lost the will to fight anymore. My mother used to say to me, "Can't you just give me a little black pill?" She was so tired of pain and misery, even though we did everything we could to make life better. Of course, all I could say was, "No, I can't do that, but we will see if more can be done for your comfort."
I do believe she lost her will to live after my dad died, but it took five months for the physical effects to take over. She did get so she couldn't eat at all and then it was mostly about pain management and physical and psychological comfort. Dying is often a drawn out process. My heart goes out to you, as you are the one who must witness this process.
If the doctors think anything can be done to help her, listen to them and weigh the options. Will a procedure cause her more pain and misery, but prolong her life three days? These are choices we must make. What would she have wanted if she could make these decisions. You are savvy and concerned.
Please keep us posted. This is a hard way to spend this holiday season. I know. I experienced three Christmas season deaths. But it's not easy any time. Knowing my loved ones were finally out of pain was my comfort.
Take care,
Carol