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I think she has the right to take decisions for the betterment of her life. As of mother care you should hire a care center.
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Place her in skilled nursing facility. I am only 50, and in very good health, and I could not handle the demands of my elderly aunt and working a full time job. I had 4 children in college at the same time; therefore, quitting my job was not an option. Take her to the facilities and have her chose one. She will not be happy anywhere she goes, so she will just have to deal with it. I am sorry. I have told my children that they are welcome to place me in a facility when the time comes because I do not want them to resent me and I want to have a great relationship with them as we grow older.
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Jasmina Oct 2018
Id also get the poa picked and who gets what furniture & why etc. Its nice so ALL family members know, so there is no resentment or fighting. And they know why you picked the poa, or maybe even the AL or furure nursing home you liked. I have just seen too many families fight over everything, and the poa do shady things. And you can rest assured knowing your wishes are known and can be carried out.
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I just wanted to add that your MIL's living arrangements should NOT be near you.

There is still a lot of caregiving needed by people who are living in nursing homes or assisted living facilities. She needs to be near her daughter.
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kdcm1011 Oct 2018
Oh, so very true! After Mom moved out of my home, where I had NO help from my siblings, we moved her to an AL close to my sister. It was an hour for me & 15 minutes for her. I left ALL the responsibilities of managing her care with my sister — after all, she wrestled financial POA from me (we were co-POA but she never informed me), so have at it. Sister was not happy, constantly trying to rope me back in. Nope, not having it. When Mom had to move to a NH, it was 15 minutes away from sister but in the opposite direction, which added 30 minutes to the distance from me. Sis had no choice but to be primary contact because of her proximity. She constantly complained while I listened & provided moral support.
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I too don't have time to read all responses. It's ironic that your SIL admits to not being able to take care of her any longer but expects you to. THE ANSWER IS NO YOU CAN'T. I'm very sorry but she cannot live here. Not an option. Do not feel guilty, you do not need to explain yourself or give reasons. the answer is no make sure your husband is on your side with this, he can't expect you to do this either. Again you need not give any reason (people try to fight the reason and argue it - No is no and they can't argue that away. You do not have to defend yourself. They may blame you anyway - because their own guilt of not taking care of her will come out and be put on you - so what, really what relationship do you have with them anyway - We are all on your side here - it will be hard to take a stand but not harder than taking care of MIL - Good Luck!
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WHY WORRY ABOUT WHAT THEY SAY? - stand by your guns & have her put where she gets the help she needs - if you say NO & rest of family says no too then why is it your fault that she goes into care? - by the way why does it have to be anyone's fault but MIL's?

Going into care isn't going to jail - look at some places NOT IN YOUR TOWN otherwise you'll be the 'go to' person again - tell SIL to look for a place near her for respite for her mom & hopefully MIL stays

When in your 70's you need help not becoming a caregiver - tell them you are too old to take on that responsibility given your own health issues [which you do not need to explain further because it is nobody's business but your own]
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You have gone far and above what many people would do. You paid your dues. Do NOT let her return home. Tell them they either do your share or she will be put into a facility. Start living your life and enjoy it while you can. This is in no way your fault. Years ago I had a friend whose family absolutely refused to help her. It eventually fell on me, a friend, and I did it but finally the day came and I put her into a facility. Turned out to be the best thing ever all around - so do it. Be strong.
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