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my sister as the POA, that will create thousands of dollars in legal fees for me. Why? Because, my sisters are 10 plus years older than I am, they have houses paid for, I don't . the one large asset my father is splitting with us, unless he is lying big time is the house, he and my mother own. They do not live there because they cannot. They are too ill. She is far worse off than he, and not of right ming "alzheimer's" The house is about a $350,000 or more asset to me. That cash, would pay my house off, and make my life, so I am not care giving for 82 hours a week. I do this because I have to. My husband got really sick, and tonight, the reality is this. If I do not have some sort of income, I will be working 80 hours a week for a year or so. I am 54, and who can keep up that schedule?

My sisters do not invite me to anything, they are big babies, and my father has never stuck up for me. In private of course, I feel sorry for you and am proud of you, but when push comes to shove and I say dad, what do you thing of making your real estate;

I realize that regardless, I am stating that when my parents die, I am wanting to sell my 1/3 portion of a house that is out in the middle of nowhere, but why would I want to have 1/3 share. If I was in a better financial shape yes, but I know my POA sister who won't even call me, and lives less than a mile from me is pathetic and sick.

I need advice of any kind.

I know i am banking on my parents money, but I have tried to talk to my father, and he states, that is not my problem. I feel for 20 years he has been a real cop out on this.

Right now, both sisters are taking money left and right and because my parents are not dead, I cannot find out a thing legally. My dad told me once just get along,

Thanks for your help.

I LOVE MY CAREGIVING JOBS

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the house's total value is over 1,150,000.00 plus other valuable things in the savings.
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The cost of keeping two of them in a nursing home will add up quickly, and your sisters are correct in not selling the house. Homesteads are exempt assets, but if they are sold now, ALL the money has to pay for their care and cannot be divided or distributed in any way. The person who is POA cannot benefit financially from their position. You want to be POA and sell the house and take your 1/3, which in legal terms would be a "conflict of interest" and no judge in any court would allow that. Your father made the right choice by appointing someone who is not interested in profiting by their POA.
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I'm with pstegman on this. Unless they have huge savings and other assets, you'll be surprised how much things can cost. I had an uncle who had a rare blood disease that cost something like $1,000 a dose (I really don't remember the exact figure or how often he had to take it), and you sometimes hear of expensive experimental surgeries. It can get more costly more quickly than you might realize.

Personally, I think selling the house would be a good idea and putting the money in the bank rather than paying for upkeep, but that money still probably mainly needs to be help for your parents' care with the remainder going to you and your siblings.

However, if you are desperate for money, I think my accountant told me that parents can gift up to $10,000/year without tax penalty. I don't know that that would cause an issue with the nursing homes, but I would ask an accountant about that and see if your siblings might be willing to distribute that much and also if they think that much would cause issues with your parents' savings.
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Geo, No they can't even gift things away. IRS would consider it a tax free gift, BUT Medicaid would consider it hiding assets and impose a $10K penalty.
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At this point discussing your sister being Power of Attorney isn't going to solve. Anything. If he has dementia, he can't change his Will or Trust because he is considered incompetent. I'm sorry you are having financial issues, but you can't count on any monies from the house until after he is gone. He made that choice for a reason, and now it it too late to do anything. I'm the Power of Attorney for my Mom, and my brother is extremely angry about it and we ended up in Court and now don't speak. But who do you think will be at the front door with his hand out the minute she passes on asking for his portion of the trust? After reading the stories on here (and my own situation), nothing surprises me anymore.
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Thanks, pstegman. One point I want to make to those people who ask questions that are financially-based is that they should always check with an accountant for tax issues, a lawyer for legal issues, and don't forget to check with all benefit agencies for their rules, too (the example in this discussion would be Medicare/Medicaid). It is quite complicated to figure out and some of the issues vary from state-to-state.
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Caregiving is hard work and 80 hours a week is too much. But as others have said, it does sound like you need to 1. Talk to an accountant or attorney and 2. Create an income plan that has nothing to do with your parents or their house.
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Comments to those who wrote please read. I am talking of their house when they pass on, not during their lives, and no I am not greedy, this is something that my father talks about freely. It is not as if it is something that we are all waiting for them to die, that is far from the truth. I am the main care giver for both of them. Meaning, I take them out on outings, I purchase things they need, etc. This comment is for AFTER THEY have PASSED ON. So, the answer would be this house because of the location will be sitting EMPTY, and my take is, my sisters almost hate me, just because my parents have put me in positions to make decisions, and as far as Dementia and competent. His doctor stated that he IS COMPITENTANT. As I stated, he is starting to show signs, and just signed his original will last week. With that being said.

The reason that I am working 80 hours is because my husband had a heart attack, and we have lost his income to live on. Eventually, we are going to sell our house, but I am very financially smart, and don;t want to jump before it is the right situation.

Do not judge until you really know the entire situation, that is why I am trying to make sure you all know. I am a financial planner. We lost $4,000 per month in income, and there is no way with care giving I can make that up, and 80 is just temporary. Clearly no one could do that and not go nuts.
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My father went to change the POA to me, but my sister (whom lost her husband early), and has a house paid off and had a life insurance policy of $500,000 just threw a temper tantrum, my father said "I give up, you two older ones grow up, be adults, stop being children, and allow your younger sister a say in this world"
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First, I agree with annet: You need to make a financial plan for yourselves that does not depend on your inheritance. Many things could happen before your parents' deaths that could have a big impact on the amount you can inherit. If you do inherit a substantial sum, let that be a bonus, but figure out how to do without it. I am very sorry for your husband's disability and loss of income. Believe me, I know first hand how devastating that is.

Second, I do not understand how which one of you has POA as any impact on what you will inherit. How will having a sister with POA create legal fees for you? I hope you will explain this a little more, because it seems to be the heart of the issue and we could address it better if we understood it.
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So you want to be POA and you want to have income? You work 80 hours a week plus you are their caregiver? But they are in a nursing home? You are a financial planner but you have no money? Your husband is very sick but not on Medicare?
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No difference really but, let me explain, when my sister's husband died, she changed, and I tried to be their for her, and she let go from all of her sisters (including my other one too), and does not talk to anyone, at all. There are no ways that I can realistically have a conversation with her. She is stuck in her own stuff.
Therefore, before all this happened, she was named the POA, which was fine when she was communicating with both of us. She is not. At All. She clearly stated, she is keeping the house that mom and dad have regardless of off it sits empty.
It is highly unadvisable to have a POA that does not have good communication skills with those that will need to be part of the solution in getting things done.

AGAIN, I am a bit frustrated that I cannot make a statement, or let me rephrase, I feel like when I make a statement about my parents house, you all feel as if I am sitting here waiting for that. Let me tell you what I think about wills. I expect nothing in life, nothing is ever handed to a person, and anything given is a bonus.

The reason for the attorney's is because every attorney I have talked too has stated that it is almost impossible to have a POA that has NO COMMUNICATION, and there are things I can do in the court to get information out of her. i.e. she has made it known, she is not going to share public information with us.

But, please people, I am an adult, and obviously there are many adults out there living off of someone else's money. My parents lived with me, and I paid the entire cost and quit my job and took care of them for zero because they are my parents. I paid for their food, because they took care of me when I was a baby, and it is obvious that there must be greedy people that all they want is there parents money. NO NO NO, forget all of it. my gosh you don't think I am trying in the last 2 weeks to come up with a totally different financial plan???? Of course, and NONE has to do with my parents EVER. I have never taken a penny from my parents. They raised me to work and work hard. That is what I have done since I had graduated for college. So please will everyone get OUT OF THEIR head that I am banking on some kind of money from my parents.

I just say this. If/When my parents whom I adore pass on, it would be ashamed to hold onto a house that is two hours away and has sat empty for the last two years. If I were POA, we could have rented that to create income for my dad to help with expenses he has. I say he has, because I haven't even mentioned my mother whom is in a living facility for Alzheimer's.

Thank you and I hope all has been understood. I AM NOT A MONEY HUNGER, NOR DO I NEED FINANCIAL ADVICE, MY HUSBAND just died, and you write things just to see the answers. I appreciate one person whom will read this.
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No I don't want to be POA, I want the POA to be communicative, and no I have a job, I don't need anyone's income but my own. I have worked 80 hours for four weeks (helping a dear family) that is short term). I am a financial planner and have money, just trying to figure things out. My husband had a heart attack two weeks ago and died. I want no handouts, this is a website where we can write just to get ideas, not get dumped on.
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Your sister has Dad's Power of Attorney. She has responsibility to decide whether to rent the house, sell it, let it sit empty, etc. It sounds like your dad is still competent to make his own decisions, and if that is the case, she has responsibility to carry out his wishes. If he wants it rented, she should be trying to arrange that on his behalf.

Even if she communicated brilliantly with you and your other sister, even if she listened carefully to your input, she would still have the final responsibility. She could still let the house sit empty (assuming your father doesn't have other wishes).

It sounds like you suggested to your father that he change POA, and he decided not to. That is his right.

So what is it you want advice about? We can't tell you how to transform your sister into the kind of person you'd like her to be, and we can't tell you how to convince your dad to change behavior it sounds like he's been exhibiting for many years. What kind of advice are you looking for?

And I am sorry that you apparently feel attacked by us posters. We can only react to what you tell us.
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Keydeb, your husband died two weeks ago? I am so sorry to hear that. No wonder your story is not completely coherent! I remember what I was like in that stage of my grief.

So you are a professional financial planner, and you are "moonlighting" as a 40-hours-per week caregiver because you need the money? And you were doing this for a couple of weeks before your husband died, and have continued to do it since? You must be so stressed and upset. No wonder your sisters' behavior and excluding you from their social lives, etc. is especially upsetting to you at this time.

Give yourself a break in trying to work this all out. Deal with your grief. I was advised not to make any drastic or permanent decisions for many months -- a year if possible -- after my husband died. I think that is good advice.

Please accept my condolences.
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As I read about Kaydeb's worries, I realized I don't know how families usually handle it when one heir wants to sell inherited real estate and the others don't. Is there any way that one heir can oblige others to sell, or to buy out his or her share? Or does it depend entirely on the good will of the heirs and their ability to work together to reach a good solution?
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Realtime, I think the general answer is that the asset must be sold and the proceeds split as directed in the will. If one party wants to buy the others out that can work, too.

In this case the owner of the house is still living, and it is not yet an inheritance.
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No one owes us an inheritance. Our parents money should go to their care First and if we should be so fortunate to receive anything in the end, so be it. They earned it, they deserve the best of care with it. Any POA who is taking unnessary ,unrecorded money from a parent will be in huge trouble in the end and owe it back.Being a POA isnt just being "the boss" its a true highly responsible job and it must be done 100% correct. Forget the money, forget the siblings, do the right thing and if taking care of a parent isnt for free and you cannot do it, then dont do it We have to all take care of ourselves however we can without counting on someone else, or worrying that someone else is stealing a parents money,let it go and move on.
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PS Even if the house IS sold, the money can NOT go to anyone until both parents have died. You do not even become a beneficiary until they both die. The POA legally might be able to sell or rent that house, but NOT give any money away until their death, thats the law, been there myself. If the POA did, they would be responsible.That money is for the parents only and no one can change that except if the parent is of sound mind and gives someone money. The POA can not give out anything regardless of her being nice or not, its against the law.
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I think having POA does give power. I have POA over everything for my mother and I do realize I have to be careful not to abuse it. If it were a situation where I wanted to punish my slbling, do something dishonest, that kind of thing, it's my opinion that it would rather easy.

In my case, my mother really needed some help and asked me to do it. Our agreement is that, for now, she does everything she is capable of, but that I help, but some day will probably do more. For example, she can't balance her bank book without help nor write the checks for her bills and I help her, but I don't just do it for her. It occurred to me that it would save me time to do it for her, but I want to keep her independent and proud as much as I can and I don't want to appear to just be taking over. Not every POA takes this view of it and I think there really is concern where siblings hate each other that the POA probably really could find ways to abuse it.
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When a person passes away their Durable Power of Attorney is no longer valid. That being true, when your parents pass away whomever has their power of attorney will lose the authority to take any action on their behalf. Unless there is a co-owner on financial accounts the power to access your parents financial accounts, make decisions regarding their real estate, pay debts, etc. will fall to the executor of their estate. Please, before you invest too much emotion and thought into who has POA for your father, consider what it really means and what the responsibilities are that go along with it. The law may vary between states. I have lived it in Alabama but you should check locally.
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You know what? Reversroles, someday email me, I would like to get to know you as I have seen specific themes in your answers.

Secondly, I asked this question not for me, for my father. My father has worked hard, and I am the youngest daughter and there is much in between the lines, but the one thing he worked hard more is to make sure his daughter(s) have had a happy upbringing and life. That is important to him. I believe it is important to acknowledge him and tell him how much I appreciate all that he has done. I have realized on this website I should have not asked a few too personal questions.
The reason I will need an attorney and I cannot forget it is because
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Geo123, thanks you actually added something to my question that was real, not a person that was angry at life, so many people say, get out, don't deal with siblings and end all things involving your parents assets asap. My father wants us to have what he has worked very hard for because he has more than plenty saved up, and that is just the way my father is. He is caring sharing and loves his children (adult) very much. We have all taken two years a piece to take our parents inside each of our homes to assist them in their Activities of Daily life. My mother has Alzheimer's and father has a Aphasia type Dementia. Thank you for all of the KIND supportive, not bitter people that have assisted me.

You are the people that will go somewhere in this world. I don't do well with bitter people.
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Actually, this post has way lost the original intent, and I did ask all of the questions very clearly at the beginning, it is the people that started writing questions, that were not looking at my main issues, and it was clearly stated at the beginning.

Try again for another day.
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Kaydeb, so sorry you have lost your husband, my condolences.
As for the POA, you could go to court and challenge the appointment, but be fairly advised, where siblings cannot agree on a POA, the Judge will appoint an independent guardian that neither of you may want.
Again, POA ends at death, and the Executor takes over and must follow the instructions in the Will. With a large amount of assets, you go to Surrogate's Court for "Probate". A second battle will likely ensue, and again, the Judge appoints an impartial third party for the Probate.
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I give up.
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You never mentioned if there was a will, only a POA which ends in death. If there is a will, how are the assets divided?
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1/3 1/3 1/3 yes there is a will
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Good Start. Now, go to the assessors office for the town where the big house is, and look up who owns it. You can probably do this online. It should show your father's name. IF it says "life tenant" then the house is already in a trust. I think you know what a trust is, right?
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If the home will be sold after your parents death, then you will be entitled to 1/3 the procedes. Hope that that is what your sister's want or they will have to give you 1/3 the fair market value of the home.
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