She had mom sign it.She also told my mom that since she felt I would spend all my half that she would be in charge of doing out a little at a time if she felt I needed it.
Money and families--ugh, often a mess. Do talk to an attorney, there may be some real issues of bending the law here.
My son is an attorney (not in our state) and he called me a couple of weeks ago, freaking out that dad and I don't have a will. (We've had one for 15 years, thanks, son). He wants us to do things a certain way--and we have what we feel comfortable with. I told him exactly how the will is written and that he will receive his 1/5 of the estate. Also pointed out to him that he hasn't lived within 1000 miles of us in 13 years and that he is not involved in our day to day, and had no say in what we want. His 4 sisters have never said a word about the will. He is a great guy, but he'd drive his sisters insane. Right now everything is aboveboard and fine. He'd come into the picture and the sisters would never speak to him again.
In REALITY wills aren't ways to manipulate people and get "behaviors" from them you want. I have never seen an estate settled where everyone feels good about the end result. Somebody has done far more than somebody else, yet the "no-see-ums" seem to happily take their share and go back to wherever and never think about it again.
But, in your case, an hour of an estate planning attorney's time would be money well spent.
You're facing a Goliath of a problem. Dealing with siblings, inheritance, signatures, mom..........huge burden. Yes, seek legal advice ASAP. My best regards and wishes to you! M88
I hear ya Garden Artist. My charming brother who came down to "help" he said for a week when being told dad had back to back doctor's appts(within the same facility) said "well I didn't come here to go to Dr. appts"...so much for help.
My dad had a "chat" with him and he went, I let him push the wheelchair, dad was on oxygen(sounds like you know that drill) so that required carrying an extra temporary tank. Do nothing got to see a very brief reality of our world.
I have to say I enjoyed it.....LOL. He saw what my total existence was, never once said "thanks for taking care of mom and dad".
I'm always suspect when I see someone on the complaining end of the parent's will, there is usually a good reason for this.
Shelly, you're being too vague. Is that on purpose?
Is your sister taking care of your mother? Sounds like that might be the case.
I'm a big believer in the adult child who does the caregiving should get more, they give up their life and many times their livelihood. So they lose SS benefits, maybe a pension, and earning money.
It's hard to say in this situation since so little information was provided. We don't even know if any caregiving is going on.
We don't know who is doing the caregiving. We don't know if mother is even in need of care. Shelly has chosen to be vague about the situation, so I don't know how we can advise her.
Sunflower, doesn't sound like you or your siblings cared for your father.
Sounds like he was placed somewhere. You would feel differently if you quit your job, did all the caregiving for your dad, and your siblings did nothing or barely helped even when you asked. Doing a spreadsheet isn't doing "hands on" caregiving.
Get back to us when one sibling puts their life on hold, which can include moving quite a distance, giving up their job to care for a parent.
Decent siblings should recognize that the adult child who did all that should get a larger percentage, not only because they did the caregiving, but they lost income and their SS will be less by not working.
Unfortunately it doesn't always work out that way, the do nothing sibling manages to show up(now they have time now that the parent is gone and the work is over) and think the deserve just as much as their sibling who took care of the parent.
The OP is very vague, and never came back, but I suspect it's a case of her sister is carrying the full load.
Sorry, the adult child who carried that full load should get more. In most cases they're going to need it to live on especially if the caregiving removed them from the work force for several years. If you're 58 and spend the last say 7 years as a caregiver, you would be hard pressed to find something in this still shaky economy.
That's not what I said, stop the dramatics. What I said was it's not the same as doing hands on caregiving, because it isn't.
I didn't say anything about not being loved...sigh. Many times it isn't possible to keep someone at home and a facility is the only option.
I was referring(try reading) to that poster that they had no problem with their siblings splitting things 3 ways evenly was due to the fact that one of them wasn't doing hands on caregiving without help of the other two, Which often requires the sole caregiver to give up their job.
Again, try reading.
It's very easy to split things 3 ways evenly when mom or dad is an facility, somewhat different when one sibling gives up their job, moves in with a parent, or the parent moves in with them, does all the hard work, is on call 24/7, while the other sibling who does NOTHING, but magically now has time once the parent is gone and now thinks everything should be 50/50.
Kind of like of going out to a restaurant, you get iced tea and burger, others get drinks, appetizer, and steaks, bill arrives and you hear "Let's just split it"....LOL.
To the rest of you who responded to irishboy about my comments, I was simply responding to the financial side of the question. I cared for my dad everyday. Only when he became bedridden, did I need to have a caregiver come in and help me with the lifting and bathing. I wasn't about to "blow my own horn" about the everyday care I gave Dad, because I did it because he was such a good father and always took such good care of me and the rest of the family. The spreadsheets I sent my brother and sister were about the costs of his medicine, personal items, caregiver costs, etc. It doesn't mean I wasn't there for him each and everyday.
Do talk to an attorney, there may be some real issues of bending the law here.
My son is an attorney (not in our state) and he called me a couple of weeks ago, freaking out that dad and I don't have a will. (We've had one for 15 years, thanks, son). He wants us to do things a certain way--and we have what we feel comfortable with. I told him exactly how the will is written and that he will receive his 1/5 of the estate. Also pointed out to him that he hasn't lived within 1000 miles of us in 13 years and that he is not involved in our day to day, and had no say in what we want. His 4 sisters have never said a word about the will. He is a great guy, but he'd drive his sisters insane. Right now everything is aboveboard and fine. He'd come into the picture and the sisters would never speak to him again.
In REALITY wills aren't ways to manipulate people and get "behaviors" from them you want. I have never seen an estate settled where everyone feels good about the end result. Somebody has done far more than somebody else, yet the "no-see-ums" seem to happily take their share and go back to wherever and never think about it again.
But, in your case, an hour of an estate planning attorney's time would be money well spent.
My best regards and wishes to you!
M88
My dad had a "chat" with him and he went, I let him push the wheelchair, dad was on oxygen(sounds like you know that drill) so that required carrying an extra temporary tank. Do nothing got to see a very brief reality of our world.
I have to say I enjoyed it.....LOL. He saw what my total existence was, never once said "thanks for taking care of mom and dad".
I'm always suspect when I see someone on the complaining end of the parent's will, there is usually a good reason for this.
Is your sister taking care of your mother? Sounds like that might be the case.
I'm a big believer in the adult child who does the caregiving should get more, they give up their life and many times their livelihood. So they lose SS benefits, maybe a pension, and earning money.
It's hard to say in this situation since so little information was provided. We don't even know if any caregiving is going on.
Sounds like he was placed somewhere. You would feel differently if you quit your job, did all the caregiving for your dad, and your siblings did nothing or barely helped even when you asked. Doing a spreadsheet isn't doing "hands on" caregiving.
Get back to us when one sibling puts their life on hold, which can include moving quite a distance, giving up their job to care for a parent.
Decent siblings should recognize that the adult child who did all that should get a larger percentage, not only because they did the caregiving, but they lost income and their SS will be less by not working.
Unfortunately it doesn't always work out that way, the do nothing sibling manages to show up(now they have time now that the parent is gone and the work is over) and think the deserve just as much as their sibling who took care of the parent.
The OP is very vague, and never came back, but I suspect it's a case of her sister is carrying the full load.
Sorry, the adult child who carried that full load should get more. In most cases they're going to need it to live on especially if the caregiving removed them from the work force for several years. If you're 58 and spend the last say 7 years as a caregiver, you would be hard pressed to find something in this still shaky economy.
I didn't say anything about not being loved...sigh. Many times it isn't possible to keep someone at home and a facility is the only option.
I was referring(try reading) to that poster that they had no problem with their siblings splitting things 3 ways evenly was due to the fact that one of them wasn't doing hands on caregiving without help of the other two, Which often requires the sole caregiver to give up their job.
Again, try reading.
It's very easy to split things 3 ways evenly when mom or dad is an facility, somewhat different when one sibling gives up their job, moves in with a parent, or the parent moves in with them, does all the hard work, is on call 24/7, while the other sibling who does NOTHING, but magically now has time once the parent is gone and now thinks everything should be 50/50.
Kind of like of going out to a restaurant, you get iced tea and burger, others get drinks, appetizer, and steaks, bill arrives and you hear "Let's just split it"....LOL.
See All Answers