It seems mom is getting up in the night and urinating on her bedroom floor as if she thinks she’s in the bathroom. She cleans it up and we find urine soaked paper towels in her bedroom trash can. She has no idea where it comes from when asked if she had an accident. Her pjs aren’t soiled so I feel adult incontinence panties aren’t going to help because they pull down just like underwear. Now what? She’s in a difficult phase of being completely lucid and yet not. We’re just not ready to move her to assisted living. Yet. Ugh.
I would start doing the research today there are many nice facilities available.
Placing a commode in her bedroom is not likely to make a difference; if she knew enough to use a toilet, she'd use the regular toilet.
What you can do is purchase an Alzheimer's jumpsuit garment for your mother that zips up in the back that is specifically designed for this issue. This garment prevents her from removing it to eliminate, and so she must do so in the disposable undergarment.
https://www.amazon.com/s?k=alzheimers+jumpsuit+with+back+zipper+womens&crid=22GAZ8A9EPSJO&sprefix=alzheimers+jump%2Caps%2C175&ref=nb_sb_ss_i_2_15
You may want to look into Memory Care Assisted Living at this point in time. That doesn't mean she has to go there today, but if you have a place in mind and on the back burner, when the time feels right, you can call the admissions director and get her placed. It's not a 'bad' thing, but a good thing, actually, because your mother will have lots of activities to enjoy every day in addition to lots of socialization with people her own age and in the same boat she's in. 3 hot meals and 3 snacks a day...........people tend to look at AL as a 'last resort' when in fact it should be looked at as a better alternative than staying at home, if your mom can afford it. Yesterday, the Activities Director had 4 things planned for the residents; balloon toss (which is a crowd favorite), chair bowling, trivia, arts & crafts and coloring. Twice a week there is live entertainment and once a week there is an outing on the mini-bus to a museum, the Bronco's training camp, Village Inn restaurant, a scenic drive, and things of that nature.
Best of luck!
You could hire someone to sit and watch her sleep, so they can help her with her panties when she gets up to use the bathroom. But, she may also need someone to watch her at all times, to ensure that she goes to bathroom. A set schedule is good, plus, checking her pullups regularly.
Caring for two people with dementia who are both mobile......I can't imagine. I wish you luck.