So as I’ve explained before, both mom and stepdad live with me and hubs in their own on add suite. Both with different levels of dementia.

Tchrlange, you could try using a baby monitor to wake you every time your mom gets up in the night. I used two such monitors -- one with just audio and the other with video and audio and between the two, they never failed to awaken me. The benefit was that cleanups were easier and more timely. The down side, of course, is that I became severely sleep-deprived for the last couple of years before finally deciding to move my dad to the best memory care assisted living facility I could find in our area. Kudos for providing your mom's care and best wishes in navigating this hard journey.

Maybe you are not ready, but it may be the time to do this for her. It is about what is best for her. Doing something for her now would allow her to acclimate to her new home and her husband too. They can be with people their own ages, join in on the activities and more.

I would start doing the research today there are many nice facilities available.

Unfortunately, there is no way to prevent this behavior, even in a Memory Care environment. When I clocked in last week, I came down the resident hallway to find a huge pile of feces on the carpet, left by one of the residents who does this once in a while, getting confused about where the toilet is. The difference is, in MC, someone ELSE cleans up the mess.

Placing a commode in her bedroom is not likely to make a difference; if she knew enough to use a toilet, she'd use the regular toilet.

What you can do is purchase an Alzheimer's jumpsuit garment for your mother that zips up in the back that is specifically designed for this issue. This garment prevents her from removing it to eliminate, and so she must do so in the disposable undergarment.

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=alzheimers+jumpsuit+with+back+zipper+womens&crid=22GAZ8A9EPSJO&sprefix=alzheimers+jump%2Caps%2C175&ref=nb_sb_ss_i_2_15

You may want to look into Memory Care Assisted Living at this point in time. That doesn't mean she has to go there today, but if you have a place in mind and on the back burner, when the time feels right, you can call the admissions director and get her placed. It's not a 'bad' thing, but a good thing, actually, because your mother will have lots of activities to enjoy every day in addition to lots of socialization with people her own age and in the same boat she's in. 3 hot meals and 3 snacks a day...........people tend to look at AL as a 'last resort' when in fact it should be looked at as a better alternative than staying at home, if your mom can afford it. Yesterday, the Activities Director had 4 things planned for the residents; balloon toss (which is a crowd favorite), chair bowling, trivia, arts & crafts and coloring. Twice a week there is live entertainment and once a week there is an outing on the mini-bus to a museum, the Bronco's training camp, Village Inn restaurant, a scenic drive, and things of that nature.

Best of luck!

How about a commode in the bedroom? This way she doesn't have to travel as far in the middle of the night and maybe seeing it will jog her fogy sleeping mind to use it?

I'd reconsider what will require you to find placement. My LO became bladder incontinent and then bowel incontinent in a couple of months. For some family members that is the time they seek placement, because, that's a huge deal and it might be met with resistance to care, which is also challenging.

You could hire someone to sit and watch her sleep, so they can help her with her panties when she gets up to use the bathroom. But, she may also need someone to watch her at all times, to ensure that she goes to bathroom. A set schedule is good, plus, checking her pullups regularly.

Caring for two people with dementia who are both mobile......I can't imagine. I wish you luck.