Social worker called and says my mom has to be discharged home. I asked what home? She sold it. She said, to your house where she came from. I said I already discussed that my house is not safe for her and it was only temporary until her apartment opened. She said well you can look into senior living facilities for her. I said, no that is your job. I do not have POA. She said then I will have to get my supervisor involved. Any other suggestions?
Mom needs to be in a facility not your home or her own apartment. Mom wanted you out of it so mom has to figure it out with the social worker.
Do not allow them to drop her off at your home no matter what threat they make to you. The supervisor will get involved to find a place for her to land. If your mom has cognitive/memory impairment the county will probably move to acquire guardianship. Then they will control everything. I'm not sure there is any middle ground solutions here. Let us know how it goes. I wish you success in working with social services and the hospital.
Tell the social worker that she CAN NOT come to your home. She doesn't live there, she was just visiting while in transition and you ARE NOT able to provide her any care or assistance, PERIOD.
She is financially able to rent a furnished apartment and that's what she needs to do.
I know it is difficult to step back and say no but, if anyone believes her lies, your life will be a living hell and you could lose everything proving you didn't do whatever she decides to accuse you of.
Mom's resources pay for mom's housing and care; the SW can discuss with mom what that care looks like.
Get your locks changed today and arrange to be away from your home (vacation?). Call 911 if they drop mom and have her taken back to the hospital.
Please keep us updated.
Is Mom still getting her apartment? Maybe she can be placed in an Assisted living till then?
If you lived in the area I am in, this would not have been a problem at all. Heck, here, Hospitals highly encourage discharged seniors to go to some type of assistance facility be it AL or NH
Sometimes selective deafness is a great tool. Use it as much as possible whenever they suggest something will happen that involves you. Just give them that "Who, me?" look and laugh.
I had an aunt who would tell the hospital DP that "My niece and granddaughter will be moving in and staying with me, so send me home now!"
And they would not even bother calling us and would act all shocked whenever we told them in person that she was LYING and that we were NOT available to be with her for more than a couple of hours during the day and not at all at night.
Then they would try to coerce and bully us. They didn't even want to do their job of finding a rehab center to take her. It is infuriating and I read so many stories like this here.
My Dad passed on July 3rd, while in rehab facility. They never called to tell me he passed and I found out when I arrived for my daily visit. The entire experience was an eye opener. Our loved ones/elders deserve so much better. Best of luck to you and your family.
The hospital will play a game of chicken with people. They want all these elderly out of the place and will tell the family members every kind of threatening and completely outrageous lies they can think of to force them into taking the person home with them even if it unsafe and they cannot care for them.
Nobody will have to argue with hospital "honchoes". The hospital will call on the state and their social services to find a place for an elder they want to discharge from the hospital. This only happens if family members don't fold and give into their demands.
A elderly family member of mine with dementia was brought to the hospital on a 'Social Admit' because there was no one who could care for her. Her kids and grown grandkids tried to work it out, but they couldn't. I got a call from a hospital social worker telling me that she was getting discharged and has nowhere to go. That she knows I have a long history in homecare and after all the family is legally responsible for her. I was nice to her and said that I give her credit for being able to spead the bullcrap so thick without laughing because in no way was I responsible. She hung up on me.
The hospital found placement for my relative in the dementia unit of a local nursing home. She's still there now six years later.
Your doing everything you need to so far just keep making sure everyone knows the deal and why, it isn't safe for her (you are only thinking of her well being). Then you have to find a way to stick to your guns, which won’t be easy, if she shows up at your door either on her own or with your brother (I think I remember he is her POA?). Sending you strength.
That social worker is totally scamming you too. She doesn't want to do her job and use hospital resources to find your mother a temporary place to go that will be safe for her. So she will try to shake you down to take her to your house regardless of your house not being safe for her.
Don't back down. Make the soical worker earn her pay and do her job.
Oh, come on. If the mom is competent like all the professionals say, she would be responsible for making arrangements for herself for a safe place to stay when the hospital discharges her. She's also not a child.
Her daughter does not have to find her a place to go. So really it isn't up to the OP to work with the social worker to find something. It's up to the mother to work with them.
The OP states that she told the hospital that her mother could not come back to her house because she can't have her there anymore and she was only temporary anyway until her apartment is ready.
She does not have to recite the Gettysburg Address to these people or give them the Magna Carta with a list of reasons they will find acceptable for why she's not taking the mother back. They're not owed any explanations from her.
The mother can actually go into custodial care (room and board) in a nursing home until her apartment is ready for her. That is what the hospital will find for her and the daughter should tell them go ahead.
What I think we may have here is a case of senior stubborness. The mother wants back into the daughter's home and will settle for nothing else.
My view on stubbornness is pretty plain and simple. Take the help you're being offered or get used to sleeping on a bench in the park.