Sole caretaker needing surgery and feeling guilty. Any advice?

You need to take care of yourself so that you can take care of your mother. You will only make your condition worse by not doing anything. Respite care sounds like a good idea. Perhaps you can you hire someone to come in for a few hours a day while you recover? Good luck.

You must remember that you cannot care for anyone adequately if you fail to take care of yourself. You might consider home health care for your mother or a temporary placement, as you mentioned, in an assisted living respite situation. In my experience, recovery from knee surgery, and I speak of only the surgery, not the rehab, is a matter of 2-3 days, so a temporary placement of a week might offer a workable solution. Best wishes for a speedy recovery and do work on the post-surgery physical therapy. It is crucial.

Respite for mom and you go get surgery! You will be no help at all if you can not walk.

What's wrong with Assisted Living? My parents lived in one for 7 years in total and had a wonderful time doing so. I can never understand when people act like AL is some sort of house of horrors or an asylum from the 19th century! My parents AL was *and still is* like a hotel with a lobby and a front desk, top of the line furniture, apartments that look like hotel rooms with granite bathrooms, 4 acre gardens w gazebos for strolling that win awards every year, a dining room with floor to ceiling windows that overlook that garden, an activity room with a hardwood dance floor, and on and ON. I should be so lucky to be able to afford living there in my old age.

Remember that your mother's life is not the only life that's important here, and her care is not the only care that matters. As only children, you and I can get caught up in that silly mindset sometimes. But the truth is, OUR lives are JUST as important as THEIR lives. I needed a hip replacement and neck fusion surgery when my parents were alive and of course I had it. There was never any question in my mind that those surgeries were necessary for my well being and if I didn't have that neck surgery stat, I faced the possibility of paralysis.

Your knee replacement surgery is just as important to your well being. Your mother is a big girl and will be just FINE in AL for however long she needs to stay there, and she'll have lots of other elders her age to talk to and complain to about all sorts of things. That's what they DO: they kvetch to one another about the food and the serving sizes and one another.......the gossip is endless! Put all your fears to rest and focus on YOURSELF for a change while others see to your mother and her needs. You deserve to.

Best of luck with your surgery and the recovery process.

You are only guilty of not taking care of yourself.
Respite exists for many reasons, taking few weeks for yourself with or without surgery would be recommended so is 2 weeks or a month for nice vacation.