After a long 9 to 5 day. I just spent the last 4 hours giving my bedridden Mom an enema and watching the poop slowly fall. She hadn't passed stool for 10 days....despite us trying just about every laxative we could find on the shelf.
This is our life now. I know I've been posting here for a few years now but....it's frustrating....everytime I feel like I've got a groove in caring for my Mom....she gets worse...and requires more time to care for.
Like seriously how did we go from... walking and eating slowly. To getting her surgery to having a PEG tube placed last month.
After just 1 week in the hospital for the PEG tube...she has never walked since.
And now her constipation is worse. She has graduated from needing daily laxative....to needing it twice.....to needing an enema.
I hate my life sometimes.
I tragically lost my dad when I was 12. 😧😧😢😢
Be grateful for the time you had!
It sounds like it may be time for placement. You can’t go on like this. I would start exploring the options now (which you may have already done or working on). It can be a long and difficult journey to accomplish the task of placement.
I can’t really say I know how you feel but I did walk that road and it was very difficult. It’s been almost a year since my mom passed and I’m just starting to heal from the trauma of the whole situation.
Good luck.
I wouldn't say I am jealous of others but I certainly have often wished I could switch places. I really don't know how much worse everything can get or maybe I do from seeing other residents and that thought is very frightening. I understand your wishes.
What are your options in terms of care for your mother? Is there a facility where she can go?
I had never heard such a statement from anybody. But, then again, I respect your candidness, and you sincerely sharing your feelings.
SORRY, for my harsh statement but could not stay without a reaction: I certainly cannot remember how many times I have stared at a star or a cloud, or stared into a corner of a room, wishing I could see a glimps of them to feel in their presence, or could I dare to imagine one of them to talk to in her bones in a cloth bag hanging on a rusty nail too just be sharing the same room, irrespective of its size - 8 by 10 or 38 by 68, since I was 9...
Addressing the issue of siblings, I have three. None were involved in the care of my Mom. In fact they new nothing of her health issues (cateract surgery, hip surgery), and never inquired. I had my hands full, and to be honest, I did not want any interference. The only time I discussed her situation with them was when she died, and I told them about the arrangements. They came to the funeral, and left right after. They never questioned me, and I was able to close the estate with no problem. I'm not sure what kind of relationship I will have with them going forward.
Every time I read a comment from a fellow caregiver, I realize how lucky I was with my mom. Not until the last few days of her life, when her personality changed dramatically (Another TIA combined with a UTI diagnosis), did she ever complain about how I was taking care of her. Not even when it came to the point where I was cleaning her hind end at least three times a day (always accompanied with a new pull-up), and helping her wash her body (She loved it when I used a warm cloth on her back). I would ask all the time, "Mom, do you mind that I, as your son, are so personal with you? Her response was always, "No."
It was hard to see a once vibrant woman, who was active in her field of business right up until age 85, slowly begin to fade as the years passed. She died in January at age 93, just a day after she was admitted to the hospital. I was able to keep her home home right up until then. I always say I was proud to be with her as she completed the journey to the sunset of her life. Boy, do I miss her.
You stating how you miss your mother makes me think about how I will be in those shoes one day. Even though the load is heavy, I keep taking it day by day, treating her as I would like to be treated. Mom gets the best care in my house, and the doctors continue to credit the care with why she has lived more than twice the years they said she would with her condition.
My hat is off to you!
About bowels and digestion, I think that the fact that she no longer gets up is partially to blame for the constipation and the laxative.
Can you introduce more fibrous foods in her diet? Look on the internet for high fiber. I’ve had a lot of success with beans, lentils, watermelon, cabbage, broccoli, etc. I remember some preparations of apples and carrots, as well as white rice and white bread were to be avoided.
Your Mom’s use of laxatives might be the reason for the constipation also. When you have a wee bit of time, google “are laxatives bad for you”. Have you talked to her doctor about her digestive issues?
I admire you. I can not do what you are doing. It takes quite a bit from me just to brush her teeth.