Dear community, I’m sorry but this will be kind of messy and specific. I’ve been assisting my 83-yr-old hubby (who has dementia) with toileting for a few years now. I’ve been successfully getting him cleaned up with not too much difficulty.
Lately it seems after bowel movements that no matter how much I try to clean him (including showers, bidet and wipes), there is always more material showing on the wipes. Do I need to be striving for 100% no staining? (And why doesn’t water get men’s bottoms clean, anyway?)
In the past week, he has expressed pain when I’m wiping him so I am worried about irritation, a fissure or hemorrhoid, as he has not expressed this discomfort in the past.
If I leave him somewhat dirty, then I worry about irritation or infection getting worse.
Has anyone else experienced the sense that you could wipe all day and never get the area cleaned? Any suggestions for best gentle ways to manage this? I also wonder if the dementia is exacerbating the discomfort he expresses, but I don’t want to ignore it.
Appreciate thoughts as always from this lovely community.
Ann
I'm with Fawnby..... there comes a time when dementia gets to be too much to handle at home. Placing dh may be your best option or you'll be dealing with this and God knows what else for the rest of his life.
Good luck to you
I would mention his sensitivity to wiping to his nurse or doctor and see what they recommend.
I am so sorry that you are struggling with this issue. You sound so loving and patient with your husband. Wishing you and your husband all the best.
I totally respect your decision to care for your husband yourself. I do hope that you have a break from caregiving from time to time.
If caring for your husband becomes too difficult for you, please do not feel as if you have failed him or yourself if you decide to place him in a facility.
There are nurses and others who can advise you about this, but keep in mind that the skin of an elderly person becomes very fragile. Infection is a definite possibility with a skin break, especially in that tender area.
If you think you've got problems now, infection will make it much worse. I hope you'll investigate other options besides home care by you. Professionals are professionals, they have experience, and we home caregivers can't operate on their level.
Best of luck to you and your husband.
Another idea is to buy one of those inexpensive sitz baths that sit over the toilet seat and let him soak a few minutes in an epsom salt solution, it might feel soothing and may also help with the cleaning.
If you're using a bidet, are you letting the water run for several minutes? Have you tried soaping up the area first and then sitting him on the bidet?
Like Grandma1954 suggested, soaking in a warm tub would be the best, if possible, for cleaning.
Have you tried cleaning him while he is in bed, on his side. Lift a butt cheek and check to see if there is a reason for the irritation/pain that he is expressing.
If he has had any bouts of constipation or diarrhea he may be irritated and need a bit of a barrier cream. (If you use one use it sparingly and pat it on do not rub it on. Patting it on will leave a light layer that will be easier to wipe rather than a thick layer that will just be sticky and gummy)
If you can get him into a bath rather than a shower 1 or 2 times a week that also might soak off some of the fecal matter that remains after normal toileting.
Or if he uses a shower chair using a hand held shower wand you might be able to "blast the undercarriage" dislodging any "dingleberries"