How do you accept and remain patient and respectful when one or both parents have alzheimers? Think my dad has it worse cause he is almost 87 years old. It just hurts and very frustrating at the same because he has always been a very sharp, smart man. Now he can barely hear and repeats same questions all the time and loses things. He has also fallen twice in the past month and now has to have a walker to walk. Now my mom is in a SNF from atrial fib, pneumonia and is still bedridden, can't stand up, has a colostomy and is incontinent. So, with Mom being sick and Dad, too, he is having a hard time handling all of this. I feel like sort of a sounding board sometimes and most of the time it does not bother me, but lately it is really bringing me down and don't want to be a b*@#h. To top all this off, have a tumor in my hand, possible carpal tunnel and rheumatoid arthritis and hurts all the time. My doctors are not very understanding or just don't care because the pain meds are useless. So, would be very grateful for any suggestions as am very moody, such as wanna cry, kinda mad and getting burned out from not getting a break. No income or transportation (except for Dad) and this is becoming a problem because he has been so sick lately making it hard for him to drive. He should not have to, but I cannot afford the insurance and fees it would cost for me to drive and he does not like anyone else driving. He is still able to drive pretty good, but gets tired easily. Just having a hard time handling all of this and my so called "friends" have all disappeared cuz I am broke and they are clueless and/or don't care.
Thank goodness.
One idea that came to mind as I read your post. It might help to give yourself a break periodically. If you take 20 minutes each day and get outside that could be a big help. I don't know much about rheumatoid arthritis or your situation. In general, exercise or stretching is recommended. Can you take a walk? That might be a simple way to support yourself.
Re your dad's moods, could you speak to his doctor? Perhaps he is depressed too, with your mum's illness and his own, and some meds would help him to cope better.
I do think you need to look at the long term for yourself. You are pretty young, and have many years of life ahead of you.
You have had some questions and advice about the lump. Please keep looking for help for that, as pain is depressing too. Good luck and come back and let us know who you are doing ((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))) Joan
My first question is if you have your driver's license. If you do, then talk to your father about paying the fees and insurance so you can drive his car. You can't afford not to drive. Soon he will be needing you to drive for him. And more importantly, you need to drive for yourself. The field you have chosen is one that will be hard to make a living from home. I had a couple of friends who tried it. Working from home is not for everyone. The best benefit of getting a job outside the home is that it will put energy and hope back into you. We caregivers need that.
Do you have the POAs (durable and medical) for your parents? If your father's mind is getting less sharp, it may be a good time to get the advanced directives in order for both your mother and father. They may need to have someone make decisions for them soon, so it would be nice to get them ready to activate if needed.
I wish you had someone to talk to who would lift your spirits. Caregiving can be terrible on the self esteem. Sometimes I try to imagine that I am a 60-year-old Cinderella, scrubbing floors and listening to abusive talk. It helps me deal with the day to day of caregiving. One thing that may help is to realize that your father is hurting for your mother and is probably also concerned about you. I would listen to him with sympathy and try to help him feel better. It may also make you feel better. Then I would take care of the driving needs and get out there on the road. You need to drive. Your father needs you to drive. After all the work you've done taking care of your parents, you deserve to drive to get your life back in order. So just make it happen. The expenses are not that great.
Please tell us a bit more about the tumor in your hand. Is it a nodule? Or maybe a cyst? Sometimes a lump is no big worry. Have you seen a doctor about it? Please let us know what is going on with you. It sounds like you need to do some major caregiving of yourself. There is such a shortage of cgs for cgs.