Hi, I am the main caregiver for my stepdad I just hired a caregiver and stepdad said he doesn't want them that he can take care of himself. I mentioned it to the stepbrothers and they said still take your weekends off we will just see how it goes? I am worried for my stepdad being alone, I feel if anything happens I will be held responsible. But I need my weekends off!
Time for some therapeutic fibbing:
1. I'm assuming you don't spend all day long every weekday with him; take some time off (few hours or so), and when you return tell him you saw a doctor who's concerned about your health and advised you that you could have some serious complications if you don't have time off. Don't give him any more details.
Put on you best worried countenance, perhaps shed a tear or so, and let him know you're scared.
2. If he resists, you may have to be forthright and add that your doctor advised you to take time off or you won't be able to continue caring for him. Let that sink in, then ask who he would like to take care of him if/when you become too ill. Don't give him a chance to respond; leave the room or the house b/c otherwise he's likely to accuse you of not being devoted, or make some other nasty accusations.
3. Address your stepsister's anticipated meddling up front. Text or e-mail her (and keep copies for documentation purposes) advising that you need to have free time for yourself and ask her what her plans are to come and spend the weekend with your step-dad. Put her on the spot - if she reported you to APS, you have the right to be pro-active and defend yourself.
4. Text or e-mail your step-brothers as well, not to lay the groundwork for retaliation as step-sister might, but because they seem to be legitimately concerned and realistic.
5. I would also contact the local police and ask about doing a wellness check; if they can't, ask APS if they can send someone. And document the calls.
To be concerned about being held responsible is laudable, but you CANNOT be responsible for someone who will not cooperate with you. Stepdad has to shoulder the blame for this.
You might even pre-empt step-sister's manipulation and contact APS yourself and ask what kind of support they can provide (they won't, but ask anyway) since you need relief and stepfather refuses to accept caregivers.
6. You have a right not to be held hostage, but it will be hard on you to assert that right b/c stepfather will challenge if not intimidate you, and stepsister is lurking in the wings to report you. But you can't let them ruin your life.
7. Stepsister actually has no right to demand that you be in attendance 24-7. Not only is it unreasonable, but unless she herself is paying you, she doesn't have legal standing to tell you what you and can't do. She's a real bully, it seems.
If you're as distressed as I think you are, you might even have to really go to a doctor, to urgent care, or to the ER if you become too stressed out.
Good luck. I can tell from your post that it isn't going to be easy to stand up to the dominating people.
Are you still providing care for your mother too? I saw that on your profile. I didn't see any update with information about her. If she is sick, she may not be able to help with his care either.
And yet, you should not be "on house arrest" 24 x 7 x 365, so the need for him to let a caregiver in should trump his desires and misjudgements. (I also understand from past posts he is considered incompetent.) It sounds like you have to arrange for the caregiver and let them in, advise them that he is considered incompetent so he does not have the legal right to throw them out.
And not to be mean, but it sounds like stepbrother has his head in the sand.
Will the stepbrothers at least check on him, if they do not stay full time, maybe alternating weekends? How bad is his judgement and how safe can you make the home for him?