Hi - I couldn't get this to post the first time. Question for anyone - my father died 4 months ago, we received the will this past week. I have had an attorney review it. My father left the 3 of us nothing, and we're rather confused as to why. Particularly me. His second wife inherited all. The weird thing is, my estranged brother was made the 2nd executor, not me - right here, close to my dad, and a paralegal....he received some personal items, the two daughters nothing. The other questionable thing is she dragged him in to do a will at 80.5 yrs old, nearly 3 years after he was diagnosed with dementia. The attorney says I can contest the will, but of course that will cost more than all of us have. Any thoughts? Thank you much.
My dad is going to leave everything to my step mom. He had significantly more in assets than she did when they married 14 years ago, but she is his WIFE. We expect them to leave everything to each other. It does not mean that my dad or my stepmom have bad relationships with their kids. It is just the fact that the marital partner is the primary sharer of the assets.
Then the last one to go (assuming anything is left from MERP) will be split between my dad's three kids and my stepmom's three kids. This makes sense to me - spouse first, children second for leaving the assets.
How is your stepmom going to leave things?
The next clause in my mom and stepdad's will was that, upon the remaining spouse's death, all surviving adult children -- stepdad's kids and I -- split the assets equally.
Is it fair? Yes and no. My mom came into that marriage with nothing; all of the assets were my stepdad's. And I'm nauseatingly familiar with the assumptions that go along with that.
My mom was so chagrined by the disparity, that she spent as little as possible after she was widowed. Would not make any changes to investment funds. No withdrawals aside from her annual RMD. Would not sell the investment properties that stepdad touted as his "legacy" for decades before my mom entered his life. Would not make upgrades or repairs to her primary home.
As a widow, my mom began every month by making a hefty contribution to my stepfamily's church, paying utilities and buying groceries. Then she sat on her hands til the next SS check came.
Mom's dead now, too. We "kids" are slogging our way through probate. It's slow. Nobody's fault. Just how it is.
Mom was fixated on preserving her hubby's kids' inheritance. Therefore, refused to invest in her own ailing health. No doctors, no PT, no assistive devices. Refused to install grab bars...or a stair lift...or main-level laundry. Refused to pay for in-home help with housekeeping and ADLs. Refused to consider a CCRC or IL or AL. Refused to assign POA to anyone in her bloodline.
Mom knew all about the high cost of professional care and private pay. She also knew all about the Medicaid look-back period and estate recovery.
So Mom's response was turbo-level self-neglect. Her big quest to "not spend their inheritance" (and dementia creeping in) jeopardized her safety and shortened her life. I'll spare you the details, but mom's death was somewhat undignified. And definitely linked to her decisions and non-decisions.
But now no one can accuse her of being a gold-digger. No one can say "she spent all his money and his kids got nothing." That was a huge priority for Mom.
Are you wondering where my peace of mind and my sanity fit into all this? So am I.
People have a right to leave whatever they'd like to whomever they'd like. It causes problems in families when inheritances are "expected" ( and I personally don't think that anyone should ever EXPECT an inheritance!) My mother is so flighty, she has "promised away" the same piece of furniture to 3 different people. All 3 want it, too, so that's going to be something, when the time comes.
My sweet grandmother made a "holistic will" in that she gave certain items to certain people, asked that the sale of her modest home be split among her 3 children and asked the remaining family, in honor of her, NOT TO FIGHT over anything.
I got a cake pan from her house that reminds me of her. Best of all, I was NAMED for her.
The distribution of money after a death seems to bring the worst out in people. It's sad. Can you just let your step mom have it all and be OK with it?
It is very common for one spouse to leave the whole estate to the other spouse, even a step-parent, especially if they had been married for many years.
As for your Dad making out a updated Will, again, which is very common because State laws do change. If this Will was drawn through an Attorney's office, then it was up to the Attorney to decide if your Dad was able to understand what he was signing. Apparently he was.
Also it is not uncommon for the sons to receive items from the estate, it an old stereotype that the sons have families to take care of, where the daughters have or will have husbands to take care of them. It's an old fashion way of thinking.
That is why it is better to think one will not inherit anything, and then be surprised if you do.
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