The last few months she has had one problem after the other. I know I'm not responsible for solving all her problems. But ........ It's just so depressing to hear one problem after the other from her. She makes some of her problems more difficult because of her relationship with my brother. Allowing him to determine what she buys and spends. Letting him rule her life. She is in her right mind and has been allowing my brother to rule her life since he was a young teen. He is now 52 years old and lives with her.
Barbara
You ask how you can avoid depression. If you are at a point where you are clinically depressed (rather than just feeling bad a lot) then I urge you to seek professional help with that. The traditional therapies are medications, exercise, and talking to a counselor. Typically they work best together. Often starting with an antidepressant helps prepare you for counseling and allows you the initiative to start walking or doing other exercise.
We are all advising you to change your behavior -- to react differently to the things that are causing you stress. But if you are clinically depressed, that can be very hard to do, even if you agree you should do it. I hope you will seek treatment for depression.
You're going to go around once. Stop wasting time obsessing about things you can't change.
You raised the issue with your brother, homeowners insurance and your mother's acquiescence to your brother's domination of your mother, and added that these problems are decades old. It doesn't appear as though they're going to change.
As to what you can do, ask yourself these questions:
1. Have you been able to effectuate any changes?
2. Have you been able to solve any of the problems of which your mother complains?
3. Do you see any way of affecting the long standing family dynamics?
4. Is there anything else you can do that might be effective?
5. Is this affecting your health?
If the answers to questions 1 through 4 are no, and the answer to 5 is yes, then it's time to accept that the situation is out of your control. You can't change it; worrying about it isn't going to solve anything but could make you more ill. The choice of your screen name says it all.
Your mother's negativity is only dragging you down. You're the only who can affect your reaction. Time to accept the situation and move on,
NOW!! If mom wants to discuss SOLUTIONS with you? Then you're all in.
Sometimes we have to have a cold heart to make people understand that their problems are solvable, but they need to, you know, actually do something different. ;)