Mid July my dads hospice nurse called to tell me his end was near. He’d had a bad fall and had basically given up. So I can up from Florida to Michigan, getting leave from work. I left my husband and 15 year old daughter back home so dad could spend his last days in his childhood home.
He got quite a bit better with me making sure he got his meds and cooking for him. It’s been 7 weeks and he is still hanging in there. He has had days when I braced myself, thinking this was going to be the day. I wake up the next day and he seems to have recovered quite a bit. I have 3 weeks left of sick leave.
He is still mostly lucid though he can barely get out of bed. He doesn’t want anyone else to take care of him and would rather die then to to AL. His hospice nurses are awesome, but can’t understand how he is still alive. He is on the max for morphine and Adivan. He can’t use the bathroom by himself. He is still eating, though very little, and at 5’3” he weighs less than 60 lbs. He started snoring 2 weeks ago as well as reaching for things that aren’t there and picking at his blankets and nasal cannula.
My daughter is really struggling with me gone. I notice people come over less and less and there will be days at I time where I don’t see anyone but his nurse. I am feeling isolated, bored (he sleeps about 20 hours a day) and I don’t know how much longer I can do this either. But if I leave he will give up again. Our relationship is complicated. He can be very difficult (4 failed marriages and the women were honestly wonderful and NOT the problem) and has always been needy with a victim mentality.
I really just needed to vent and this community seemed like the place. I have read so many of y’all’s posts and there is no other place online like this.
He has already made funeral/burial decisions and paid for everything. His estate planning is done and I am his POA as well as the person to make decisions in the event he can’t, I can’t remember what that’s called. I took his dog to my home. There is no unfinished business left. I made sure it was all done because I am better at coping when in motion or when I know what to expect or what needs to be done.
Sounds like your Dad is not familiar with current Assistant Living/Nursing Home facilities. They are built like hotels, no longer that dreaded asylum of half century ago. Some areas even have hospice facilities where one can living during this moment in time.
Your Dad must be so scared right now. That makes it even more difficult to choose what is best.
You can either stay until your leave runs out or make arrangements to move him to a hospice facility.
Your daughter and husband need you to.
You can't live with him indefinitely so he keeps living. It's just not reasonable.
There is one poster on here whose husband lived 22 months on in home hospice. It is amazing how long the human body can keep going.