my mother was my father's primary caregiver (with our help, me and another sibling), he has parkinsons and alzheimers, she's much younger than him and suffered a traumatic brain injury after falling in the hospital, after a long and painful road, she was able to come home with extensive needs but had a setback (seizure) and has been in the hospital/another surgery/subacute since then, throughout this ordeal i gave birth to twins, every morning i wake up hoping it's just a nightmare and feel sick when i realize this is the reality of things, we (me and 5 siblings/lots of drama by the way) are leaning towards placing them both in the same long term facility (skilled nursing), he asks for her everyday/looks for her, at one point he knew she was in the hospital but luckily he forgets, i guess that's a good thing, when his health started declining several years ago she was adamant about keeping him home at all costs, and now she's in worst condition than him, it's really sickening, so i'm struggling with the plan of placing him not only because of her wishes but also because i always heard that alzheimers/older patients don't do well with change.....although they'll be together, she is not alert enough to interact with him but i hope they will realize that they are together, just really struggling with all of this, i have seen his steady decline over the years so it's been easier to accept but hers was sudden and tragic at a time of my life where i was supposed to be so happy with the blessing of 2 babies, as i mentioned before there's significant drama amongst the siblings as you can imagine, this has made things much more difficult, any input/guidance would be wonderful....
My heart goes out to you about both of your parents. The whole situation is tragic beyond belief.
My dad suffered "instant dementia" after a brain surgery, so I do know the horror of such a sudden change in an otherwise healthy parent. The fact that your mother is now unable to enjoy your twins and help you is beyond sad, making your whole situation so much worse.
Please realize that no one could have known that this would happen. I believe that your parents would be best off together in a long-term care facility. They will be safe and cared for and you can visit when you can.
As a mother myself, and a caregiver to multiple elders, I can assure you that your mother would never have wanted you to have to cope with this. The fact that she can't help you is crushing enough. She would not want to add to your struggle. Even if sometimes elders get clingy when they are ill, most actually would not choose to take over their adult children's lives. Believe me, she and your dad, in their hearts, would want you to find joy in your babies and not be completely tied to them through their illnesses.
It's very sad that your siblings are keeping things in "high drama" rather than helping you and your shared parents. Since that is the case, you'll have to try to detach from their behavior and do what is right.
Please look into long-term care for your parents. You can keep tabs on them, but your children need you now.
Keep checking back with us when you can. There is a lot of combined wisdom in this community. Our hearts are with you.
Carol
You are caring and loving and also deserve a life raising and enjoying your children. Now you can be a great mom AND a great daughter able to spend quality time with mom and dad without the stress of day to day caregiving and worry over their managing.
Congrats on the twins. Bring twins to visit mom and dad when you can and take lots of pictures of them with their grandparents so they'll have some memories.
God bless you all.
Christ Jesus." By praying to God about our situations and asking for his help by his holy spirit, he will help us to be able to be stronger than we ever thought possible in our current situations.
Take care of yourself and those babies. One day at a time, and sometimes, it's one minute at a time. There is no shame in it.