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Hello friends. I'm 67, my spouse is 10 years older. He's diabetic, and disabled and uses a walker around the house. His short term memory is hit and miss, and he's lost interest in things like managing bills, or even checking his own bank account. I've been handling all of that for the past 3 years, as well as taking care of him. He can do things like get in a tub, but I have to dress him, and clean up after accidents which happens once in a while.

My friends/family are concerned that I don't get out much any more. The thing is, I've always been more of stay at home person, so it doesn't bother me. When we were young, he did a lot for me, and now I have no regrets taking care of him. I know things will eventually get tougher. I'm so confused about all the legal issues. My main concern is, him having to be in a nursing home (in the future), and us getting financially wiped out.

We are both retired, and on Medicare. I have a basic understanding of the Medicaid 5 year look back situation, but I'm wondering with him being 77 and diabetic (with his meds it's under control), how can we pull this off at this point? Suppose something happens very soon where he has to be in a nursing home or we need at home care? He gets a teacher's pension and of course, SS. I only get SS and some side money from custom projects. Our combined savings right now including his IRA is about 110,000. My SS payments go directly to our savings account each month.
I'm in the process of looking for an affordable eldercare attorney (I know that's an oxymoron), because I'm beginning to lose sleep over this.. My big fear is being left with nothing if suddenly, things turn for the worse. We own a coop worth about a mil which I don't want to lose. Any suggestions? I feel like I don't even know if I'm asking the right questions. Thank you so much.

I'm in 100% agreement that consulting with an Elder Care attorney in your state is the solution. They specialize in exactly the situation you find yourself in currently. Bite the bullet, it's going to cost a lot of money - but SO worth it.

Also want to advise not to do anything on your own until you see the attorney - do not decide to pursue at this point on your own "medical divorce", selling your home, applying to Medicaid, etc etc. Wait until your attorney advises what to do - and let him do the heavy lifting to accomplish whatever he advises.

Don't worry - it's going to work out with the help of an Elder Care Attorney.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to LostinPlace
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Hera, is he a member of the UFT? The free legal plan I spoke is a UFT benefit.
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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Robert525. Thank you. You mention it took about 4 months. Was that 4 months of back and forth paperwork, or did everything get submitted within say, the first few weeks and then it was just a matter of waiting the months for the approval?
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Reply to Heravon
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Robert525 Oct 19, 2024
Two to three months of paperwork getting the POA, wills and adjusting assets. It then took approximately four to six weeks for the Medicaid approval after the attorney submitted the paperwork to the state.
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Thank you all so much for your time to reply. I want to thank everyone individually, but didn't want to flood the thread. I'm going to look through the list of providers and start from there. Thanks, again.
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Reply to Heravon
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Find an elder law attorney. I did that, and it eased my mind in many ways. Every situation may be unique. But get some information from an attorney well-versed in the Medicaid laws.
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Reply to JR2555
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Hera, if your DH was in a Union, check if there is a legal plan you can access.


Through my union, we were able to get wills and POAs done for free and a discount on Elder Law fees
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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Heravon, you are doing the right thing looking for an Elder Law Attorney, and planning ahead. Such an Attorney knows the ins and out of Medicaid and its journey. Well worth the cost.


You will know by your gut feeling if that Elder Law Attorney is the right person. Scroll to the bottom of this page.... you will see "Elder Law Attorneys", click on that.... type in your City/State. That is how I found my Elder Law Attorney :)
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Reply to freqflyer
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You are correct.
You need an elder law attorney now to help you with division of assets and protection of assets for yourself.
While you can care for him, you, as his wife make the decisions; no one else.
He is still OK I think to give POA with an elder law attorney writing that document for him; tell him it is so you can continue to pay all the bills and handle things for him. The attorney will examine him for ability to give appoint you his POA.
The attorney can help you with your questions.
Best to you.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Robert525 Oct 19, 2024
Absolutely get a POA completed if it doesn’t currently exist.
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A good elder law attorney can help you navigate the Medicaid process and help insure you are able to support yourself and care for your husband. I went through this approximately 4 years ago when my wife’s health deteriorated. I asked around for information about elder law attorneys in my area and scheduled a free initial consult. I gathered together information on all our assets and income and at the consult the attorney was able to explain what the Medicaid process involved, what my most likely outcome was and the cost for the whole process. The whole process for Medicaid approval took approximately 4 months and I am very happy with the results.
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