Balancing those needs? Chronic pain & health conditions myself but also taking care of my mom- We even go to the same arthritis doctor. Yet every time she is in crisis I have to drop everything and tend to her needs, never mind my own. Sometimes things slide on her end, sometimes its my health that suffers, but its not a good combination all around. I know others are in the same boat out there but haven't been able to find any kind of support that addresses these issues. Everything seems to assume the caregiver is comparatively able-bodied. (including those agencies responsible for assessing the elder's needs, unfortunately- they count me as more of a resource than I really can be)
freqflyer has good suggestions for getting to meet people in your facility. I call or email friends, and stay connected with social media. I have also found that our local library has a home delivery service for homebound people. The librarian assiatant will not only exchange books, but stay awhile and discuss them!
Does the Assisted Living facility have activities that you can join, if you feel you can either bring hubby along [he doesn't need to join in unless he feels he would like to] or if he will be safe staying by himself in your apartment. Having friends is the best medicine, even if you only get a chance to talk for a few minutes each day.
Your city or township may also have some chore service assistance similar to that offered through your Senior Service, or perhaps they're from the same source. HUD does offer grants through municipalities, but I believe they're only for emergency repairs.
There's also Habitat for Humanity and Christmas in Action for chore services.
Keep us posted with solutions you find, as with parents living longer, more of us young seniors will be fac
And you're right that there's an automatic assumption the caregiver is not only able-bodied, but can compete with and win over the Energizer Bunny. They don't seem to recognize that burn-out can occur very early with caregiving.
You could check with local hospitals to see if they have caregiver support groups. The Area Agency on Aging can be a good resource. I haven't called United Way's 211 helpline but that's also a possibility.
I've heard but not verified that some hospice facilities have respite time available for caregivers by taking patients for a day or so, but I assume that the elder person needs to be hospice qualified.
Set a limit on follow-up health care - those appointments that are 3 or 6 month checkups. Some can be slid to the next month. I did this when I realized I was taking Dad to sometimes up to 8 appointments a month, none for me. Now my maximum is 4, leaving room for emergencies and still downtime for us both.
Another aspect is to reprioritize; that's what I've had to do although I still end up in crunches. Create a list of priorities and hierarchies - the most important, next important and lowest in importance. When the high priorities events occur, just decide that the lower priorities aren't going to get done for awhile.
Better yet, set aside some relaxation time for both of your. Do dishes or cleaning some other time - a day or so isn't going to make that much of a difference.
Instead, do something you both enjoy...get a Dairy Queen, or ice cream cone at a nice cool dairy with that fresh aroma dairies typically have (unless either of you are diabetic). Go shopping at a favorite store and let your mother drive an Amigo cart. It's amazing how much better someone can feel just selecting her own groceries.
Go to a dog park and watch the dogs romp and frolic. If there's a pond or lake accessible just by car parking, watch the waves...watch the swimmers, boats, and if you're lucky you'll see some ducks or geese.
Sit outside in the shade and watch the clouds go by. It's very relaxing and soothing.
Just the feeling of getting out and not going to medical places will be good for both of you.
And set aside some respite time daily, even if it's only a 1/2 hour to indulge in doing something for you. The relaxation is amazing and will help to restore you.
I find it's like dealing with a child and I don't like being the adult in the relationship. I'm not dealing well with the whole situation. I get "curt" because I lack patience. Most of the time the "curtness" goes over Mom's head but every so often she is with it and gets mad. I don't blame her. Her fall last week was because she wasn't paying attention. I understand that she can only focus on one thing at a time, this time being getting to the walker. But, my husband was trying to ease her away from a situation and she wouldn't budge and she fell doing a number to her leg. One more thing to worry about but TG i have a wound care nurse for a daughter. When she gets behind that walker, she just goes and doesn't look for obstacles. The other day, DH asked her to move a little further up so he could get the car door open. When she was far enough away he said "OK" but she just kept going. I told her "Mom stop, Den said OK". She gave me that "look".
Maybe someone else telling them that you can't help like you used to. Good Luck is all I can say.
It's hard to find support groups [if that is what you are looking for] because most caregivers, be them on-hands 24/7 or logistic caregivers, we just don't have the time to drive somewhere to be with a group. These forums here on Aging Care have been the best resource, as you can come into the forums any time and say anything you want :)
My parents refuse strangers coming into the house, so I just let it be, they have to fend for themselves, sorry I can't do anything about that.... I do order their groceries on-line and they can opt for home delivery, so it's not like they can't eat.
I am hoping my physical injury will be a wake up call, but it hasn't.... my parents are making a list of all the doctor appointments they need to go once I can start driving again.... oh great, can't wait :P