How do I take Power of Attorney away from my brother?
My mother has had dementia for at least 10 yrs but denies it profusely. It’s getting really bad. My oldest brother who had poa died. My younger brother was listed as second. He has never had a job, lived off her his whole life, has emptied her accounts and even got properties in his name from her. He sits around high all day. 3 yrs ago my mother was alone in his house, ate a laced muffin and ended up in the hospital. He steals all the groceries I take over, all the cash I give her, etc. I ask for financial records so that I can arrange for her care in the years to come but he refuses to produce documents. I want to take poa away from him but still retain a relationship. He is all I have left in family. My mother thinks he walks on water and defends his every move. Our father died when he was 12 and he has had diabetes for 25 yrs so she overcompensates and has handed/supported him his whole life voluntarily, even before she had dementia. He has the attitude that he is entitled because of dad and the diabetes. She will never voluntarily change the poa. Can I do this without mother knowing? Her friendship is my greatest blessing and I cannot live with her mad at me. She would be LIVID if I went against the golden child. A doctor did mark in her charts several yrs ago with the dementia diagnosis. Not sure if before/after poa set up. HELP PLEASE
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You didn't describe the arrangement very well. Does your mother live alone? If your brother is her 24/7 live-in caregiver/companion, and she REQUIRES that, then criticizing him for not working NOW (not the past) isn't fair.
And the Reefer Madness post is just over the top. Don't people understand that we had Prohibition with alcohol and during that period you could brand people as garbage for drinking too, but once the law changed, now they are "normal"? And what about the millions of people right now who can't make it through their day without legal prescription antidepressants? Obviously one choice is approved by the highly profitable AMA and drug companies, and the other isn't, but to a cultural anthropologist (ie, a scientist trying to get at the "truth" of human behavior) the distinction in coping mechanisms might be minimal.
Of course, if your brother is in fact the 24/7 caregiver, then he should NOT be getting high. That is irresponsible.
Regardless of that, to secretly get at the POA without her knowledge is wrong. You would be a crook, so don't even think about it. You have to find a legal solution as others have suggested. But you need to do what is truly in your mother's best interest.
TAlk with elder/aging agencies for advice--they often have free lawyers to point you in a better direction.
IT may NOT be hopeless to change.
If it can be demonstrated that your brother is not acting in your Mom's best interests, there is a case to get it changed to someone else.
IF there are stipulations in the POA that actively prevent your being the POA, you can otherwise request the judge change it to a third party POA-[someone who is not family, that is paid to be POA].
Social Workers, Agencies on Aging, Elder Lawyers, can all provide better more specific advice to you.
It CAN be done.
It might not be you, but appointing a 3rd party POA is better than the dysfunctional person currently in charge!
IF anyone tells you it cannot be done, run, don't walk, to someone else for advice!
The POA is a serious legal document as donated by the giver. No one can take it away except the donor, and it ceases with her death.
My suggestion is that you go around him in caring for this patient, and do what you can to sustain her.
Good luck