Hello! First time here! She does it begrudgingly, but does it when I push. I help her to the bathroom morning and night and make sure she’s used a bidet toilet seat both those times. She wears Depends day and night and I help her change that before bed and in the morning. I pretty much get her meals. She has memory loss and I have to make sure she brushes her teeth and cleans her dentures each night.
As far as bathing, at Moms NH and every NH I interviewed, the standard shower routine was once per week plus morning cleanups at the sink. This was fine with me because she too wasn’t a fan of showering (didn’t want to be cold etc). Even the AL places I toured 1 per week was standard, but more could be requested. Are you actually bathing her, or showering? Is it easy for her to step into the shower or tub? If she’s generally compliant with her other care, I would just council you to pick your battles as long as she’s getting one or 2 a week.
be better. I wa starting to give her some independence on that matter during the day . I felt like I was telling her to do so much I didn’t want to overwhelm her. And go to the bathroom with her every time she went. But if I need to I will.
the shower we have is only room for one person. She has to have help to shower so we are using the shower in the tub. Does that make sense? She sits on the seat and we use the detachable shower head to get her wet and rinse her off. She holds it sometimes to keep herself warm during her shower . I’m getting faster at showering her and that’s a good thing. I turn in a small heater in the bathroom and it’s warm when we start. I definitely pick my battles. Our relationship is worth a lot to me and I want her to feel loved and cared for emotionally as well as physically. I may have to wash her hair another time a week without a shower, but that’s doable.
You are very kind to care for your mother in law. She sounds sweet. I am married for a long time too, 41 years. My mother in law was good to me like yours was to you. Unfortunately, she died many years ago with non Hodgkin’s lymphoma.
Your profile says your mother in law has macular degeneration with vision issues. My godmother had macular degeneration and went blind from it. It is frightening to have lower vision or to go blind.
Do you have a chair in the shower for her to sit on? That helps.
It’s hard to get people to eat. I don’t have a big appetite myself. Some people do better eating several small meals rather than one big meal.
I am glad that you have a support system. The other thing you can do is call Council on Aging in your area. They do an assessment and then send someone out a couple of times a month in four hour shifts. It’s free. They will tidy up her room, prepare light meals, bathe her, sit with her for you to run errands.
Bathing once or twice a week is fine. Some elderly people have very dry skin and don’t like bathing more than once a week.
I think I will give her more smaller meals
a day. I have been doing that more today and she seems to be eating more.
we have a in home camera that is on all the time and when we are gone, for a few hours at a time we can see her and check to make sure everything is okay. My husband works near and is in and out of the house everyday. I can usually go and leave her here because he’ll be in to check on her.
I also have other family members that can help when we need it. So that helps.
and most importantly, no arguments over bathing. Best of luck on this journey. You’ve got plenty of company and will get some great advice on this forum.
the bidet helps with cleaning. I could probably make sure that gets done a few times a day. I did give her smaller “meal treats” today, so that will help with nutrition.
Your profile mentions nutrition and I personally believe that we should feed our loved ones whatever they will eat. You can make sure that she is getting the nutrients by giving her ensure or making smoothies with added fresh fruits and vegetables. Whatever she enjoys and works for you. I love whole food smoothies and even my dad who acts like you are trying to poison him with fresh foods loved them. They provide fiber that ensure doesn't and you have more control over sugars.
You are blessed that you are caring for someone that is compliant and good natured. She is blessed to have you to take care of her. Well done.