My dad has been in a facility since March 2018. My family wanted to arrange an anniversary lunch for my dad who has been married 64 years. This would mean we would have to take him out of his facility and bring him to a family owned restaurant with his children and grandchildren. I have noticed that dad's behaviors yesterday were he was roaming in other patient's beds and seemed more agitated. I am not sure if we should go ahead with this lunch but just wanted some feedback from others. He has not been in public since he has been placed.
You never know how he might react and it could be problematic. He could get agitated and out of control. Or, what if he refuses to get into the car to go back? How would you handle that? I'd also keep in mind that when he does return, he may be disoriented and scared. It might take awhile to get him acclimated again. I'd take that info consideration. Those things have happened with with my LO.
My mom had dementia and was in a nursing home. My son was out of state at that time and wanted us to come visit for Thanksgiving. I arranged for one of her friends, who had invited her, to pick her up and bring her to her family's celebration, which she did more than willingly. However, sitting amongst all the noise, in a strange place with lots going on, she became very anxious. I got a call on Friday that she’d been complaining of chest pains and they’d 911-ed her to the ER. Thankfully, it was just an anxiety attack.
Truth be told, in most cases, celebrations mean more to us than to the person with dementia. They often have no idea of holidays and even their own birthday. After the incident with my mom, we made sure we attended just the small dinner the home had for residents and their families and didn’t bring her out again. Even that stressed her out.
If you want to celebrate with him, bring some food Dad likes to his room, or go to the common room in the facility. Keep the crowd down. Then, if you still feel like celebrating, go by yourselves to a restaurant.
It would not be much of a celebration for anybody if it all went horribly wrong.
Wouldn't it be safer and more careful of your father's dignity if you were to ask the facility to put aside a room (or section off part of the dining room) for the celebration and get caterers in? If the restaurant is one where your father has been going for years, perhaps they might like to help with this special occasion?
Then the family and friends could join him, and if he isn't coping well he can retreat to his room, no harm done.
From then on we brought all the celebratory dinners into the nice small dining room in her building. It was so much easier on everyone. There’s probably a nice room in his facility that would be much easier for him to handle. And it would get family members who don’t regularly visit him aquatinted with his facility, and his new cognitive state, in his own surroundings. Possibly these “family members” who think a restaurant is a good idea, have no idea regarding his current behaviors.