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Mostly Independent
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She gets fixated on thoughts and will not let go of them, we are worried that telling her about my brother will on aggravate her constantly. Any advice?
This is a hard one... depends on what your brother was admitted for... if it's minor, and he will get to go home eventually, then my choice would be no, don't tell her... it will cause her undo anxiety...
If it is life threatening, and you do not expect him to recover... I would at least take her to visit... depending how far advanced her dementia is... if she will not remember, then again... my answer would be no...
We are thinking with the brain that is not diseased... of course we would want our mom to go see him.... but if it is going to cause her more upset in the long run, I would have to pass on putting her thru that....
I do not envy the situation you are in.... sending you hugs and prayers to find the answer that is most loving for your mom..
Unless your brother is normally a frequent visitor, to the extent of being part of your mother's everyday environment, and you therefore need to explain why he hasn't been to see her, I wouldn't tell her that he's in hospital. If, God willing, he is likely to leave hospital soon, there shouldn't be any need to tell her at all. What possible good would it do?
If she is asking for him, what you tell her will depend on how advanced her dementia is. Be prepared to have the conversation continually, indefinitely.
The only other scenario in which I can imagine its later being necessary to tell her is in the event that your brother is gravely ill and wishes to see her; in which case you would need to weigh his wishes against your mother's emotional welfare. Even then I'd give her welfare priority.
I hope it's appropriate to offer my best wishes to your brother for a full and speedy return to health.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If it is life threatening, and you do not expect him to recover... I would at least take her to visit... depending how far advanced her dementia is... if she will not remember, then again... my answer would be no...
We are thinking with the brain that is not diseased... of course we would want our mom to go see him.... but if it is going to cause her more upset in the long run, I would have to pass on putting her thru that....
I do not envy the situation you are in.... sending you hugs and prayers to find the answer that is most loving for your mom..
If she is asking for him, what you tell her will depend on how advanced her dementia is. Be prepared to have the conversation continually, indefinitely.
The only other scenario in which I can imagine its later being necessary to tell her is in the event that your brother is gravely ill and wishes to see her; in which case you would need to weigh his wishes against your mother's emotional welfare. Even then I'd give her welfare priority.
I hope it's appropriate to offer my best wishes to your brother for a full and speedy return to health.