After her stroke in 2010, Mom lived with my sister for a while, and then my husband and I moved from VA to FL, changing jobs, so she could move in with us. It's been rough. Mom had a stroke and her tendency to let others do things for her has only intensified. She has some vision problems. She has only her Soc Security. If she'd had her own house, she could have stayed there, even with her issues, but it was foreclosed.
We have reached the end of our rope and need to find an alternative. She has a friend who has asked her to live with him. Or a family member might have a condo she can stay in rent free (but she would need to be on food stamps, etc.). How do I tell Mom she needs to move out? I'll help with arrangements. I have probably carried her all this time, doing way more for her than was necessary. It is probably why we are burned out. We don't feel comfortable living in our own tiny home. We have to have serious discussions outside or away from home.
I don't feel guilt about making this decision. But I don't know how to tell Mom without us sounding to her like selfish monsters.
A couple of weeks ago she swore that she'd dropped her tv remote. Staff tore her room apart looking for it but it was nowhere to be found. The next day she had it back from nowhere ... I swear she hid it just for the fun of seeing the "servants" run. You don't know this woman like I do - she's been an evil, manipulative narcissist life long.
I wish I knew what you could do or say. I have a similar situation coming to the boil, in that after six months of discussion mother last night cottoned on to the fact that when we sell our house and move my partner will not be coming with us. She has now spent 24 hours intermittently blaming herself for this and looking both mournful and guilty. It is incredibly annoying and absolute bollocks: my partner has not said one word to her that would allow her to believe herself responsible (and obviously neither have I). It is also, actually, an oral fixation - but try getting basic Freudian theory into my mother's head.
I hope your mother will care enough about you to look beyond her own immediate circumstances and see that you need to make better, more practical arrangements for her to be looked after. If she does manage that (no small thing for an elderly lady, given that anxiety about what will happen to her is only natural) then cheer loudly and praise her to the skies. If she can't, and she goes all emotional blackmail-y on you, then it'll be a bit grim but you'll make it. All will be well. Just tell the truth and shame the devil.
We will find out how much Mom can really do now. Please let this work. There is no where else for her that I know of. She doesn't like her male friend enough to live with him. She feels she has no control of her life. Maybe at AL she will feel more in control.