I’ve been married to a very controlling, bad tempered, abusive man for 42 years. We separated five years ago for a year. I remained faithful but he had a girlfriend. We got back together and he was even worse than ever. A couple years later he developed Alzheimer’s and now I take care of him. I have been asked out by a wonderful man. Part of me thinks I deserve some happiness as I never had it with my husband. My conscience tells me, I can’t see this nice man. Life is short but I don’t want to go against God. I’m so confused! Please help
Anyway...a few thoughts for you.
You can divorce him now. Yeah you will get haters for that move but not if they knew the backstory.
You can place him in Memory Care. That way you will not be personally caring for a man that has been abusive to you. Yup, your are going to get haters for this move as well. (see ya just can't win with some people!)
Before you do anything at least consult with an Elder Care Attorney and see what options you have that will be beneficial to you. (sometimes it is financially better to divorce, other cases it is better to remain married, at least on paper)
One other thing...If your husband is a Veteran please check with your local Veterans Assistance Commission they will help determine if he is eligible for any benefits from the VA. They will do this free of charge.
lastly....Life is short and you never know what is going to happen. If you want to see this person go ahead. I doubt seriously that God will mind. It is your husband and his abuse and infidelity that has to "worry". And maybe MJ1929 is right, you have served your penance here on earth.
Source: https://mendingthesoul.org/resources/general/a-biblical-response-to-the-abused-wife/
Yes, go and date this nice man. It may help you to get some counseling before entering into another relationship. Many abusers start out "nice" and the victims have a high tolerance for bad treatment by others.
If you are attending a church where the pastor or others are admonishing/pressuring/guilting you to stay with your abuser, you should also divorce this church. I wish you peace and joy as you move forward to a better life.
You have your priorities entirely backwards. But that's what tends to happen with abusive men; they convince you that you're the bad guy and they're the good guy. That you deserve no happiness. Therein lies the trouble and the bald faced LIES.
Get rid of your husband by getting him placed into managed care, then file for divorce or at least legal separation, then embrace all the happiness life has to offer you, wherever you happen to find it, with whomever you happen to find it with. You deserve to.
What kind of "nice" man asks out a married woman who is caring for her husband, Alzheimer's or not? That seems really weird.
I could see that happening if your husband was in a facility, but if I understand correctly, is he still home?
I see nothing wrong with having lunch with a friend -- even a male one -- but are you thinking there's more to this than that? If so, I'd be a little wary of a "nice man" who's moving in for the kill this way.