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2nd, 1) Always do the right thing.
2) ,There is a reason you don't have the right to make medical decisions or administer meds, so Don't!
3) You are right to be paranoid, so do not go down a road that causes more paranoia. You know you can't win, or even get by without damages.
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SKILLED NURSING FACILITY. They have care takers there. Your sister should have more faith in this facility to take care of your mother. You should ask sis what is wrong with the facility that they cant take care of mom. FACILITY should be dispensing the meds; NOT HER & NOT YOU. They do it every day to most of their residents....
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Tell your sister you are not qualified to handle Moms medications. The facility should be able to do this. For an additional monthly cost they will dispense medication and write it down, and monitor when it is given and the dosage....

To me that is well worth it. If your mom is a long time resident, I am sure they will take over the medications for a whole week.... If your mom is in a facility, they have caretakers.....They will check on her. And your sister can make arrangements with the facility to make sure this is done..... Then you can check with the facility of your mom has a special diet. You can get take out and eat at the facility in her familiar grounds. If you tell the facility you are visiting, they will provide meals so you can eat with your mom at her table with the other residents.
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Here's another thought: contact the facility and see if they have Skype capability. If they do, and you do as well, arrange to Skype with your mother at specific times, such as mid morning and evening just before bedtime, to give her some good thoughts as she falls asleep. The staff could help set things up so your mother doesn't have to deal with figuring out how to use the equipment.
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2ndBest: Seriously, try to avoid doing this trip and being responsible for Mom. Mom will be OK without you but I worry about your health while there and afterwards. Sounds like sticking your finger in a light socket.
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Good idea, assandache...I may do that. pamsmegma...my "paranoia" is based on real events that have happened. So it's not like I am imagining something is going to happen, experience tells me it probably will. I can deal with the anxiety as long as I avoid possible traps. That is why I posted on here to get ideas for avoiding problems. But thanks, and maybe a little Xanax would take the edge off while I'm there, but I'm just not a pill-popper. I need to adjust my give-a-$hit meter way low!!
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2ndbest, get medicated for your paranoia or don't go at all. Sorry, but if you don't overcome the anxiety you have, it could be a rough ride.
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Why don't you ask one of your other siblings to come with you to visit also?
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My sister emailed me the other day asking a "favor" to come while she is out of town. It's possible she was trying to get it in writing (email) that she requested my help to cover while she is away, and that I refused. But I'm guessing my mom probably asked her to contact me and ask if I would come to be there with her. My sister knows I avoid her like the plague so she probably thought I would be more likely to come see my mom in her absence. I would like to see my mom and feel she may not get out of the rehab place, since she is almost 87 and quite frail. She feels she gets better care in the place if family is around to see what is going on, and that people with no family coming and going get ignored by staff for the most part. Squeaky wheel in other words. So I took the bait and I think my sister knows I'm certainly not doing it as a favor to her, but for a chance to visit my mom without her hovering over us. Indirectly I am helping my sister by giving her some peace of mind for the days she is away in that our mother doesn't feel abandoned.
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The staff at the skilled nursing facility should be administering her medication. Your sister nor you would have any reason to be doing that.

I would visit while others are around. The door to the nursing home room may be left open.

If your sister is so against you, why are you going to visit your mom when she is out of town? With all the things that you anticipate happening....I would imagine that they might.
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I have a crazy sister to. Don't react to anything she says or does or that goes wrong. Address only the healthcare pros. Act like nothing bothers you. You cannot controll your sister but you can controll any reactionary abuse on your part....
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GardenArtist...My mom has an apartment in a senior housing building, but after her fall she was moved from the hospital to the skilled nursing unit for rehab on her injuries, including two broken bones. So she still has the apartment, but is currently in a bed at the skilled nursing unit.
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If she is in skilled nursing they will have all of her medical information and advanced directives on file, and they will have your sister's contact information as well. Your mother is in care, so what would be the purpose of you being there at all other than as a familiar face to visit? If your sis has been micro managing her care you don't have to have any part of that,let the professionals do their work, it will probably be a relief to them not having sis looking over their shoulder all the time.
To protect yourself don't do anything that could be controversial: don't take her off site, don't bring her food from outside without prior approval, don't try to help her with any of her ADLs. And if you are really paranoid don't visit alone in her room but stick to common areas.
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Another thought that came to mind is, what if my sister, who is supposed to administer my mom's meds, sets me up by switching my mom's meds around in the dispenser (for the days I'm there) so when I give them to my mom I am unwittingly over- or under-dosing her? I think I will have to insist that the staff nurses give her meds and avoid that landmine altogether. Sad, but I feel I have to think like a sociopath to protect myself from one. They are always way ahead of a normal person in laying out their plans.
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I'm confused. You stated your mother is in a "skilled nursing facility", then state you're staying in a "guest room at the senior residence where her apt is", then mention your mother's apartment.

There's a big difference between an apartment in a senior community and a skilled nursing facility. And that would make a huge difference in any physical issues that might arise and how they should be handled.

Although I don't question the need of a daughter to be with her mother, I do wonder why it is that your sister feels you need to be there when she's on vacation. If your mother's in a SNF, there's more care there than you could possibly provide. They've have a copy of any DNR and would respond accordingly.

Honestly, with all the tension and suspicion you have toward your sister (which may be justified - I don't know), I would try to make arrangements to visit your mother at a restaurant or neutral place, or always in the company of someone else. Can your brother visit with you?

If she is in a senior living facility, visit with her in public areas where there are others around, especially staff. You might even ask staff about this beforehand and see if they'll "monitor" your visits.

It's really sad though to read of the suspicion and tension in your family.
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