Hello all. My mom is 93 and gets angrier by the day. I am usually on the receiving end of her blame, shame and anger. I have tolerated this for all 56 years of my life. I made my best effort to help her during the COVID 19 crisis, bringing her homemade meals, giving her financial assistance, etc. It's never enough. The more I give, the more she demands. Should I walk away and let someone else deal with it? I'm really tired of the abuse. Thanks.
If she can not manage on her own if she refuses to move to AL (or Memory Care if she has dementia..((and if she does she should not be living alone)) You can hire someone rather she can hire someone to come in and take care of the things that you have done. Fix some meals, clean, do laundry. If she has not been diagnosed with dementia and can understand and retain conversation tell her that you are going to step aside because of her treatment of you.
Discontinue any financial assistance. She should be able to manage with her income. If not time to cut back on spending and apply for programs that will help with utilities, food and other needs.
There is no need to take abuse from anyone that is cognizant. (and limited verbal abuse from one that is not) Physical abuse...NEVER from anyone!!! (anytime)
I would consider walking away from her for a set period of a month to get some piece of mind. These people can be like battery acid poured on your soul.
You can make a rational decision after your break to leave for good or to set strong boundaries. Both are equally great choices.
Decide when you will visit and call, how much time and energy you will devote to her, and then move on with your life. She won't be happy ANYWAY, so what's the difference? Once you grasp that idea within your mind, it's easier to stick to the new boundaries you create.
Good luck!