To report or not to report....... Dealing with Home Care Agency. Suggestions?

Have you considered simply talking to them? I would first try just talking to them like human beings.

Something like, “Ladies I so appreciate all you do. You are my eyes and look after her when I can’t, and I just wanted you to know that she trusts you, and you all get along really well together. But she’s old, and very proper. I am sorry to say that it does bother her and me when certain liberties are happening, like your own laundry or using our bathroom to shower yourself. I understand how busy you must be, but we just don’t want your own personal business to be done at the house when you’re looking after Mom. I’m sure you understand…”

Trust me. You get more with honey.

That being said, I don’t think it’s completely unreasonable that they do this if they are live-in care, as in, they are there looking after your mom for 12 hours straight. It’s hard to live a life if you’re tied to someone else’s house if you’re there straight 12 hours. That being said, it would have been much more polite if they had just ASKED first.

Still, if you overall like them, I’d try to rectify the situation first while make as few waves as possible.

I have many years of homecare experience and my advice to you would be to talk to the caregivers directly and not the agency. If they're over-stepping themselves in your mother's house to the point where it's real disrespect and your mom's need aren't being met, then speak to the agency about it. They will not send better to you though because they don't have better. Agency-employed caregivers usually get minimum wage or just above for their service, and most of them will hire anyone. If these caregivers are doing an adequate job, not ripping your mother off, and are not neglecting her care needs or home, then really you can't expect better for what they're getting paid.
If you want quality, top-shelf caregivers like myself, with a good work ethic who treats this kind of work as a profession, hire and pay privately. I wouldn't even get out of bed for what a homecare agency offers for employment. You will always get better people. I worked as agency help for a long time and I can tell you that for every one home caregiver like me at an agency, there are probably a thousand who you wouldn't even want in your house. Then I went on my own. Private cases only. My pay increased by more than double. All I did was charge what a care agency charges. Only I'm the one making the money.
Care agencies couldn't care less about whether or not a client is getting quality service. They only concern themselves with putting a worker in a house and collecting the money. You will get nowhere with complaining.
I strongly recommend you use a caregiver website and interview potential hires for your mom. Or keep the agency ones if they're decent and get on well enough with your mother. You can't expect more than that from agency help. When hiring privately, you check out their references yourself and negotiate the pay with the caregivers directly. No middle- man involved and taking a cut for doing nothing. You can hire as many as you need to do round-the-clock for your mom and they will be the same people every time. Not a different face every other day.
Truly this is the only way to go if you want quality care and peace of mind. Good luck.

Based just on what you have told us, I’d suggest that you may also be worrying a bit too much. Perhaps your mother’s traits are there a bit for you too.

The ‘taking liberties’ is one of them. If two were there at the same time as the hair coloring exercise, did your mother watch and enjoy it? Did she object, or did she say go ahead? Did she object to the use of her washing machine? Or did she agree because the carer was time poor and found the length of her home cycle difficult (or perhaps sitting waiting in a laundromat)?

It’s possible that this is upsetting you, and your mother is then agreeing with YOU, after first agreeing with THEM. This is a very stressful time for you (not easy for your mother either), and the best advice may be ‘don’t sweat the small stuff’.

I hope that other posters will give other reactions, this is just something to consider.

I think you need to speak up telling them that they are there to care for Mom. Part of that care is interacting with her. Keeping her busy. You also need to tell them that washing their clothes is not allowed. By doing it, they are using Moms detergent and water that she pays for in her rent. You can fib a little and say any water used over above what is considered normal usage Mom is charged for. They are also putting wear and tear on the washer. (Tell them if they continue to wash their clothes there, you will charge them accordingly. I am kind of kidding here.😊)

It surprises me when people talk about in home caregivers the things they feel they are entitled to do. I know they don't get paid great money but that doesn't mean you steal from your client. And it is stealing when you wash your clothes at a clients home. When you sit on your phone and your attention is not directed at the patient. What happened with asking permission.

Showering in my home! Don't think so. Just thinking about it I cringe.

Boy oh boy. I would never put up with this and your mother feels they are disrespecting her. I would call the agency in a heart beat if I were you. I have a wonderful agency for about 1 1/2 for my mother . The RN is great. I was with another that was not so good. The aide was to care for my mom for two hours, but she was always on the phone. She was to do some laundry, cook a light meal, change the sheets and bath my mom. I did confront her and she got defensive so I called the agency. We did not stay with them for long after that. Do what is beneficial for your mother. She gets too anxious with these caregivers.

If I had a decent caregiver putting in a 10-12 shift I wouldn't have an issue with them doing a load of laundry in their downtime as long as they brought their own detergent and cleared it with me first. Taking a shower in my home, I would not be ok with. I would also expect them to have their phone put away except for short break times. This seems to be the standard for low paid agency caregivers.

I cringed when I read your story. Why are caregivers overlapping their shifts, that they have time to color each other's hair? They are supposed to be focused on your mom, not on each other. Your house is not a salon.
How are they taking care of your mom when they are showering? What if your mom falls? They would need a few minutes to dry off and get changed. Meanwhile mom is on the floor. Unacceptable! Your not running a hotel or hostel.
How are they taking care of your mom when they are folding their laundry? They aren't.
I would skip the agency. Are these college aged kids? It is your home. You are going to have to tell them that the laundry, shower taking, shampooing, coloring hair, hanging out on the phone will stop. Do it on their own time. They must not have enuff to do. That is not what you are paying them for. Your/moms house is not a college dorm.
It would be one thing if they asked and there was a reason for it. Or it was a 1 off. Or they are a beloved caregiver, and you agreed.
If this isn't nipped in the bud, it will lead to more things happening. What happens if they decide to chat with their friend's on the phone for an hour? Bring a boyfriend over and have movie night. Etc. Nip it in the bud or they will take a mile. Actually they already are.
Tell them since you have so much free time on your hands to do your laundry, I need the floor mopped, dusting, strip mom's bedding, clean bathroom. Empty trash etc. Now they will cook a few meals.
Since the agency won't discipline, you will have to set the tone.
Where else can they get paid to work and do hair and laundry? Nowhere.
Since it is your/mom's home you set the rules/tone. You don't have to be mean about it. Just matter of fact.
Say; its come to my attention you 2 girls are doing each other's hair. I'm not paying you for that. The showers and laundry will stop as well. I pay for water and electricity.
Who would like to pay the extra? I can show you the bill. O_o
Then say I want my mom's bed stripped and washed, bathroom towels, mat washed weekly. Kitchen towels washed and mom's clothes. Floor mopped. Have a weekly check list.
I might let the caregiver do 1 load of laundry if she got the other things washed weekly as a perk, and she had no laundry facilities, but the other things no. She would have to be exceptional. This is a job she is being paid for.
I would never think to do that. I think it is disrespectful. If she worked at a hotel she doesn't get a free room to sleep in the bed, and shower in the rooms. It is a job.
It doesn't mean you can't be nice, just matter of fact. Tell them you have cameras set up. They don't know that you dont. That will straighten them up.
You are their boss, not the other way round. If they are going to do anything like that ask first. This is a house not a hostel.
If you don't get a backbone, they will cont to do what they want. Good luck.

Report immediately. That's ridiculous and I would hope in violation of your agency's rules. Coloring each other's hair?! I am a home caregiver and no way, no how. That shows zero standard of care.

Caregiver should not be taking showers in your mother’s bathroom or washing her own clothes in your mother’s washing machine!!! Look for someone else. I wouldn’t trust that person to be in her home. Keep looking till you find a trustworthy caregiver who respects your mother. You should have care plan with list of duties to be done & washing her own clothes & taking showers isn’t on the list. Caregiver needs to help your mother in shower & wash your mother’s clothes…& iron if necessary. Don’t wait & procrastinate with this.
Hugs 🤗

If you have two people hired to be there at the same time and they have time to color their hair, it would seem one person could do the job. Get rid of the buddy system and reevaluate what the agency told you the caregiver tasks would be.

I wouldn't have a problem w/someone washing a load of clothes once a week - but more than that is too much. Make a daily task list from your agency contract and have the solo employee check off each task as completed.

Once you allow an employee to do things that they should be doing, it's not an employee problem - it's a problem with employer for not saying anything.