My mom has had 24/7 caregivers from an agency for the past 7 weeks to help her adjust to being back home from a TCU where she was for 10 weeks. She is working towards independence and needs some redirection and stand by assistance. She is suffering PTSD and severe anxiety from the TCU experience. She never had to deal with anxiety before and really had a hard time even identifying that it is happening.
She has completed all OT, PT services and has come a long way. She likes routine and is thrown back into OCD behaviors from the anxiety she experiences with new caregivers or caregivers not communicating with her but their phones and also overstepping boundaries, like coloring each others hair while supposedly taking care of her. One also takes the liberty to take showers and wash her own clothes in my mom's washing machine.
I am hesitant about reporting these infractions as the caregivers are ok, mom is familiar with them and I am afraid I could get them fired (doubtful) or reprimanded, and that they will then take it out on my mom or that the replacements will be worse than what we have now.
My mom is very bright and sharp and knows what they are doing and really feels disrespected. She is however not one to rock the boat. She also wants me to have a life and not be the one to stay with her. I have stepped in twice and she is fairly easy to care for if not stressed out.
I am over at her apartment daily and call her several times a day. I am so stressed out that I feel I am in danger of becoming sick. I just want my mom to succeed and be happy.
I don't think I am being unreasonable when I try to get the "good" caregivers on the schedule on a consistent basis. I am communicating with the scheduler/customer service person and evidently there is no one else to report anything to. I am told everyone else only deals with operations and not the day to day care giving or customer satisfaction. Quite a business model.
I am thinking about cutting services back to 2 shorter four hour shifts, which was suggested by our PT person, hoping for more consistency and if my mom is comfortable with the reduction of hours.
It is like I am paying to torture myself. I have also thought about finding some independent caregivers instead of going through an agency. This is a slow process and I think my mom can get back to total independence so this may have to go on for several more months. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
Doing hair and showering - no on those for me. I may would try to be okay with the laundry if they have shifts beyond the norm. But again I'm funny about stuff like that so my mind would be all over the place wondering what bad habits they hold.
Give you an example; trying to keep dad in our home for a while. He at 87 thinks he can still stand and hit the target. So last weekend he had his &*? on him and told me if I didn't get out his way and let him stand like he wants he would pea on me. My bp went through the roof. I told him if he did he would immediately be removed from our home. I left the room to cool off only to find he missed.
Urine everywhere (on toilet and on floor in front of toilet). I told him that he had made work for himself and that I'll do the final cleanup. He goes, it's just urine and urine on floor ain't nothing. BP up again.
So those things would go through my head when it comes to others because I know how I like to keep my home.
Would love to hear your end results.
Post copies in a few places in your mom/s home.
Let caregivers know these are just reminders for everybody.
If you see a problem, "remind" the caregiver of the expectation list.
If the problem is repeated, report to agency.
You may have to let them know that your mom does not have unlimited resources to pay for their water and electric needs.
Remember that these people are your employees and they should be doing their job.
Your mom should feel delighted, not stressed by their arrival. I remember once a caretaker came to help me and Mom was so thrilled and ready for me to leave. It hurt my feelings a bit and then I realized that we had hired the right caretaker.
The caregiver should certainly do their job and get along with the clients. It isn't our job to make sure the clients are delighted with our arrival. That's asking a bit too much.
I wouldn't have a problem w/someone washing a load of clothes once a week - but more than that is too much. Make a daily task list from your agency contract and have the solo employee check off each task as completed.
Once you allow an employee to do things that they should be doing, it's not an employee problem - it's a problem with employer for not saying anything.
So either report them to the agency or hire another agency. That’s the bottom line. They are Care givers. Not beauticians. Sorry to be so blunt.
nothing can replace my moms stress and the loss of her wedding and engage rings. And all the rest of her jewelry. It happened Over the holidays as well.
of the agency you use isn’t supportive at provided good qualified and compassionate people to care for your mom (you said it was 24/7), you need to keep shopping. I know it’s rough. Been dealing with this for over 10 years now. Twice we’ve had phenomenal aides, but the majority of the ones hired through agencies gave not been. And the minute you become reluctant to complain means you are settling and that’s not good. If these people can’t do what they’re supposed to do, they need to go. And quickly. For everyone’s well bring. We waited too long and settled. And the horrific events that transpired was the result.
I don't care how many hours the caretaker is employed - if they are 'on the clock' and being paid for their time, then their sole and total responsibility is for taking care of the patient. If they are performing personal things during that time, in essence, YOU are paying them to color their hair; YOU are paying them to make personal calls; YOU are paying them to do their laundry (without permission to use your appliances); and YOU are paying them to take a shower and thereby endanger your parent by not having supervision.
Some may counter - well, the caretakers don't make very much. Well, EVERY service industry employee is underpaid - it doesn't provide the excuse that they can 'make up' for the smaller wages by engaging in other behaviors. For example, what if your flight attendant was busy making a personal call on her cell phone while making the final take-off checks, or was putting on a coat of nailpolish while in-flight? Would that be o.k?
Hiring a independent careprovider - they would need to be bonded and insured; you would need to talk to your homeowner's insurance (liability, personal injury, etc) and your cpa/tax prep expert; also check with your state/county/city for things like unemployment insurance etc. There is a lot that goes into hiring independents.
Finally, if expressing dissatisfaction with service, make sure they don't have a key or access to a key (could make a copy). And I always worried about retaliation. That is why going through a highly reputable agency that pays well (not all of them do)is utmost important
When you use an agency the caretaker only earns a small amount of what you’re paying.
The benefits of using a service (providing substitute workers and processing paychecks) were outweighed by the cost savings for us.
Once you find someone you like, a “nanny” payroll service charges a nominal fee for processing payment (withholding, etc).
If they're actually living there, even if temporarily, then of course they would expect standard domestic conveniences. Colouring one another's hair might be a bit much, but using the shower (obviously!) and even the washing machine isn't.
If they aren't living in then I can't imagine why this hasn't already been tackled. But seeing as it hasn't, call the agency and get the ground rules sorted out. (Your mother hasn't told them it's fine to use the shower and the washing machine or anything, has she?)
We've used agency and also direct pay.
Our direct pay caregivers many times work other jobs. I'm okay with them taking a shower if they overnight and have to go to their next job at a nursing home etc.
I've also had direct pay caregivers work 24 hours or more. I'm okay if they take showers in these situations.
Be aware there is a major shortage of caregivers in the US right now.