Follow
Share

I can't do this any more it has been years and its just me . I was here for some years helping with Hs property . A cousin had a stroke , My Mom got dementia , my brother got stage 4 cancer and a tenant Killed himself . My dad started acting kooky after My mom and bother died . I am the Only one taking care Of him . I left June 2019 to see My Grandson and my Grand daughter . Covid hit . My Dad freaked out . All the tenants left and I had to come back and clean up the mess . He was OCD the refrigerator was broken and crawling with Maggots . He had 3 phones and 3 phone numbers . I sold 2 condos they were a money Pit . he said " he would buy a house in Florida " Then dumped everything in the stock market with out telling me . Then he fell last summer and was afraid to go to rehab - he had a stroke so all year I took care of him . My sister showed up 3 weeks ago we got covid and she went to the Bank with my dad and got me removed as POA and then called the stock broker and got me removed as POA . We have $1500 in the bank account . I had 7 caregivers lined up to interview and a house sitter . I wanted to Visit My Grand children but Now I have to wait to see the stock broker June 16 with my father . I am so sick of this it really is not worth the aggravation any more . my sister Only lasted a few days after the damage she caused and then went Back to California . I have told the social workers " I dont think I can do this any more " he refuses to do anything - get his mail , take out trash , go outside , buy Food. his License expired and there is no way he can drive . He can't even walk . I have been sick for 3 weeks and I think he has made me sick . I dont Know what else I can do any more but My father thinks what he is Pulling is funny . I really Can Not stand him any More . And I am sick of everyone telling me to take care of this guy .

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
So did you go to the Stockbroker yesterday?
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

KNance72: I'm very sorry for what you're going through and it sounds like you were just trying to help out a loved one. Both of my parents died of fairly sudden heart attacks, so there was none of this, and my father remained quite lucid until the age of 82 when he fell over with a massive coronary attack -- dead before he hit the ground, the medics said.

These sad stories of family feuds, one child doing everything and others misbehaving, remind me of a wonderful movie I saw some time ago with Meryl Streep. It involves two sisters, one of whom left the family home ages ago (just "split",) and the other who stayed at home for years and years, basically to take care of a very ill father. Then the former "shows up" as the father is dying at home. The "prodigal" daughter says at one point to the stay-at-home caring sister, how awful it must have been all these years for her having to miss out on so much, even the chance at "love," she says. (As I recall; it's been a while since I saw the film). The stay-at-home sister says to the other, in a very gentle, but very dramatic moment in the film: "Love?? Oh no, I haven't missed out on ANYthing at all. You see, I have loved him so very much." I can't recall the name of the movie but you can probably find it online.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
Christine44 Jun 2022
Sorry, I confused the story line, in writing " It involves two sisters, one of whom left the family home ages ago, and the other split and basically disappears." The story line involves: one sister who stayed at home for years to take care of the ill father and the other who split and basically disappears."
(0)
Report
See 2 more replies
Walk away. Or better still RUN away. Your sister is POA? Great. She's responsible now, not you.
As for your father. If he's behaving like an invalid, treat him like one. Call APS and report him as an vulnerable at-risk adult who is an incompetent invalid. Make sure you give them the POA's (your sister's) contact information in California. Then your duty is done.
For good measure, you may want to stop by the local police department in your father's area and ask them to do a wellness check. They may even call APS for you. Also make sure the cops have his POA's contact information because your sister is the 'go-to' person now.
Then walk away. Good luck.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
AlvaDeer Jun 2022
I couldn't agree more. Apparently the POA is removed now from NNance, our OP, tho if Dad has dementia I am uncertain how that can conceivably have been done.
NNance, be certain your Sister is the new POA. Report Dad to APS as a senior at risk and tell them you are uncertain about Sister being new POA, but that YOU , who WERE POA, are unable mentally, physically, emotionally or intellectually to manage Dad.
You will need to be certain that you are removed as POA with all entities and let them know name and address of new POA. Let sister know it would be easier if you did this together, and legally beneficial for her. If she is the new POA turn over all your files, records, and everything pertaining to Dad's estate and walk away.
DO KNOW that you cannot walk away from Dad just because you suppose he has a new POA. If he has dementia and you have registered yourself as POA on all accounts, that could be considered abandoning him. So people have to know who the new POA is.
Then get out of Dodge.
With what's happening in the stock market right now there might not be a whole lot of money to worry about soon. I always wonder why seniors leave all their funds in stocks at a certain age; seems too risky to me.
(1)
Report
"My sister showed up 3 weeks ago we got covid and she went to the Bank with my dad and got me removed as POA and then called the stock broker and got me removed as POA ." 

No one can be "removed" w/o execution of a new POA document by the individual for whom the proxy is created.  You CANNOT call a stock broker and have someone removed.

That may be your interpretation, but stockbrokers have no authority to change proxies, especially by phone.

I would agree though that based on what you've written, it's time for you to move on, as you clearly are not satisfied with your father's or sister's actions.   Live your own life.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report
igloo572 Jun 2022
Garden, you are absolutely spot on that a POA canNOT be removed from a brokerage account via a phone call. There is a raft of paperwork with signatures needed to do any changes AND the brokerage house will have a back office review for compliance. You don’t do that, you’ll have FINRA all over the branch manager and brokers butt.
Even if you do self-directed investing that’s all on-line & e-sig, all required compliance still has to be done. No way this was executed by just a phone call.
(5)
Report
See 8 more replies
Mum was POA for a friend for 5 years or so. It was to protect her, at her request from her son who was taking thousands from his mother.

Mum went on a 3 week trip. When she returned, she went to her friend's bank to pay her bills. The bank informed Mum the POA had been revoked. No word from her friend at all. The son had convinced his demented mother to remove Mum as POA.

Mum was really upset, but stood back and let the cards fall in place. No one else was willing to step in as POA. Other friends reported Elder Abuse by the son to the authorities and the friends affairs were put under the control of the Provincial Guardian.

20 years ago by, the friend died. Public Trustee got hold of Mum. Apparently she was the Executrix of the Will and now had to settle the estate. It has been more than 3 years and it is still not settled.

In your Dad's case, you are completely burnt out. You do not have support from your siblings and Dad cannot manage. Call in APS. report a vulnerable adult, make it very clear that you are no longer capable of providing care and walk away.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
KNance72 Jun 2022
the social worker called elder services and APS it has been documented .
He got blind sided by my sister for some odd reason since she shows up only once a year and never invites him to California . He was fine till she came along. neither her or her Husband work so she came to cause trouble . I want to break ties with her permanently . I Tried last August when she did not call for 7 weeks after her father fell .
(1)
Report
KNance, you say that you have taken on 7 years now of caretaking others, that you are sick of everyone telling you to take care of "this guy" and that you think he has "made me sick". You say you "really cannot stand him anymore".
I think this is an excellent indication that you need to pull back from caregiving now and take the attitude that Dad will get the same care he would have got had you never been born.
If you need to see a therapist to learn how to preserve your own life and health, then definitely do this. You will be very glad you did.
Talk of your sister is irrelevant. It sounds she has already MADE the right decisions, and is not involved in all this.
I wish you the best, but you must be responsible for your own life choices, own them, and change them when change is needed. I hope for you to find peace in future. You aren't alone and there is help out there for you.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I would do nothing in reference to Sister. Let her deal with Dad. Looks like to me you have to deal with more than an average POA and you can't do it anymore. Dad chose to revoke your POA, so be it. I would call the broker and tell him since you are no longer POA that there is no reason you need to be at the meeting. You are done with Dads hijinks. You are going to visit your grands.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
KNance72 Jun 2022
I dont feel very good about this stockbroker he Knew My sister was behind the phone call and has been calling him multiple times . he should have said " I need to speak with your sister . " he Knows I am the primary caregiver and the only one who takes care of My dad .
(1)
Report
If you weren't acting as his POA, then I suppose he can do as he pleases and change it to your sister.

However, he sounds fairly incompetent (MAGGOTS?), so he's likely incapable of assigning POA to your sister. You could report her to the police for taking financial advantage of a vulnerable adult, but if you don't care, then walk away.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I think it is excellent that you told the Social Workers you can't do this any more. Stick to that. With 1,500 in an account no one is being enriched in any way in any case. And the stock market may have lost quite a bit of what Dad put in. Sounds as though an attorney thought him competent enough to make a new POA, so you are FREE.
Leave the situation and make your own life. Let Dad and Sis work things out for themselves. Do, as you are no longer POA, make certain that all entities you were registered as POA on, accounts, etc. know that you are no longer the POA so they can remove your name.
I, too hope that you have kept careful records of all financial in and out of money in your Dad's behalf, as you may be called to account for his cash and how it was spent in his behalf if you were handling his money. Hand over your records on request of attorney or court, but I would take care about handing them to your Sister, who may claim she never got them.
Best of luck. Get on with your life. You are free.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Since you are no longer POA (and presumably do not wish this responsibility), no one can officially tell you to take care of your father - you have been released from the obligation (albeit a sad negation of your past efforts). This role reverts to your father or whomever is appointed subsequently - it sounds like his affairs require some professional management to at least get things sorted, arrange care/placement. I believe there are advisors who specialise in this field and that might ease the burden on yourself as you are clearly overwhelmed with recent events and your own helath matters.
Morally, you may want to have him assessed for competency and you WILL need to have a good account of your dealings as POA -"We" have $1500 in the bank??
It is so difficult when the one you care for is not on your side, where just a little recognition can resolve many grievances and sacrifices. Being ill will cloud your judgement so I hope you can see things in a more positive light after this all passes.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

So Dad has removed you as POA and seems sis had something to do with it. If he had assigned her now hope it was thru a lawyer. If so, tell tell them you need a letter from the lawyer explaining you have been removed as POA. Then take a copy to every place you gave a copy of your POA too. Tell them to lose your phone #

I have no idea what a stock broker has to do with all of this. If you are no longer POA why do you need to see anyone. Let sister deal with it or leave Dad on his own. Tell Dad your are done. He is on his own. Then go visit you grandkids. Let sister handle it. If Sis does not step up to the plate call APS on a vulnerable adult. Put him on their radar. Give them no more info than sisters phone#.

Dad may think he is funny but you no longer have to deal with it.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
MJ1929 Jun 2022
A stockbroker cannot do business with OP on Dad's behalf if she's been removed as POA. Same goes for a bank, too, or any other entity with which she was working on his behalf.
(1)
Report
See 3 more replies
I wonder if the bank and stockbroker did something wrong with removing you. Unless sister first took dad to the lawyer to have new POA paperwork drawn up naming HER as POA? I would find that out and make a big stink if necessary.

Does he have dementia? If so, who helped him decide to put all his money in stock market? Could be something like elder abuse going on there!

I hire a caregiver for my mom (with her money). She is always questioning it but it's not up to her anymore. Hire help for your dad, and if he has dementia, tell them that they answer to YOU not to him because he is not competent.

Don't let him treat you like free labor. Do what you are comfortable doing for him and hire people to do the rest. Set boundaries and reclaim some of your life, while making sure he is taken care of, etc.

Good luck
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
KNance72 Jun 2022
He seems to do what ever he feels like doing . he isn't honest . I have tried my best to make sure taxes are Paid , car is ok , he see doctors, neurologists , Physical therapists , has a house cleaner and a CNA who bathes him . All I do is buy groceries , items needed for the House and Pay bills . He Doesn't do much but watch TV and read . he doesn't even take out his trash . he can't Use a coffee maker and forgets how to use the phone . I have tried My best But when someone comes along and side swipes you when you are trying to hire caretakers and Physical therapists you wonder why you are even bothering . Whats the point if you have to deal with abuse . my Sister sees him once a year for a few days . I Just gave up 2 years of My life I am not sure I want to give up another year for him. he falls down I have to Pick him up. I dont Know why People think People can take care of someone with dementia - its a very hard Job . This is 7 years of taking care of sick people . I think there is something called self preservation where you have to take care of yourself first especially if your being walked upon like a door Mat. he has money for assisted living . This has become Non sense .
(1)
Report
I'm sorry you're struggling.

But--your post was kind of one run on sentence and I didn't understand much.

Can you walk away from this and live your own life?

Why is a stockbroker involved?

If I am confused, I'm sure I'm not the only one.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report
KNance72 Jun 2022
I think its time to walk away . I have done everything I can and am dealing with a foolish Man . he Put all His Money in the Stockmarket so he has no Money in His Bank account . I told My sister " I felt like it was time for assisted living I have been here 2 years and am exhausted . I just want my Life and freedom back . " He Put all his Money into the stock market to be a jerk . he treats me like free labor and I am sick of it . I thought I could Make this work if I can hire caregivers but if he is constantly Undermining me it can't work and I am really tired at this point .
(2)
Report
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter