Totally exhausted, who wants sex?!

For what it's worth, my 95 y/o mother lives in a Memory Care ALF and they have 125 residents between the regular AL & the MC; NOT ONE resident has died or even gone to the hospital for Covid since the onset of this plague! Look into placement for your mother and realize that YOU matter too in the big picture here. What happens if YOU die, then what, God forbid? You've already devoted 5 years of your life to the woman and now feel empty and burned out as a result. Don't use the virus as a reason she 'can't' be placed b/c she CAN.

Stop putting the rest of YOUR life on hold and look into placement for your mom where you can go visit her every day, if you so desire. It's okay to look after yourself and your husband now; nowhere is it written you have to lay down your own life to care for a demented mother at home to your own detriment.

Good luck realizing that your life matters too!

Put her in Assisted Living or Memory Care, promise or no promise. Any parent who makes a child promise that is either incredibly naive or just intentionally cruel.

You will still be taking care of your mother if you check that she is getting good care in a facility. And the facility will become ‘her own home’, very soon if dementia progresses. You can set her room up with things she will recognise, to help it feel like home.

Your Dad did not know the future. He cared about you as well as your mother. He would not want you to be like this. He would trust and want you to make your best decision on what is happening now, to you as well as to her. Have trust in him that he would understand what commonsense needs you to do. And trust yourself to value your mother, yourself, your husband and your marriage. Have courage, Margaret

My mom's been in an AL since February here in coastal Virginia. They've had 2 aides at the facility test positive for covid in late summer--they had mild cold symptoms. One more just tested positive last week-again, mild cold-like symptoms. None of the residents have had covid since they were vaxed.
It's time to get your life back. Start looking at places. I bet if you start to look that it will help you feel hopeful. Good luck.

I am also 61, had hyst. 12 years ago. Have been on hormones ever since. It makes a huge difference. Improves my brain fog and mood too. Combination of estrogen, progesterone and testosterone. My sex life has never been better. Most Drs don't know enough to prescribe this well. But when you find one it will be worth it.
As for your mom, you know what I will say....time for AL. When I finally got my brother convinced, our mom tested with higher needs than we anticipated. Right now she has gone to a dementia facility for rehab after broken hip surgery and fingers crossed, will return to AL but to a smaller, lockdown wing although not in full memory care yet. It has been a lot to do and take in ever since her initial move but every day my brother and I comment on how her staying at home even with one of us would have made life impossible. You are walking the path that we didn't take. It is understandably difficult. The home is good about precautions for covid. We had a 2 week lockdown due to a case on campus but almost every patient is vaxxed and all staff is vaxxed.

Lack of libido is hormone AND stress-related; of course you are exhausted. Many men feel sex is a way to feel 'close' so try to have a heart to heart with your husband; if you enjoyed sex with him in the past you can again; maybe make it a 'playtime' for yourself...no expectations, just a personal 'vacation' instead of chore. Besides the changes of menopause, stress itself disrupts hormones, and when we are exhausted other self-care (good diet, decent sleep, regular exercise, relaxation methods like warm baths/listening to music/journaling) fall away but that only adds to the depletion of your body, we lose resilience. Let your husband know you need a break from caretaking, you need some Fun, and that finding ways to have fun might make you feel 'sexy' again, which could lift your spirit. All the best.

First, check with an assisted living center that is accepts residents based on income. There are some and its a better alternative to a NH. But you know you have to do something if you want your life back. You really know you have to make some hard decisions. Its not answers you are asking for, it's affirmation of what you know you should do. Placing her in a facility doesn't mean you are ending your relationship and she will adjust. You'll visit and have your life back. You can concentrate on your own health and the health of your marriage.

How you got involved in taking care of her to the detriment of YOUR life is something you must find a solution to at once. YOU come first, this is you time to live - she had her time. Check yourself out physically and then please look to put her into a facility - if you don't have funds, there are ways but you will need to speak with an eldercare attorney how to handle this. The fact is, YOU CANNOT CONTINUE WHAT YOU ARE DOING. You must find a way to place her or get some outside help to give you breaks. Do NOT wait.

Hi, get a checkup at the doctor, after menopause my body changed, you need to eat better, exercise and lots of other things to have the energy you used to have. Stress is also a big issue, a therapist and your doctor can help you get on the right direction. I am an only child and have my mother who has many health issues, and my two children who have also had some health issues this year and my spouse who does not tell me I ignore him, but I do, I really do not have enough time for everyone to be a mother, daughter and wife, and my job. I often feel down but I bounce back. No matter what is happening, there is time for you, just take a few minutes for you every day and I think you will start to feel better. You have to always be your first priority. Also take a few minutes to talk to your spouse, are you sure less sex is important to him, perhaps you are overthinking. My spouse seems to care more about attention, what I do is make sure we have a moment when we are together, a kiss, a simple good morning when he comes or goes during the day. If however the sex is important to you, then take the time to create a plan for care for your parent and make this a part of your routine. I am sure it is possible.

Lack of libido is hormone AND stress-related; of course you are exhausted. Many men feel sex is a way to feel 'close' so try to have a heart to heart conversation with your husband; if you enjoyed sex with him in the past you can again; maybe make it a 'playtime' for yourself...no expectations, just a personal 'vacation' instead of chore. Besides the changes of menopause, stress itself disrupts hormones, and when we are exhausted other self-care (good diet, decent sleep, regular exercise, relaxation methods like warm baths/listening to music/journaling) fall away but that only adds to the depletion of your body, we lose resilience. Let your husband know you need a break from caretaking, you need some Fun, and that finding ways to have general fun together might help you feel 'sexy' again, which could lift your spirit. All the best.