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I currently am the sole caregiver for my mother for the last 6 years. She suffered a stroke during carotid artery surgery in 2006, My sister had her until Mar 2008 when I took her. I too am disabled, I am in tremendous pain 24/7 and most recently have severe arthritis in both thumbs, which makes it difficult to take care of mom. I receive no help from my sisters and when I asked for help they called me a martyr, aren't they special? They have accused me of all kinds of things, which is ludicrous, our lawyer says it's because they are unable to do this job and they are jealous that I can. This too is hurtful but I have put them out of my life....and I have done so much for each of them over the years, including loaning money, paying for college tuition, etc..... It also hurts my mother because they don't call her or Skype her because I am here, meanwhile, my mother can do none of these things without help......I color and cut her hair, we do facials and pedicures, we go for rides, limited because of the incontinence, if she is in the hospital, I stay with her as she cannot speak and I do not leave her. I do not feel resentment for giving up the last 6 years, I look at it as spending the time with her while she is still here and every minute is precious. We laugh, we cry, we argue (keep in mind I cannot understand her), we hug, we hold hands, I sleep with her some nights, my bed is in the same room but sometimes I am in the same bed, just to be close to her.We have lobster on special occasions and she always has fresh food, no salt allowed because of her heart. She is in stage 4 renal failure and I have to manage not only salt intake, but the meds I give her depending on what's going on that day. I am up every 2.5 to 3 hours during the night to clean her up and turn her so she doesn't get bed sores....... I love this time spent with her but do not know what I will do when she passes. Last year she had 4 heart attacks and since has been unable to stand to transfer to her chair or to the car, so that makes travel difficult. She has become weak, so can no longer feed herself..... I understand everyone's story above and have empathy. What I don't understand, are my sister's....
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you dont transition, you steal someone elses mother and rock on.. its incredibly gratifying to fix the problems in a near helpless elders life.
when i get decrepit i have a son who will step up. he is a giver. you can see it when theyre quite young.
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Helen, bless you. Your mother is so fortunate that you are her daughter. I too saw the last year of my fathers life as precious time together. It was ' 'not ideal' due to restrictions of his physical body
Declining & Severe Dementia setting in. But, i would do it all again- just the same. It drew my mother & I even closer as well. Now, mom & I are taking Dads passing 'one day at a time.' They were married 61 years.(which is so special)
The void is there, of course.. But I just keep a positive outlook for today, tommorrow & the yrs to come will pose new challenges. Im going to enjoy Mom (81 in gd health) for as long as possible.
I tell her 'it's our special Mom& Daughter' time.
Take care- :)
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steal and rock on, eh captain? I like that.
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