My mom is in a nursing home near where she lives. Her husband/my father died suddenly 2 weeks ago. My husband and I want to move her to a nursing home closer to us (she's in PA now, we want to move her to Georgia). She can't walk but she uses a wheelchair. She does get carsick but I'm hoping the doc can give her some medication for that. We want to make the trip in one 10-12 hour drive but neither my husband nor myself can do that long a drive in one day.

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Peymar, if the woman is 90, her own daughter is already too old to care for her at home. Attempting to do so would probably kill your MIL. Do not let her do this.
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My dad has 30 days left to stay at a therapy facility. After that, he will not be able to return to his independent life in his condo. Major life changes and being a retired nurse for so many years, I am the only one in my family who has the compassion and understanding of his needs. I am now challenged with moving him from NC to Iowa to a near by facility where I live. Suggestions please?
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Any ideas to move my mom from San Diego California to Dallas, Texas. She has Alzheimer's and dementia but sleeps all the time except eating and going to bath room. She can not walk.
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When the elder is in a pretty decent elder care facility, yet still complains they can't stand it there, it's important to consider what's really going on.
While it's easier for some families to move their elder nearer to them, it's not always a good idea for the elder, and it could result in unfortunate episodes in so many ways.
Please assess the risk: benefit ratio.
Elders complain they cannot stand their facility anymore, ALL.THE.TIME. What they are Probably doing, is complaining because they feel their lives closing in on them; suffered many harsh losses. What they are really trying to escape, is that they are losing their abilities to function, lost home, lost autonomy...they cannot get those back by moving to a new facility, nor by begging relatives to keep them at their homes.
IF the elder is Appropriately, Safely Housed in a Facility, due to their diminishing capacities; and, care is decent, often they need repeatedly reassured that is the best place for them; just stop promising them what is not realistic to promise!
Each case is different, and needs to be really well-assessed, before deciding.
For instance:
A relative's siblings have made her life misery for decades.
NOW, her siblings, via a lawyer [they won't speak with her--probably a good thing].. are trying to corner her into taking their Mom into her house [without adequate POA's--they don't want to give those up], to do 24/7 care, instead of keeping Mommy at the very nice Assisted Living she's in [it also has capability to move clients into increasingly higher-care levels--a good item].
Mommy is pushing 90, a bit ditzy, has increasingly more worse moments. Just had a fall w/broken wrist.
The lawyer even just told this Relative, after she'd told him "no", to [while she's out of state working]... "just go online to find a new facility for Mommy closer to your house"; then, "Mommy's estate can pay to fix your house and hire in-home care while you are away".
Mommy's been insisting she cannot stand to stay in that facility.
She's already been moved to 4 different ones in less than 2 years, declining a bit more each time. Pretty sure she was extremely demanding about being moved each time, and the siblings caved-in and arranged it--the woman has always been pretty formidable!
This Relative is herself an elder. Her only real source of much-needed income, is from taking jobs that work one or two months at a time, then no work for many months, always far from home. This intermittent work has been preventing her from becoming homeless.
Once Mommy dies, even if Mommy's estate pays for her care/fixing at her house, would leave this relative destitute upon death of Mommy, and, no way for her to return to doing that work.
She's got her own health issues, a too-small house badly configured; NOT Accessible [not ADA safe]. It'd cost many thou$and$ to fix everything.
After years of kicking this relative to the curb, and preventing her participating in family stuff, and promising to take care of Mommy, the Siblings now say they don't want Mommy in their homes...reasons.
Sister promised to build a MIL cottage in her back yard--got initial permits, but stalled..for several years now. Deliberately. And has her own health issues.
Brother says his hands are full; kids, work, health.
Sister now announced she's moving out of state, and wants this Relative to take Mommy into her house.
Relative is in NO position to do that, even with in-home helpers!
More weird sibling games afoot, make it even a worse idea.
But Relative says she'd really like to do it [heart's in the right place].
I advised her, "look at patterns of borderline-elder abuse her family has played on [her] for years...what if Mommy had a mishap at her house...they'd be all over her in the worst ways". And, "How might she feel if those siblings, who have long-refused to let her into their homes, now demand to be allowed into this relative's home, even when she's not at home?"
And, they refuse to give up their POA's, so this relative would have no way to legally do anything but call 911.
Yet, this relative sounds like she's starting to cave-in to the pressure...
The siblings and their lawyer are pushing this on her while she's out-of-state working, too.
It can only be a bad trip, in every way, for their Mom, who is otherwise perfectly decently cared for at her current facility.
But it also sounds like her kids all fear to simply tell Mommy, "Mom, you really are in the safest place where yo hare right now, and close to people and things you like to see and do; if you moved again, there's no telling what kind of situation you'd land in, and be stuck in that."
Sometimes, elders need a bit of reality check; it's so very hard! And so do potential caregivers!
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Moving an Alzheimer's patient back to a previous location that she was familiar with would not normally make her worse. The move may even be helpful by lowering the stress level by being in a familiar environment. Plus if you are with her every day to increase her stimulation by recalling fond memories from her past, singing songs together etc. that should help her.
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Since we transport patients long distance ( state to state ,cross country) almost every day, we often encounter patients with dementia. Often they do not even realize they are traveling to another location.From our experience as long as the patient is not fearful or frightened about traveling the trip is not difficult for the patient. Perhaps that is because a our medical coach is more like a home with a couch and full kitchen etc. plius the patient does not have to leave the coach to use the bathroom. The stress falls on the family member who must change the diapers, change the foley catheter, perhaps suction the patient, arrange oxygen if needed, turn the patient every 3-4 hours to prevent bed sores etc. As mentioned above some sedation in route often helps patients who become anxious. Sending facilities seldom give sedation because of liability issues which they cannot control once the patient leaves their facility. Hope these comments are helpful.
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It took me over a year to finally get her here in AZ with me. She did not want to move. I hired 2 caregivers to fly up with me and take her out of NH. When we got to NH they were not prepared and did not have mom sedated so she would be more compliant. The NH she was previously in was horrible and took advantage of me living so far away. Anyway, I wound up paying the 2 caregivers to drive me and my mom back to AZ.....a 23 hour non stop drive. Mom currently doesn't remember the drive down here and thinks she is still close to Granite City, IL (where she lived for most of her adult life). If you would like to email me I will give you contact information for the people that helped me. Without them, mom would still be at that horrible nursing home. Best of luck to you.
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Well, I'm assuming, and pardon me for doing that, from reading 2bluwings post that the reason for the move is since the spouse died there is no one left where she currently is to make sure the nursing home is taking good care of her.

I moved my mom who has Dementia from a Missouri nursing home to Surprise, AZ to be close to me and make sure she is being well taken care of.
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Recent memory of events is usually the first to be lost. Long term memory recall of events 10 years ago should make the transition easier than going to new surroundings. One never know for certain but I think it be the better choice to return to the previous environment than to new surroundings. Still some patients adjust very well even to the new setting. Just my opinion for what it's worth after 30 years of experience transporting patients.
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Peymar401, my first question why was your Mom-in-law's mother placed in a nursing home to begin with, and how long has she been there? What other medical issues does Mom-in-law's Mom has beside memory?

Why does your Mom-in-law want to move her Mom back home? And like Babalou above had written, does she have at several shifts of professional caregivers lined up to help? Is her house set up like a nursing home? If not, and Mom isn't mobile, can Mom-in-law carry her from bed to bathroom, etc? With Alzheimer's there are different stages. Mom-in-law might find herself trying to live on 2 or 3 hours a sleep per day. I hope there is a really really good reason to make this move.
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What a terrible idea!

Moving dementia patients out of a familiar environment invariably leads to decline.

Why ever would your mil want to move her mother BACK HOME? Has she got three shifts of caregivers lined up? Has grandma got the funds to do that.?

If this is a question of distance, better to get a geriatric care manager involved where grandma is to handle emergencies. The time to move grandma was when she was first diagnosed.
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My mother-in-law wants to move her mother, who is 90 and has Alzheimer's, from a nursing home that is 6 hours away to take care of her at home. Is it a possibility that she will become worse after the move, to a place that she hasn't seen in probably 10 years or so?
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Agree with many of the comments already posted above. Long trips are fatiguing for both the caregiver the driver and the patient. That is why we now offer not only air ambulance service (very expensive) but now long distance ground transportaton . We transport patients long distance from 300 to 3000 miles in a medically configured motor coach with 2 professional drivers with an experienced transport nurse. Patients ride in a hospital bed on a continuous air-flow therapeutice mattress (very important for all patients especially those with bedsores). An on-board bathroom eliminates transfes on and off the coach to use public restrooms. Fully medically equipped, the coach is outfitted with an oxygen concentrator ( up to 10 liters per minute) plus back up oxygen tanks, nubulizer, suction machine, feeding tubes plus a microwave for hot drinks and a blender/ food processor for special soft food diets. It is expensive but is much more comfortable than riding backwards in any 19-22" stretcher in a van or ambulance.
If you need free advice we are here to help you. Hope this is helpful information.
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Sorry! I posted the above comment in the wrong place...
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I have a brother in a home in NC and am trying to transfer him to a home in Ga closer to me. I am his legal guardian and this would be much closer for us. I cant seem to find anyone to help me with the transportation. He has had multiple strokes, so no use of one side. Can sit in chair but gets confused and sometimes upset when no one can understand him. He has speech difficulties from the strokes. We physically can't handle him to transport. Also the financial issues. We can't afford to pay but he has funds in his account that could probably pay. Both homes are ready for the transfer, paperwork and all. Just having the transportation issues.
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When my Mom and her DH needed transport, he had been assessed as "in the process of dying".
He had always been mentally impaired, but was pretty bad off, plus taking serious meds. On O2. Mom begged me to move them from CA to WA--begged and pleaded.
'Stupid' here, lacking better information, said I would help her do that, and make space in our tiny place for them, and help him be hospiced at our place. They had nothing else --at that time--, and had been living very poorly, unsupervised. I loved Mom, and supported her chice of partner, and dearly wanted them to have what they wanted, if it was in my ability to get it for them. [[such a sucker!!]]

I rented a camper van, tucked him in the double bed at the back, near the potty, and set up his O2 and a plastic tub for him to spew in--plenty towels and extra bedding, bed protectors, etc.
Mom was in charge of keeping him placid during the trip of about 1400 miles--it worked mostly--but sometimes I had to pull over to help with his needs.
He was nauseated / retching often [despite meds to prevent that],
and quite disoriented--which stimmed him to get up, behave oddly, try to use the sink as a potty, wander and ramble, pee the bed, etc... ride!
But we had plenty old-fashioned O2 tanks [cheaper, and OK one-way trip] [O2converters do not rent 1-way], thanks to an arranged prescription from a Doc in WA, who called the order to a Medical Supply near our starting point, as well as meds left over from Hospice where they had been.
It was not perfect, but, it allowed him to lie down--a critically important provision for a frail person.
Mom could also lie down as needed, or get up and move about the rig--though she mostly sat in the passenger seat, nervous as the dickens because she was not driving/in control [nor could she--she had not driven in years!].
When we arrived at our destination,
we got the contact person for the medical supplies here to help connect with hospice, and medical supplies / services needed.
He lasted another 3 months, instead of dying that first weekend, with a view to the yard, and Mom near him, and some "quality" of life.

It was very challenging to arrange, but it worked.
It cost several thou$and, for costs of the 1-way rental camper, fuel, supplies, getting them set up, provider contacts, etc..
The drive was grueling, and included patient care, and Mom care.
I had to stop to rest, too, and still get up during that sleep time, to do patient care.
Having facilities in the rig was a God-send!
Driving a camper rig in strong wind gusts is no picnic.
Having Mom as my "co-pilot" : "priceless" ?!

A regular van without bed, means an elder can only travel for a couple hours, then they must be gotten out to be moved around for a time, taken to the bathroom, cleaned up, shifted about, massaged, and reinstalled in the vehicle, to prevent sores, clots, breathing issues, swellings, etc.
Frail persons, particularly those in a wheelchair, cannot tolerate a "straight through" 10 to 12 hour drive, without some worsening of health issues.
There WILL be increased confusion of the elder's mental state, no matter what--moving an elder almost guarantees worsening of confusion /dementias, which may or not be permanent changes, at least to some degree.
Using a service that facilitates a trip like this, really helps,
but you can arrange things on your own
--you just need to tailor it to the needs of your elder.
Oxygen, fluids, food, meds, movement, sleep arrangement, turning, clean-ups, potty--all that must be covered.
You need a Doc/provider in your target State to write prescriptions for meds, O2 , equipment needed, and the prescriptions need worded in forms that can be moved across State Lines.
Make it as low-tech as you can, as the orders are easier that way.
NOT all equipment can be transported across State Lines by individuals.
RENTAL vehicle vendors will NOT --knowingly-- allow you to transport a frail person using O2--at least it was against the rules when I did it....

You need to choose what you are willing to deal with, and figure a way that works for you, IF you choose to go through with this move.
IF we had used a service [as if those existed then...] it would have cost significantly more than it did.
Your decision needs to be gauged to your Mom's real conditions.
ASK her providers how well she might tolerate a move to your home area.
ASK if there are services that can facilitate this for you, to reduce your stress over it.
Be aware: a professional move might require using a long-distance transport ambulance with at least 2 professional personnel on-board --which will cost dearly, as for them and that vehicle, it is a round-trip.

I essentially provided that service for my family, by doing what I knew how to do, and by crossing a few boundaries [like the O2 tanks in a rental] which I was comfortable and knowledgeable about doing.
Mom and my sibs got my professional services for free for that trip, and for the next 6 years--gratis [though they didn't see it that way].
IF you have sibs who might become a problem by changing their minds, or suckering for Mom's accusations later, you might want to think twice about doing this move for Mom yourselves.

Does she really want it?
Does she need it?
Or do you mostly need it?
If it is mostly for your convenience,
and she is otherwise doing well where she is,
please balance her current level of comfort and quality of life, against the potential issues that can be caused by moving her to another facility.
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Have you selected the new NH? The old or new NH should be able to help u plan according to her specific needs, perhaps the SW at old NH could be helpful here. U will want to coordinate notice (usually 30 days) and date MCare/MCaid pays-or long term care ins.-w/ move date. Most facilities won't refund any days, most payors won't duplicate payments. Good luck w the move, much better to have mom nearby, for both of you. It will be confusing to her, be prepared for that! Kimbee
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I am sorry about the sudden loss of your dad.

I would give yourselves more time to do a trip that long. You also want to be aware of the potential of your mom developing pressure sores and blood clots from sitting too long. She needs to be able to shift her weight and do leg exercises while sitting in the car to help keep the blood circulating. It is also important to take frequent breaks (possibly every 2 or 3 hours) and make sure she is well hydrated. I would even seriously consider making it a two day trip and stop overnight somewhere at a hotel which has good handicap rooms.

We rented a get away handicap assessible mini van which had room up front to put the wheelchair on the passenger side because we could not get my mom in and out of the car anymore. She also had a reclining wheelchair which helped some, too.

You also need to know that transporting someone is very taxing on you. It is emotionally and physically draining. So definitely take care of yourself too. I wish you, your mom, and your husband the best.
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This shouldn't be too difficult if both you and your husband can spare the time to do this together and if Mom can sit in a wheelchair she should be able to tolerate a car ride. Get medication from Mom's physician to keep her tummy settled while traveling....and while you are there make sure you sign all the appropriate paperwork to have Mom's medical records changed to a new physician if you have one. Then split the drive time between the two of you, making short stops to stretch legs, potty breaks, meals, etc. While one is driving, the other is keeping an eye on Mom. She may sleep for the better part of the trip which will make it easier since she gets car sick. Good for you that you will have Mom close and I'm sure she will enjoy that also. Good luck!!!!
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You don't want to fly?
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