Any neat tricks for 'hovering' or 'shadowing'?

A general suggestion, as we have some of the issues noted here with my mother whose 92 and recently broke her ankle. She has been much more demanding of my father's and my attention (beyond the additional care needed because of the ankle!) she is also legally blind and hard of hearing. We had great success with audio books on CD. She has learned how to operate an older simple CD player. Each CD runs for at least an hour and a book may include 8-15 CDs! Our local library stocks lots of light fiction. Great way to occupy/distract her mind from where & what we're doing!

OOps that should have been discovered where I was. sorry

Tell me about it Daughter1!! Same deal....except that I am never told how bad she feels about how hard I work ("it's your own fault, you never learned to say no") I would love to say no to HER!! You hit the nail on the head with the word "attention" -- that's what it is, of course.
Mine has a little trick when she hears me coming up the hall past her room, She will be watching something on tv (often it is the news, so it is not even appropriate to laugh at it) she gives this little laugh hoping you will stop and ask her what's so funny.....one day when we lived in our house and she was in her apartment upstairs and not supposed to come down stairs alone, I had gone outside to talk on the phone, turned around, and there she was, with a big smile on her face, because she had "outed" my location and discovered where she was........
I just had to stop this message because she came out to the kitchen to put her lunch dishes in the sink -- and guess what? here she was standing here in front of the computer, READING EVERY SINGLE THING ON THIS PAGE!!
I have to close out my windows every time or she will stand here and read everything - messages to others, my messages, pages and websites I look at etc.
She also has no compunction about looking at personal letters, greeting cards or especially bills and income tax papers that are NOT hers -- if you cross her on it she gets all defensive and turns it around on you -- "you always have to make a big deal out of everything".........EXCUSE me??
You know what this is? From what I have read on here, it is sense of entitlement -- she's always been a nosy busybody and not well-liked in our town. Obviously nothing has changed even now she is older!! It disgusts me. There is no privacy even in my OWN home.
FedupNow, you are so right about everything. Thanks for validating.

It's very sad but you are right. My mom tells me all the time that she feels bad how hard I work (I work two jobs, married and have 5 kids to worry about and now my mom) but as soon as I come home she wants my total attention. She wants me to sit with her so she can tell me about her day at the senior center, what pills she needs, when is her doctors appointments, etc. If I go to my room to change she follows, if I go out to get the mail she follows. She gets more attention now then when my dad was alive so I think she is using me a little and I'm getting to where I can't take it. I have a sister (doesn't work) and two brothers but they are no help.

My mom did the same thing. She didn't want me to leave her alone. I would try to explain to her that I had some other things to do, but she still wanted me to be with her anyway. As long as I was in her sight, she was fine. I would just tell her that I had some things to do and I would be right back, And I would just go and do them. I would see the sadness in her face when I left. I was with her as much as I could.
My mom was 96 and she passed away on Feb. 1st of this year. I wasn't there when she passed and it kills me inside that I wasn't. Somehow I think my mom knew she was dying and wanted me to be with her when it happened. I just wished that I was. I had so much to say to her.
I know how demanding it is to be a caregiver. You need time for yourself too. But go that extra mile and be patient with them. They do it out of need for you and they feel secure knowing that you are there also they fear that something happened to you. Just let them know you are around cause if they pass away and you aren't there, you will feel really bad, like I do. And don't forget to tell them you love them everyday.

Simply stop responding to attention getting behaviors. You don't slam your hand in a car door because it hurts--it doesn't pay off. It will take time but gradually, without response and constant reassurance (which will NEVER be enough), this behavior, once ignored, will taper off. Don't keep playing the game.

Yep. Same here. Every 5 to 10 minutes, "Hellooooo? Where are you?" I leave great big signs on bulletin boards propped up in visible places to let her know I'm TAKING A BATH, OUTSIDE FOR A FEW MINUTES, BE BACK IN 20 MINUTES, etc. She strolls right around the signs and starts calling for me. Then I call out for her to READ MY SIGNS. She can read, but is so intent on locating me that she won't take the time to read the signs. It's one of the more exasperating aspects of this caregiving, because as patient as I try to be, it tends to drive me crazy. :-/ It's gotten worse over time. She used to be able to go an hour. Then half hour. Now it's 10 minutes. I guess I'll get used to it, and keep on responding with patience, "I'll be there in a minute. Go back to your apt. and watch TV till I get there." I say it nicely, and she usually says, "OK." Then 5 minutes later it's the repeat scenario. HELP!!!

I know how frustrating this must be to you and I know that it will probably not get better, but here is my best attempt to help out. I think back with my children were small and the same thing happened to me--once I left the room and they were playing on the floor they needed to see me more than hear me. I read sometime ago when I was in graduate school about separation anxiety with small children. I am wondering if the same thing happens as we age and we feel ost when we can't see that familiar face. Going on that premise, I would suggest that if you have to change rooms for some great period of time, then I would bring your mom along. As I recall, I did the same with my sons were little--we moved from room to room when I had new tasks. So when it came time for dinner we all moved to the kitchen and of course, I wanted to make sure that I saw them for a safety reason. But I planned my moves based on the time I was spending doing each project so I tried to stay in one place completing each task. Bathing was always a trick for me so I took bathes only when they were sleeping Iit did take some planning on my part, but it did work out for me. Of course, as the boys got older, they knew that I was going to be there and their anxieties grew smaller. However, that is not the same situation with your mom because of the dementia she will become more dependent upon you. Just one more idea is play music in the background as that seems to be very soothing for all generations and that might take her mind off of you when not right in the room with her. Do let me know if you try this as I would like to see the results.

Oh boy do I relate. Talk about "togetherness." My mother has to be able to see me or know I am there. It used to get me totally annoyed like I had no privacy, no life, and especially since I am a private person and have lived on my own for a very long time before I came to care for her it, it irked me to no end.. If I sit in the same room with my laptop this makes her happy, but for cripes sakes it is bad enough I can't come and go as I please, now if I go to another room to read a book, that is an issue. I understand she wants to feel secure, but it does make me feel smothered. Thankfully with the Adult Day Ctr, I have a few hours to myself. I find that if I tell my mom I am going in the backyard to mow the grass would you like to come out with me, she is okay, she can peep through and see me there. She is also okay to come and check where I am in the house, I guess I am okay with it now that I realize it is because she is scared, and if I let her check on me she is okay. I have had to make many mental adjustments and feel that this experience has pushed me to really grow up in many ways. I think I am where I am supposed to be in order to grow spiritually and be a better, more understanding, emphathetic person. Least this is what I tell me self, tomorrow I will probably be ranting, but it really is only one day at a time.

I wish I had an answer for you. I have the same problem here, with my mother who has dementia and alot of other medical issues. The only thing I can figure out is that they feel very vulnerable and have a constant need to know they are safe and not alone. One thing you can try is writing down on paper where you are and what you are doing and sign it "love, ----", leaving it right where she will have it in front of her. I cannot leave my mother alone for any reason, beyond 10 minutes, because she could fall. My heart goes out to you.

My mom doesn't have a vision problem and doesn't have dementia but she does the same to me. I don't get any alone time. She is either asking me where I am or where was I? Can't even use the bathroom without hearing "Where are you?" "Are you ok?" I think it is just age. I feel bad but sometimes I just have to ignore her and go about my business. One thing about being a caregiver is you constantly feel guilty about them, your family, and yourself. It's not easy hang in there!

I have this same problem with my 93 year old Mom. If I am working outside in the yard, she has to know where I am. If I go shopping, and am not home within a half hour, she calls me! I don't know what to tell you. I think that at this point in life, they feel they have to know that you are right there if they need you. It's all part of the caretaking process. I wish you luck!