Counselor said have direct conversation with mom about no more abuse & woundedness. Love & respect go both ways & insist on it.
Not sure mom can understand this but know she'll be ugly, curse, & then preach about how she'd "never have talked to her mom like this!"
Next day after session (& before I can "have the talk"), mom leaves seething voicemail about other issues.
I've decided not to visit her but will drop gift/card off to facility office.
Our firefighter son is working Sunday, so my husband & I are taking a day trip to celebrate MD.
My sister & her husband are now saying since we're not going, they probably won't either (I know, not my problem). FOG (fear, obligation, guilt) is hitting me all over tho!
Any comments or advice are welcome!
Had a wonderful overnight trip with my DH for Mother's Day weekend.
My sister & her DH decided to visit mom today; they've not visited since Christmas. Praying all went well & no drama.
I always bought lovely and expensive gifts. Wrapped them, faked DH's signature, the works.
She never ONCE wished me a "Happy Mother's Day" nor acknowledged my part in the celebrations. Not once.
My mother hates MD and so I drop a small gift off a day or two ahead. I'm not her favorite, so I can get away with it :) She's fine.
After a lot of therapy, the FOG is gone. I may or may not buy a gift for MIL, depending on my mood, and DH's crazy work schedule. He'll be out of town this weekend and I plan to do NOTHING. He has the gift, the card and a pen to sign the card in his car, has had it in there for a week----can't bring himself to go to her house for 1/2 hour to give her the gift. I told him last night "You either get that present to her BEFORE mother's day or you're going to be a year early or a year late when you DO give it to her."
He begged me to stop by with him last night and I had to remind him his mother has asked me to not be in her life, I'm too stressful for her to handle.
How much guilt do I feel? Absolutely none.
Poor hubby--he was just wracked with guilt last night. Says I 'don't get it'. Oh, I do, all too well.
I was blessed with a great MIL who had an apartment in our house. WE did MD up right every year for her & I took the back seat. I was fine with that because I knew one day I'd miss her & I do! God blessed me. He's helping me with this mom situation. I'm waking up slowly, realizing that I matter, too.
Your a Mom too. You deserve to enjoy your Day. Your idea of dropping off a card/gift is a good one. If asked why you weren't there, say "My DH whisked me away for the day."
So true....I guess she'll never understand.
I'm breaking the "Honor Code", but I'm looking forward to getting outta Dodge!
Hapoy Mother's Day!!
you will be far far better able to handle the attempts to derail your peace of mind and therefore be better able to handle Mom on a more even emotional basis too.
take care of you...and enjoy MD!