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I need some perspective on sibling relationships. Any suggestions?


Wow exactly what I went through for the last 4 yrs. with no help, not even phone calls. I reached out to 1 of 4 siblings to come help with dad, because I could no longer do it. My dad has dementia and is a narcissist. The sister I reached out to has bipolar, anxiety. She came into the home and believed everything that my dad was accusing me of stealing, holding him as a prisoner, etc. They reported me to the police. Long story short, it was my time to bail out! I had to, I needed to save myself. I had in the past moved out, felt guilty and returned home. I have spent so much money trying to care for my dad it was affecting me mentally and physically. My father was verbally abusive to me and the caretakers. My sister and her boyfriend are now living in my dad's home. The bf just got out of prison; sister is on disability. I've held a full-time job and have managed to care for a very mean evil person. Sometimes I wonder, does he really have dementia? He's the same evil person I have known for years, and I still took care of him. I am free and now it's time for me to heal.



That was my story:


Well, I have been out of the house for 5 months already. I get phone calls and text messages from the neighbor that my sister is not living with my father. According to the neighbor my father ran her and the bf out because all they wanted to do was eat and sleep. My sister texted me 1 month after I left that I should have never moved out and that she was there to help me. I continued to get past due gas bills since they changed his bank account. I have reached out to APS who states there is nothing they can do. The neighbor called me the other day that the fire department was over at my dad’s house. I told him it's out of my hands. My father did not want me there my sister is in charge now. I did reach out to the VA and notified them. According to the nurse he had a fall was checked out by EMS and refused to be transported to the hospital. The nurse recommended he go to the ER but was not able to get a hold of my sister since she is not taking calls. I have texted her and she does not reply. I cannot step foot in my father's house, because all he does is cuss me out and refuses my help. I have been doing so much better since I have been away from all the toxicity. I am the one ordering his medications online because my sister does not know how to do it. They don't even know I am doing that. I feel sorry for my earthly father. I ask only for prayer that God take care of him and maybe one day change him.


God bless and thank you for reading


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Thank you for your update. Despite the grief involved I think you have done the right thing. I hope that the state will step in and take guardianship of your Dad sooner rather than later. But he has made his choices, your sister has made hers and you have had to make yours. I always say that we often die as we lived. It's sad, but there is no fix it. You have several chances at family--the one you are born to and the one you make for yourself. I hope you will go on with your life and recognize that the choices people have made aren't your responsibility. I remember your first posts.
Again, I am sorry, but you have done what you could. I so agree with Beatty.This is the serenity pray in real life.
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Your post reminds me of the Serenity Prayer.

"Grant to us the serenity of mind to accept that which cannot be changed; courage to change that which can be changed, and wisdom to know the one from the other".

Sometimes we are travelling with others. Sometimes we need to travel on alone. Others we were travelling with have their own journey, a different speed, a different path to take.

It's ok to feel sad that things didn't turn out the way you would have liked. I hope more joy & stability is in your very close future.
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Rhernandez20 Jul 2022
Your right now that I think about it. I believe God puts people in our lives for reasons.
Thank you for your kind words.

Blessings
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So very glad to hear that you have taken your life back! Good job!
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Tell the neighbor to call APS and say there is a vulnerable adult who is alone. They need to evaluate. Eventually maybe the State will take over his care. Block the neighbor.
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So happy to hear you broke free from the abuse and are on the path to healing. In your heart, you know this was the best decision. Thank you for choosing YOU! Many blessings to you for years to come.
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