Very urgent question. Grandmother is in hospice end of life care. Mom, sisters and I flew in to see her and say goodbye, aunt won't allow it.

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Very urgent question. Grandmother is in hospice end of life care. Mom, sisters and I flew in to see her and say goodbye, aunt won't allow it.

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My aunt has POA and won’t let staff move her by the window to see us. We can’t go in because of Covid. Can she do that even if my grandmother can communicate that she does want to be moved to see us? My aunt is just doing this to be petty. TIA in advance.

Coronavirus End of Life Hospice Power of Attorney (POA)

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If your grandmother can articulate her desire to see you all, then your aunt is overstepping her authority and has no legal authority to say no. Because grandma is saying yes.

I am sorry that you are losing your grandmother and that your aunt is abusing her POA authority. A POA must act in the decision making process in the best interest of the person they represent and do what that person would reasonably do if they were of sound mind. POA does not give anyone the right or authority to impose their will above the person they are representing.

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You need to call the person in charge. Your grandmother has a right for her wish to be granted if she can speak for herself.

Really??? What is any logical reason for someone to not be able to see their family if they want to?

While my husband's mother was in hospice, one of his brothers that was her guardian, signed papers for her to go to the Nursing Home. His mom told my husband she wanted to go stay with her grand daughter. He went to the head nurse about it and his mother's wish over ride the "guardian."

Don't always believe this "guardian and POA" mess. Some times it is not worth the paper it is written on.

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Everyone was telling my husband there was nothing he could do because the paperwork was already written up and signed by the "guardian."

My husband said "You just watch." He went straight to the head nurse. She told my husband "We can fix this right now." The nurse literally ripped the paper and made a new one.

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Having POA doesn't mean it overrides your g'mas reqeust to see her family. I would talk to the facility director.

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If your mother requests to see family, no, your aunt should not be able to forbid that. She has a right to see, especially her sister and daughter. Communicate with the administrator of the home. Almost every facility is allowing visits with family for those dying. The rules may vary if it is judged that she is not close to death. Wishing you the best of luck. Request administrator to assist with facetime if any of you have a phone and can use it to communicate.

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Why would your aunt want to prevent your mother from seeing her mother? Your aunt wouldn't say "for my own petty selfish reasons," so what would she say?

It doesn't surprise me that the hospice facility is not willing to accommodate a large number of people (your mother, your sisters and you means this is at least four in the group); but it would surprise me if they weren't willing to allow your mother to see your grandmother if your grandmother is indeed at or entering the end of life stage.

Depending on what equipment is being used, it might be impractical for your grandmother to be moved to the window; it might be that at a stressful time your aunt is not happy to ask for help from the staff; or it might be that your grandmother is confused and it is felt that seeing you outside and being unable to understand why you won't come in might distress her. There could be all sorts of reasons.

Is your mother able to speak to your grandmother on the phone? How do you know that your grandmother is happy to make the effort needed to see you?

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When my dad was in rehab a few months ago, no one was allowed in facility due to Covid restrictions. We did window visits by calling and asking the staff to open the blinds and turning his bed toward the window, it was on wheels as hospital beds typically are, and easily moved. We called him while standing at the window and visited that way. The only move was turning the direction of the bed. Have you spoken to the administrator or charge nurse to ask for this?

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I am a poa for two elders. I DID block an ex spouse from visiting their care facility because the elder wouldn’t want it, and it would cause a lot of unnecessary stress. The elder is too weak so I blocked them to prevent a problem. Also, if an elder has a great deal of money, the vultures come out of the woodwork and attempt to get the elder to change POAs even though they elder doesn’t have the capacity to make that decision anymore. I’m not saying either of these scenarios is going on here, just that there are valid reasons to limit access to visitors. I would suggest you contact the hospice social worker and have them act as an intermediary. Perhaps a visit supervised by the poa could be arranged. This would allow you to visit but also alleviate whatever fears the poa is having.

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Why isn't your aunt allowing this? You suspect she is just being petty, but could it be anything else? The last week my Father lived he was in a hospital bed. It would have been POSSIBLE to get him into a wheelchair and to a window, but it would have been very uncomfortable and exhausting for him. I may have been reluctant to do that to him. He was at home, and we allowed family in to visit, so my situation was a little different.
Some facilities allow end-of-life visits from relatives if all the protocols are carefully followed. Check with the Director to get special permission. Staff may tell you otherwise because it is not their decision to make.
Sadly, if you came from a high risk area, or she is in a high risk area, it may not be possible. A zoom meeting is easy to set up so you can see and talk to her. We got a wireless camera baby monitor for under $40 so we could keep an eye on Dad. Video and audio, easy to set up and use. Something like that could be an option so you could see her.
There may not be time, but if you are able to fully quarantine for 2 weeks they may let you in. Just check online for quarantine guidelines. It is NOT the same as social distancing.
The easiest and quickest way to visit us set up a zoom.
Best of luck to you.

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In the uk the donor can override the attorney if they still have mental capacity. If the donor is lacking in mental capacity and they have a health and welfare power of attorney they can control visitors etc. Check what type of power of attorney and whether your relative still has capacity. If you are in the uk and there is time, you can make an urgent application to the court of protection . Good luck

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One of you take her out for a cup of tea whilst the others visit and then do an exchange and another one of you take her somewhere else. Or speak to "hospice" and get them to keep her occupied in a meeting about something to allow you all some time. Good luck.

Very urgent question. Grandmother is in hospice end of life care. Mom, sisters and I flew in to see her and say goodbye, aunt won't allow it.

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