Urinary and bowel hygiene. Any ideas?

I have not personally used a bidet but many people here recommend them. I think the problem is none of them are going to be capable of cleaning up a large amount of feces from a messy accident, they are not designed for that. Bidet sprayer attachments would give you a water source to actually physically wash her (I was able to use my hand held shower in this way) but I doubt she would be any happier about that than about using the wipes 🤔

How sad this is.

With her history it likely is terribly painful for her to spread her legs far enough apart to help you or herself. My mother had a totally shattered hip socket and it was painful and also very misshaped until she died.

She was able to stand in front of the toilet on her walker for cleaning, but it definitely hurt her and was amazingly time consuming for us both, but I WAS able to do it by myself until she finally did go into residential care.

I think the Bidet is a great idea. It might take a bit for her to get used to it. And please get one that you can adjust the water temperature so it is not cold water that she will get "hit" with.
Are you using a barrier cream or ointment? If not you might want to try that. It will prevent fecal matter from drying in direct contact with her skin. And it can make wiping a bit easier. The trick is to apply it properly and not a lot of it but enough to provide a barrier. I used to pat it on rather than rubbing it on. Patting is more gentle and prevents putting on more than is necessary.
You could try a commode frame and seat placed over the toilet. This would allow you or whoever is caring for her the ability to reach under her and use a wipe or a very damp cloth to clean her.

I cleaned up as well as I could with soft toilet tissue. I used Huggies wipes. Lots bigger than those lady wipes and lots thicker. If Mom was red, like in tummy folds, I used Desitin for babies. It stays on the skin longer than A&B ointment.

Welcome to the site! It takes most people a while to find their way around it. If you click on ‘Care Topics’ at the top right of the screen, you get an alphabetic list. Click on I for Incontinence and you will find a large number of articles, old questions and discussions, that should be a good start. B for Bladder Control, even more.

Of course you can ask for information that suits you, but this background would help you straight away. Yours, Margaret

Yes, I agree. Thought I had an answer today with a sitz bath. Didn't fit the toilet. Back to the drawing board.

We are using a portable bidet that resembles a peri wash bottle. Works very well to get a large area clean if she is able to sit on the toilet. Once rinsed I use wipes that only gave water, no perfumes or alcohol. She may not get so mad if it doesn’t take a long time. The installed toilet bidets are cold water but either way I think it’s a good helpful idea.

My sister and I purchased a bidet off Amazon last year for my 85 yo\AD mother’s commode. We installed it ourselves. It has been WONDERFUL. It took a few days for my mother to get used to it, but now she will ask for it to be turned on. On the remote control there is a feminine wash or a posterior wash to select….depending on need. After a BM we may run the posterior wash twice. I always wipe her afterward using moisture barrier wipes, but the majority of the feces has been washed away. The water is warm, too and the seat is always warm. We operate the bidet remote control.

I love the bidet! It has warm water, and an air dry.
It also helps if she is feeling a bit constipated as the warm water relaxes her and there you go....

You might want to try the plastic type that fits over the toilet first to see how she tolerates it. If possible, try to get a quick wipe of vaseline across the her bottom BEFORE she goes. Afterwards, use the biggest adult wipes and saturate them with even more perineal rinse. Fill the basin partially full of warm water and sudsy perineal rinse before positioning it. Top it off with more just before the "launch". Towel over the front of the basin to catch the water as it has the tendency to shoot out both the back and the front.

I always ask if the water is "nice and warm" and give her a moment to make the whole process a little more relaxing.