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Just be honest and tell her you're exhausted and need to get ready for bed. Otherwise, adjust your schedule and ask her to come in the morning so she's gone by early afternoon.

Another option is to enlist more of her help with mom when she's there, for example, thanks for being here Evelyn, can you change moms bedding while I give her her bath?; Evelyn, here's dinner for you and mom, I'm heading in to take a quick shower -- close your door and watch the news in peace in your room, soak in the tub....it's okay. As long as sitter is there, make the most of it and go about your business without having to watch mom.
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You'll just have to have your aunt and uncle cloned! What perfect guests.

No, I see, she's just one of those people who can't see past the end of her nose, by the sound of it. And I know what you mean about how difficult it is to get help that doesn't create more work than it takes off your hands. Hm. Apart from the week in respite that mother had a couple of months ago - and we've another lined up for the end of June - I'm in the same boat. Respite care does mean you get real time off, but on the other hand you have to get her ready, and take her there, and worry about her all week, and pick her up, and deal with the fallout… Swings and roundabouts, isn't it?

Is there anyone your mother likes, for herself, whom you could ask? But I'm guessing if there were you'd already have thought of that.
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And when I say go out, I don't mean go out in the sense others go out...I am speaking making a run to the vet's office, or a quickie to the grocery . I have not been out of this house for "fun" purposes in over two and a half years....and I'm not kidding....
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Oh my NO....I do NOT think I am taking advantage of her. She invites herself...I don't call her and ask her to sit for this very reason. I have learned how to "make it work" for me and Mama because I have no one to depend on who is not more trouble than they are helpful. I have even discussed very calmly that I have to get Mama's nighttime routine handled...I stopped asking for her help a long time ago because I had to cook meals for her, clean up behind her, etc. etc. But she is a family member so I guess I will grin and bear it....She has point blank told me that people who pop in on her do not get past the door, and yet she does the very same thing and expects to be waited on hand and foot. I am too tired to have to deal with such nonsense and there is much to be done around here and I am unable to get it done because her "visits" last all day and into the night. My sweet aunt and uncle came today for a visit, we enjoyed a couple of hours visit...I thoroughly enjoyed them being here and so did Mama, then they told me unless there was something they could do to help us they would go. That is what I call a perfect visit...Oh my goodness, no, considering I have to cook for the other one, wait on her hand and foot, and listen to her complaining the whole time she is here which is also nerve wrecking since I don't have anything else to think about , right??? I don't think I'm taking advantage of her....
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Hope22, you say, soon as you get back from where you've been: "one cup of coffee then I'm going to have to kick you out, I'm afraid." Even better, when you ask this person to come over to 'mind the shop' clarify at that time that you expect her to leave soon after. Keep it light, but Never Apologise, Never Explain - you need her to leave. She doesn't need to know more than that.

But then it gets ticklish. Is this person a family member, or a neighbour, or a close friend? - because people don't usually stay on like that unless they think it is socially okay to do so. And if the person isn't way out of line expecting you to enjoy her company, I'm not sure how all right it is for you to ask her to babysit while you go out, then buzz off the second you get back - it's taking advantage of her a bit, isn't it?

Looking back, when my children were little my (lovely) SIL used to plant herself on us for hours at a time (not that she did any babysitting. Come to think of it, not that I'd have left the children alone with her. Ever. The one time she held a baby she dropped it on its head); but she was lonely, and she loved us, and now I wish I'd just cooked and cleaned and bathed the children around her and not internally cursed her for being in my way. About as much use as a chocolate teapot, but where does it say people have to be useful to be good, sweet friends?

If your house guest/sitter (??? - would she like to make up her mind which?!) seriously sits there playing games on the computer, she must really want to hang out at your place, I guess? Goodness, is she a bit like my SIL?
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Just be honest with her. When you get back, "Thanks for helping out today and we will see you blablabla" while standing at the door. It is your house and you don't need a reason to excuse a visitor. If this is a set activity each week then let her know the hours you need help.

When she asks for coffee just let her know sorry, you don't have time today. Caregivers have busy, stressful lives and should not be expected to provide entertainment. Visitors in your home should only be there as long as you want them there!
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Oh I totally agree. No, she is here to visit more than anything. She is never on time and never gets her own anything. It has gotten worse the last few times and I honestly question whether she herself may be getting early dementia. When I returned home yesterday, I had my arms full and was standing at the door and I saw her look right at me and she simply returned to playing her games. We don't have a key that fits that door right now, so I have to go all the way around the side to the back of the house to get in and she just sat there playing those stinking games, sound on full tilt....I know I sound ungrateful, and she is the ONLY one who offers to help, so it is time indeed to look for someone else when needing a sitter and let her visits be visits alone. But even then I don't necessarily feel like waiting on her hand and foot. I didn't mind in years gone by but now I don't feel like it and it is annoying to me that she seems to just expect it...and it annoys me more that I do it. Old habits die hard I suppose...
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Hope22~It may be time to look for someone else to come help if possible. If not remove the computer games,etc from the sight of this person, offer one cup of coffee, let's say it is 3:00pm, tell her you have to leave for an appt for your mother at 4:oopm or some other reason that fits your situation, by 3:30, thank her for coming over and head for the door. People like this don't get it and most likely will not get it, Is there any possibility that she has no real intentions of helping you in the first place?? I hope you can find a caregiver to come in for a few hours once or twice a week.
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LOL. Well, Mom and I don't have many visitors. This is actually the one person who does come and sit for me now and then. Were it not for her I would never be able to leave longer than a few minutes. but I feel so tried and worn out these days that anything longer than a couple of hours almost kills me. I feel my eyes rolling back in my head and start thinking I am going to fall asleep at any moment. I can't imagine they don't see it as my head will jerk when I start to nod off. But the playing of the computer games I don't get. To come in and start playing those things and not talking...complete with all the sound effects turned way up...heaven help me....
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It depends on who it is. Some people I can be around for hours. Others I am ready to get about my business in a few minutes. The visits that drive me the most crazy are the ones by people who don't say anything. After around an hour of trying to carry a conversation I feel like going to bed. Those visits are very stressful and are the norm when my brother's family comes. They are as talkative as boards.
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