My husband has look so overwhelmed and exhausted. He is so overwhelmed with the emotional ups and downs of dealing with his parents. They are both in a nursing home but will eventually be in assisted living. They call all the time. He has agreed to not take calls while at work. His dad had a horrid temper and calls yelling and his mom calls constantly ( dementia) with some crisis or another. We are cleaning out their house (they were boarders- house goes on auction block as a foreclosure in 80 days) we have to keep this (cleaning) secret or they blow up and accuse us of stealing. He has missed work, and is now behind; he can't focus when there. They had a meeting yesterday at work to try to force him to travel on business with unspoken threats of termination if he doesn't step it up. He's 59 and been their since he was 25. He can not retire ($$$). He has a dormant autoimmune disease and I'm afraid he's going to have a flare or a heart attack or stroke. Yesterday he looked awful. He works 40 miles away and usually rides his motorcycle but doesn't trust himself lately because of all this so now he deals with Los Angeles traffic on top of everything else. His parents are probably going to loose their Medi-cal because they have not paid the nursing home (6 mos) and now have SSI built up in their account. The NH told us they can not kick them out or allow them to leave until they have another place to go. They also said they constantly try to get them to pay but FIL blows up and accuses them of imprisoning him and he's not paying for it. The NH said all they can do is try and take them to court. Meanwhile they are in constant contact with my husband trying to get him to convince his dad to pay up. I've been making sure he is eating lots of organic vegetables, cooking everything from scratch, gone gluten free, walk with him, we even pray together daily. How can I be there for him other than what I'm doing?
Did a lawyer prepare the Poa? If so, have the lawyer contact the bank.
If not, was the POA witnessed, notarized, in any way Official? Did the NH accept it as Valid? Perhaps put the bank and the NH in touch with each other.
Your father is receiving services and he is obligated to pay for them. Perhaps the bank can pay the NH directly.
Your hubby is smart not to take their calls during work hours. Maybe he could extend that. He only takes calls from them between 6 and 7 (or whatever works). If there is something you truly need to know the staff will call you. (Do take calls from the staff.) They won't like it, of course, but it may help you both feel less anxious.
If your husband would like to do some travel for work, encourage him to do it. He could still take his parents calls at the designated times. Many people in care centers have no local family at all, and the care center manages to meet their needs just fine. Getting away a little might be a good break.
Above all, convince him that this is Not His Fault. Guilt just makes everything more stressful.
If husband has not been entrusted with poa, I'm not sure why he is doing anything, including cleaning out the hoarded house or taking phone Calls?
Tell us more.