We had a devastating visit with my mom's neurologist today. Is there a checklist I can work with to keep track of things?
Today, my mom was diagnosed with Dementia and ALZ...... My mom has had degrading memory issues for the past 1 1/2 years along with vivid dreams and false memories. She was put on an anti-hallucination medication 2 months ago and while it has helped some there are other areas where she has actually declined. The one that made the doctor's head snap up was hearing that she had turned on the gas stove while home alone causing gas to leak out. We have no idea how long it had been on (not too long apparently as we have pets, including a bird). The thing is, she is terrified of gas stoves because she had a school friend die in a gas explosion.
I am caregiver for my adult daughter (also this doctor's patient) as well, and he told me it's too much for me to handle. My mom needs someone there all of the time. He suggested calling the local hospital and talking to a social worker. I'll do that, but I wanted to ask here if there's a check list or list of steps online that I can work with to make sure I have all of my ducks in a row. I have dyslexia and find a list that I can check off or follow makes it much easier for me to keep track of things.
I'm beside myself, as the saying goes.... my mom is really unhappy - or she was. She actually might not even remember it right now. I have to explain the process with her recent cataract surgery at least once every day (so she understands why everything is blurry right now) so there's no telling - and I'm not sure I want to bring the subject up again yet. Thanks, everyone!
Safety proofing your home ASAP is important too. Medications, including OTC stuff, needs to be secured. Cleaning supplies, bug sprays, electric craving knives, etc. all need to be secured too - you may need to install a lock on a closet so you can put this stuff away. Remember your mother may confuse what something is and try to use bug spray as hair spray so you need to secure anything that might be harmful if used inappropriately.
Begin looking at MCs and NHs in your area for one that's a good fit for your mother. Remember larger is not necessarily better for dementia patients; often smaller resident homes can provide better care than a larger facility, at least until the final stages.
Then comes the Medicaid application. If your mother doesn't qualify now then at least you will know what needs to happen for her to qualify.
MC here is not covered by Medicare or Medicaid, but is private pay. Mthr scrimped and hoarded money all her life so she would be protected in her old age. She's now in her old age so she is paying with her own money. I have no desire to inherit money she should use to take care of herself.
I wish you well! POA is the first step towards getting a placement if your atty feels she is still competent to sign. It's a pretty low bar.
I do have all of the necessary legal documentation already, also. So glad we took care of that 1 1/2 years ago.
At this point, I agree with looking into medications. Zoloft and Xanax help my FIL who also recently got a determination that he has dementia. He will never be the same person I remember and these medications can help with depression and agitation.
It's a long good-bye. My heart goes out to you and your family.
There are agencies that kind help you find options, but, I might start by obtaining a professional assessment to see what level of care she needs. First, I'd make sure you have signed Durable Power of Attorney, Healthcare POA and Advance Medical Directive. An attorney can advise you and assist with the legal documents you need and if mom is competent to sign them at this point. I'd likely start by visiting some Assisted Living facilities, preferably one that has a Memory Care unit, because as the person progresses, they may need this specialized care.
If she's unhappy, I'd explore meds for depression with her doctor. It really helped my LO. She cried most of the time and worried incessantly.
She is also on an anti-depression/anxiety medicine. When I mentioned she was unhappy and crying it was over the diagnosis and her fears about her future.
With regarding to the gas stove, at Walmart or Target, you can buy child-proof locks that you can put on the knobs so that they can not be twisted and turned on, or you can take off the knobs altogether.
There are many useful articles about dementia/Alz on this site that give you more info and tell you what to expect, the stages, how to deal with the various disturbing behaviors, how to take care of the caregivers, etc. Just search around the site. And in the forum, there are many posts from other caregivers who have been there and done that and know how bad things can get. I'm sure more people will reply to your post soon.
Do you plan to be her caregiver and your daughter’s as well? Think long and hard about that. Before you actually do it, you might think you will be able to handle it. This is why you need to visit here often to read about other’s experiences.
Good luck. Don’t let it overwhelm you. One step at a time.