Mom has been at our house and I have gained 38 pounds in 5 months. She has dementia and screams at night (this has shot my sleep). I care for her 24/7. I could use some coping method suggestions that don't involve opening the fridge.
p.s... If interested in seeing the documentary I talked about, I just found it on youtube by typing in, "nhk documentary ghost blood vessels". It was very interesting.
Hi Kabeena, Thanks for the information. I am going to try the exercise to see how it does. I just tried the rising up on my toes while I was sitting and my calves are tingling. Can't do the skipping yet, due to my back, but I am getting there and will try it soon. Will keep you posted. Have a great night.
Debby1 says: "She has dementia and screams at night (this has shot my sleep)."
Have you asked doctor about this? There might be something she can take to help with this. Our mother was given anti-anxiety meds shortly after moving into MC (her "sun-downing" when still living in her condo was more of an OCD, checking the door, dishwasher and LR over and over - she lived alone, so there was no one to rail at.) She only had one Rx, no refill. The only time it flared up was while she had UTI. Her nightly rants and demands to get out, setting off the alarms at the doors for several hours continued through the full course of the antibiotic. It took some wrangling, but finally the doc relented to a new Rx, to be used as needed. Once the UTI was done, they have not used it again, but at least we have it "on-hand" in case of another episode during doc's off hours!
Unlike some other meds, these don't need weeks to show results. If there are adverse results, other meds can be tried. They do not need to be dosed to oblivion, it is just enough to take the edge off, usually given in the evening when sun-downing starts and allows them (and you) to sleep! I read your post about taking care of yourself - good for you! However interrupted sleep is not good for you or her - see what the doctor has to say. It can't hurt to try!
Hi, I've always had a problem with binge eating. Even if I went for a snack when hungry between meals, it could lead to stuffing my face. Grrrrr
Over the years I've learned what foods set me off and what foods don't. Maybe that's something you can look at?
At times when I'm going for food and I'm really not hungry, I try this. I tell myself, I'll make a sandwich after I load the wash machine. Or sweep the floor. Any little task works. Usually the urge to eat passes after the task is done.
I keep grapes in the fridge to grab easily before I go for something fattening.
And tangerines are good because you have to take time to peel them. I'm an emotional eater and I find I calm down a bit while peeling. Any snacks I need to mess around with , like shelled peanuts, skinning apples etc... Work well for those times.
Also, I get dressed everyday. Sounds dumb but on days when there's nothing to do, I wouldn't get dressed. I found being in pj or loose sweats allowed me the comfort of eating more and more often. It didn't make me feel full because my clothes were so loose.
If I fix my hair I was less likely to plop on the couch and lay around and eat. I'd usually do something constructive around the house, which kept me active.
Don't know if this will help Deb, but it helps me. Also look into the 5/2 diet if you're serious about loosing real weigh fast. Just Google it.
Debbie1 My answer for the stress with my mom is exercise. If I don’t I just cannot cope. I started walking and now can long distance walk. Doing my second 13.1 Marathon this Sunday. I started out saying “Why am I out here and are the neighbors laughing at me?” and now I just don’t care. I also weight train and do several others cardio and weight lifting classes. It is time for me or I have nothing for my mom. My weight is back in check and my health checkups are too. I feel selfish some days, but when I have to skip because of mom I realize it isn’t selfish. I am fortunate to have my husband to watch mom while I workout. He also is her cook since she is celiac. He says he’d rather help and still have his wife than to have me bear it all since my siblings do not help. So lace up those sneakers or get on that bike (I have one too! Amazing how I can put on earphones and bike my tension away!) One more thing ... you are worth taking time for yourself. If you don’t take care of you ... who will and what will you be able to give others?
I wish I knew the answer to this issue Debbie1 because I am where you are. I struggled with my weight for years, but then I got it down and was fearless! Then mom took sick (I gained 5 lbs). I then moved her in with me and now I am up 40 lbs! I already was dealing with my sleep apnea, now I have a person who doesn't sleep at times and so I am up. I also still work full-time. I tried going to the gym at work because it's free, but these days I can't even get to work on-time consistently because of the care for mom and so I work though lunch. I have a stand-up desk but I am so tired sometimes that standing is not an option.
I say I will workout when I get home, but I get accosted with issues when I get home almost daily. I've gone vegetarian for a month, that dropped some lbs, then I did low-carb, that was so-so...I just need to mentally find something that works. I use to be an emotional eater, now it's just out of control!
I hope someone has an answer for you, for us! Sorry I could not be of more help except to say, you are not alone in the battle of the bulge.
I offer holistic weight counseling workshops and coaching. I'm personally maintaining a 70 lb wt loss for over 35 years. I do not diet. My work is elder care management / care provider. Even with all my decades of managing my eating disorder (and not everyone has an eating disorder who eats due to stress, exhaustion, and over-extending one's self due to family caregiver needs), I still found myself eating out of stressors related to work related interactions. WHAT TO DO? 1. Be gentle with yourself. 2. Do what I call "Plan Aheads" - plan your meals, plan your grocery shopping, plan for the times you tend to be more vulnerable to over - or other - eat. 3. Find ways to balance your life. You (we all) need down time. Find ways to get this renewal time - be it 5 minutes several times a day or 1/2 day a week or whatever you can do. You need to take care of YOU to take care of another. 4. Incorporate some kind of exercise - moving, be it walking, stretching on the floor at home, yoga. Move and do something. Create a structure of exercise / plan and have your phone 'alarm' set for reminders. Make your plan do-able; create a 'win-win' so you'll feel good about yourself and your accomplishments. 5. Start a journal. Every time you want to 'grab' xxx that won't serve you, write instead. This would be part of the 'Plan Aheads' - what can you do as an alternative to eating when you do not want or need to and/or when you know you may start eating out of stress. 6. Find a buddy with similar desires/goals. This is for mutual support. 7. Always ask yourself when you eat non-optimally, "What did I learn from this?" instead of reprimanding yourself or self-negative judgments. Judgments and negative reinforcement does NO good for you at all. 8. Learn to feel self-compassion. When we are stressed and feel overwhelmed, we need all the self care and self-love we can muster. 9. Incorporate a treat weekly. By including a treat, you give yourself boundaries or times when it is okay to eat xxx in a limited amount. Do not necessary stop eating foods you enjoy or giving yourself a treat now and then. If you do, you may find yourself running to the frig like a 'get out of jail card.' Creating a structure eliminates this. Equally, if you are vulnerable at night (as I often am), know what foods you can have in the the house. 10. Figure out what are acceptable alternatives to over eating (i.e., apple sauce, piece of fruit, getting one ice cream portion somewhere (vs having too much in the freezer at home). Figure out what will work to support your peace of mind and goals (being healthy). 6. What I did for years is save my desserts for when I'd go out for a nice dinner - and an oatmeal cookie during the week (a large and really good one). The point is to create win-wins while moving towards your goals of health and well being.
There are many ways to do this. I use behavior modification and lots of positive reinforcement, and no judgments at all. Observe what you do, realize what your goals are, and move in small steps towards them. Gena
As is often said: "It isn't what you are eating, it is what is eating you." This is not about diets or dieting. It is about learning self-care and making changes slowly to move towards your goals. The eating/wt gain / stress likely has everything to do with feeling overwhelmed, lack of control over what your responsibilities are, and needing to do some things differently. I believe that our behavior (overeating for instance) is giving us a message "HELP ME" Ask that part of you that is over-eating or choosing non-nutritious health foods what it needs from YOU to change the behavior. A part of you is crying out for support and the only way it knows (now) how to do that is by eating (eating in the stress, numbing out). Talk to those parts. They know what they need. Be a partner and friend to your 'selfs' (your parts; we are all sub-personalities inside vying for attention). The key is to re-learn how to listen to our 'selves' parts and replace non-optimal behaviors and thoughts with healthy ones that serve our well being.
P.S. I use a bullet (like a blender) and I love it. I make a very healthy smoothie in the mornings OR make it for my 'lunch on the run' - it is chuck full of nutrition. If you want a copy of the ingredients ask me. And, now I will go exercise too ! I've been maintaining my wt within 2-7 lbs for almost four decades. I cannot get on my high horse figuring "I've got this." An addiction requires ongoing maintenance. Goals of being healthy is important (vs goal of losing weight).
My stress eating shows up at night. I have a Vitamix and I make up smoothie packs with Kale, blue berries, 1/2 a banana and 1 TBSP of flax seed. I have that most mornings and it holds me until lunch. Sometimes I will have overnight oatmeal with blue berries or apples with cinnamon. I totally agree with you about having a plan, that is where I sometimes fall short. Also, I can't control my husband's and mother's junk food. I have asked him to hide it and he will not do it. I have a device that measures steps and get over 12k in steps. I got the Lose It! app to track food and I can see that my problem is mostly at night. I think the emotions that I am eating are anger and frustration. I am looking into Day Care for her so that I can get an occasional day free. You have lots of good suggestions. Thank you for your suggestions.
Also consider looking up the 80/20 alkaline lifestyle diet. This involves eating lots of vegetables (which are alkalizing) and having moderate amounts of starches and proteins (which are acid producing). We can never go wrong with eating lots of veggies!
I can sympathize since I take the 1/2 gallon ice cream & the spoon....& just eat it out of the container!!! In the 15 months Mom has been home, I’ve just gained 5 lbs ...I have 2 stair cases that probably saved me more weight gain
Snack on low cal foods. I’ve used the Weight Watchers diet before (it’s similar to a diabetic diet but not nearly as strict). I didn’t attend meetings but the meetings could be useful to you.
But just don’t eat crap! LOL For example, if you must have crunchy treats try popcorn prepared in a microwave bowl or air popper, pretzels are good too. No cake, few cookies (Oreo has made a super thin cookie so less calories with a sweet treat). No sodas. Seltzer with a splash of your favorite fruit juice is refreshing. Drastically limit fried food. I oven fry things like vegetables or roast them and I love these Vietnamese vegetarian spring rolls I found at the Asian market. They are not prefried so I drizzle olive oil on them and bake. Oh yum!
Read the ingredient information on premade foods.
When cooking, if butter or anything high fat or calorie is called for, half the amount of those ingredients.
Eating out is a problem because you have no control over what is in your food. Save that activity for special occasions! Or I liked being very strict on my diet until I’d lost ten pounds, then celebrate by a dinner out. Then start on the next ten pounds with Strict adherence again.
For me, no ice cream. No beer. No elaborate desserts. No cheese, cream, whole milk (I like almond milk), very little processed foods.
My husband and I lost 100 pounds each in 2003-2004. First step-no soda. Second step-share entree in restaurants. Third step-vegetarian diet. Forth step-walk 5 miles every other day. And we lost it.
Now I must GAIN weight, I lost 45 pounds while sick. So now I’m eating food I don’t want because I stopped eating it 15 years ago. I crave cucumber sandwiches and have to eat ice cream. Gag....
Good luck on the diet. Listen to your body and adjust your regimen as needed.
Have you asked doctor about this? There might be something she can take to help with this. Our mother was given anti-anxiety meds shortly after moving into MC (her "sun-downing" when still living in her condo was more of an OCD, checking the door, dishwasher and LR over and over - she lived alone, so there was no one to rail at.) She only had one Rx, no refill. The only time it flared up was while she had UTI. Her nightly rants and demands to get out, setting off the alarms at the doors for several hours continued through the full course of the antibiotic. It took some wrangling, but finally the doc relented to a new Rx, to be used as needed. Once the UTI was done, they have not used it again, but at least we have it "on-hand" in case of another episode during doc's off hours!
Unlike some other meds, these don't need weeks to show results. If there are adverse results, other meds can be tried. They do not need to be dosed to oblivion, it is just enough to take the edge off, usually given in the evening when sun-downing starts and allows them (and you) to sleep!
I read your post about taking care of yourself - good for you! However interrupted sleep is not good for you or her - see what the doctor has to say. It can't hurt to try!
Over the years I've learned what foods set me off and what foods don't. Maybe that's something you can look at?
At times when I'm going for food and I'm really not hungry, I try this. I tell myself, I'll make a sandwich after I load the wash machine. Or sweep the floor. Any little task works. Usually the urge to eat passes after the task is done.
I keep grapes in the fridge to grab easily before I go for something fattening.
And tangerines are good because you have to take time to peel them. I'm an emotional eater and I find I calm down a bit while peeling. Any snacks I need to mess around with , like shelled peanuts, skinning apples etc... Work well for those times.
Also, I get dressed everyday. Sounds dumb but on days when there's nothing to do, I wouldn't get dressed. I found being in pj or loose sweats allowed me the comfort of eating more and more often. It didn't make me feel full because my clothes were so loose.
If I fix my hair I was less likely to plop on the couch and lay around and eat. I'd usually do something constructive around the house, which kept me active.
Don't know if this will help Deb, but it helps me. Also look into the 5/2 diet if you're serious about loosing real weigh fast. Just Google it.
I also weight train and do several others cardio and weight lifting classes. It is time for me or I have nothing for my mom.
My weight is back in check and my health checkups are too.
I feel selfish some days, but when I have to skip because of mom I realize it isn’t selfish.
I am fortunate to have my husband to watch mom while I workout. He also is her cook since she is celiac. He says he’d rather help and still have his wife than to have me bear it all since my siblings do not help.
So lace up those sneakers or get on that bike (I have one too! Amazing how I can put on earphones and bike my tension away!)
One more thing ... you are worth taking time for yourself. If you don’t take care of you ... who will and what will you be able to give others?
I say I will workout when I get home, but I get accosted with issues when I get home almost daily. I've gone vegetarian for a month, that dropped some lbs, then I did low-carb, that was so-so...I just need to mentally find something that works. I use to be an emotional eater, now it's just out of control!
I hope someone has an answer for you, for us! Sorry I could not be of more help except to say, you are not alone in the battle of the bulge.
I'm personally maintaining a 70 lb wt loss for over 35 years. I do not diet.
My work is elder care management / care provider.
Even with all my decades of managing my eating disorder (and not everyone has an eating disorder who eats due to stress, exhaustion, and over-extending one's self due to family caregiver needs), I still found myself eating out of stressors related to work related interactions.
WHAT TO DO?
1. Be gentle with yourself.
2. Do what I call "Plan Aheads" - plan your meals, plan your grocery shopping, plan for the times you tend to be more vulnerable to over - or other - eat.
3. Find ways to balance your life. You (we all) need down time. Find ways to get this renewal time - be it 5 minutes several times a day or 1/2 day a week or whatever you can do. You need to take care of YOU to take care of another.
4. Incorporate some kind of exercise - moving, be it walking, stretching on the floor at home, yoga. Move and do something. Create a structure of exercise / plan and have your phone 'alarm' set for reminders. Make your plan do-able; create a 'win-win' so you'll feel good about yourself and your accomplishments.
5. Start a journal. Every time you want to 'grab' xxx that won't serve you, write instead. This would be part of the 'Plan Aheads' - what can you do as an alternative to eating when you do not want or need to and/or when you know you may start eating out of stress.
6. Find a buddy with similar desires/goals. This is for mutual support.
7. Always ask yourself when you eat non-optimally, "What did I learn from this?" instead of reprimanding yourself or self-negative judgments. Judgments and negative reinforcement does NO good for you at all.
8. Learn to feel self-compassion. When we are stressed and feel overwhelmed, we need all the self care and self-love we can muster.
9. Incorporate a treat weekly. By including a treat, you give yourself boundaries or times when it is okay to eat xxx in a limited amount. Do not necessary stop eating foods you enjoy or giving yourself a treat now and then. If you do, you may find yourself running to the frig like a 'get out of jail card.' Creating a structure eliminates this. Equally, if you are vulnerable at night (as I often am), know what foods you can have in the the house.
10. Figure out what are acceptable alternatives to over eating (i.e., apple sauce, piece of fruit, getting one ice cream portion somewhere (vs having too much in the freezer at home). Figure out what will work to support your peace of mind and goals (being healthy).
6. What I did for years is save my desserts for when I'd go out for a nice dinner - and an oatmeal cookie during the week (a large and really good one). The point is to create win-wins while moving towards your goals of health and well being.
There are many ways to do this. I use behavior modification and lots of positive reinforcement, and no judgments at all. Observe what you do, realize what your goals are, and move in small steps towards them. Gena
This is not about diets or dieting. It is about learning self-care and making changes slowly to move towards your goals. The eating/wt gain / stress likely has everything to do with feeling overwhelmed, lack of control over what your responsibilities are, and needing to do some things differently. I believe that our behavior (overeating for instance) is giving us a message "HELP ME" Ask that part of you that is over-eating or choosing non-nutritious health foods what it needs from YOU to change the behavior. A part of you is crying out for support and the only way it knows (now) how to do that is by eating (eating in the stress, numbing out). Talk to those parts. They know what they need. Be a partner and friend to your 'selfs' (your parts; we are all sub-personalities inside vying for attention). The key is to re-learn how to listen to our 'selves' parts and replace non-optimal behaviors and thoughts with healthy ones that serve our well being.
P.S. I use a bullet (like a blender) and I love it. I make a very healthy smoothie in the mornings OR make it for my 'lunch on the run' - it is chuck full of nutrition. If you want a copy of the ingredients ask me. And, now I will go exercise too ! I've been maintaining my wt within 2-7 lbs for almost four decades. I cannot get on my high horse figuring "I've got this." An addiction requires ongoing maintenance. Goals of being healthy is important (vs goal of losing weight).
I have a device that measures steps and get over 12k in steps. I got the Lose It! app to track food and I can see that my problem is mostly at night. I think the emotions that I am eating are anger and frustration. I am looking into Day Care for her so that I can get an occasional day free. You have lots of good suggestions. Thank you for your suggestions.
But just don’t eat crap! LOL
For example, if you must have crunchy treats try popcorn prepared in a microwave bowl or air popper, pretzels are good too. No cake, few cookies (Oreo has made a super thin cookie so less calories with a sweet treat). No sodas. Seltzer with a splash of your favorite fruit juice is refreshing. Drastically limit fried food. I oven fry things like vegetables or roast them and I love these Vietnamese vegetarian spring rolls I found at the Asian market. They are not prefried so I drizzle olive oil on them and bake. Oh yum!
Read the ingredient information on premade foods.
When cooking, if butter or anything high fat or calorie is called for, half the amount of those ingredients.
Eating out is a problem because you have no control over what is in your food. Save that activity for special occasions! Or I liked being very strict on my diet until I’d lost ten pounds, then celebrate by a dinner out. Then start on the next ten pounds with Strict adherence again.
For me, no ice cream. No beer. No elaborate desserts. No cheese, cream, whole milk (I like almond milk), very little processed foods.
My husband and I lost 100 pounds each in 2003-2004. First step-no soda. Second step-share entree in restaurants. Third step-vegetarian diet. Forth step-walk 5 miles every other day. And we lost it.
Now I must GAIN weight, I lost 45 pounds while sick. So now I’m eating food I don’t want because I stopped eating it 15 years ago. I crave cucumber sandwiches and have to eat ice cream. Gag....
Good luck on the diet. Listen to your body and adjust your regimen as needed.
Get outside more, breathe, walk and just take care of you!
Our lives have as much value as theirs and we need to be healthy and strong to get through this journey.
Now if I could only take my own advice!! I’m working on it :)
Hugs to you.
Totally understand.
First, go to www.oa.org and www.oa12stepforcoes.org (note, no S after step).
Then, go to youtube: stronger seniors. With time you can do these with weights in your hands!
Use this time of confinement (ugh) for self-care (YAY!), get down to your fighting weight, and get buff!
Good luck!