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I have used up a lot of bandwidth here lately, so have tried to limit, but got new issues.
The head nurse at my moms AL said a couple times my mom has been seen walking around with her pants on backwards or her underwear over her pants.
The nurse said the weird thing is that in other area, my moms hair and makeup are done perfectly, and she seems friendly and coherent. (my mom has always been obsessive about personal appearance) I asked the nurse if she runs into this type of behavior other times and the answer was not really. Said odd how one can be so careful about hair, makeup, etc but put pants on backwards or underwear over pants.
An even bigger issue is my mom showed up in dining room for lunch today with her pants soiled. Aides try to bring her back to room and get her cleaned up but she defiantly resisted
We obviously have to get her to wear depends or whatever The nurse said some families deal with this by removing all normal underwear and only having depends there
I asked the nurse if my moms behavior could get her expelled (I would think it could) but she said no . OK, I get that on pants being worn backwards, but not on underwear over pants, or soiling them.
I would not want a parent there with another lady walking around like that.
Any ideas at all?

Your mom obviously has dementia, so nothing she does or doesn't do should be odd to anyone. Especially a nurse who I'm sure has seen pretty much everything, unless she is new to the nursing profession, then she/he still has a lot to learn.
Sounds like it's time that you educate yourself more about this horrific disease of dementia, so you will be better prepared for what lies a head for your mom as she will only get worse, and not be so surprised by her behavior.
And hopefully her AL also has a memory care unit attached for when your mom needs that, which may be sooner than you think.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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You say she was already recently checked for a UTI and didn't have one, but if it were me, I'd have her tested again. Maybe she had a TIA which changed her behavior, or maybe she has depression, so meds may be in order if she' not on any already.

I also agree that all her cloth undies should be removed and replaced with only disposable briefs.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Sorry for this new behavior and change. Time for Depends, hopefully mom accepts them without a fight. Glad to hear the staff is willing to work with you on this
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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I'm surprised the nurse thought it was odd behavior.

There really is no rhyme or reason why a demented person does the thing they do.

And they can be coherent on second incoherent the next.

Have you learned much about dementia, if not go on YouTube Google Teepa Snow, or other and learn as much as you can.

As far as can your mom get kicked out for this behavior, I am not sure but I also suspect your right, and mom may need to go into memory care.

Sorry you or anyone has to go through this. Best of luck
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Reply to Anxietynacy
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It’s not odd , her OCD is still working as far as her makeup and hair , it’s just automatic .

The pants on the other hand , like the others said check for UTI .

But I’ve seen plenty with dementia have the underwear over the pants , or pants on backwards , or forget to change bottoms and have PJ pants on with a nice blouse or totally forget pants altogether which the latter results in a move to memory care for sure .

It actually makes sense , I saw with my LO’s that the thing they obsessed over their whole life was retained longer . Your mother is obsessed with her makeup and hair , these are important to her .

Yeah , change out all the underwear .
Both my Mom and FIL with dementia were very resistive to help from staff .

Some AL’s are willing to keep them longer than others before going to memory care .
Good Luck .
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Reply to waytomisery
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I don't think it's so "odd" that mom is obsessive about her face and hair but not the rest of her appearance. What confuses me is that she'd put up a fuss about not wanting to clean up soiled pants in the dining room, where she smells bad in front of others who are eating. If she doesn't have a UTI, which my mother had once in 8 yrs of AL and Memory Care, then it sounds like she's on the dementia path now. It can be hard to distinguish dementia behaviors from her normal OCD behaviors, but if she's "letting her slip show" willingly when normally she's fastidious about her appearance, that to me is a big sign.

Definitely ask the nurse to do a urine test for a UTI, that's always your go to request when new or weird behavior pops up out of nowhere. But if she's cleared, then keep an eye out for more dementia like behaviors you should be able to recognize from your dad. My mother started referring to me as her mother (instead of her daughter) and using Febreeze to clean stains with. The calling me her mother started very early into her dementia, so I thought she was joking the first time she said it. She wasn't.

Good luck with all of this.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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Has a UTI been ruled out?
This sounds like a new change Karsten.
Kind of surprised that the admin didn't suggest this.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Karsten Sep 16, 2024
She was tested for UTI during her recent hospital stay after fall

Thanks about the idea, I will ask nurse about that again Currently, there is the nurse staff at the AL and the nurses/therapists who come from outside outpatient rehab with her medicare advantage.
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